How to prevent from getting into the friendzone?

chemfreak87 · 2012-09-11T21:12:37+00:00

The easiest way not to get friendzoned is to move quickly. She has invited you over to study. If she invited just you over (or if it is just you and her roommate) then you are golden. If she has invited a bunch of people from class, you might be out of luck.

If she did just invite you, then this is our opportunity to make a move. Sit close to her and make physical contact. Subtle, but intentional, contact and see how she responds.

This is how I'd play it out, if I were you (and this is how I scored my college girlfriend):

I'm imaging you are sitting together on the floor both looking at notes, and then you lean over close to her to look at her notes, while putting you hand on her knee/lower thigh. If she pulls away or seems uncomfortable, then move you hand and continue as you were. If she is ok with this, then you have an opportunity to keep in touching her. Keep you hand on her knee until there a time in which you would naturally move away. Continue as you were normally. Then, at another similar opportunity, put you hand on her lower back or lean close behind her, looking over her shoulder. Touch her hands (not specifically hold hands, but you could get to that depending on how it's going). Make strong eye contact with her. Smile, a lot. If all of this is working, which you can tell because she seems receptive to you touching her and is smiling, laughing, generally happy, then you need to kiss her. And not on the check; on the lips. Just do it.

If you go for it, and it doesn't work out, it's college and you don't have to hang out ever again if you don't want to. If you don't go for it, you will regret being in the friendzone.

Also, smile a lot.

TheIslander829 · 2012-09-11T22:27:02+00:00

The 3 pillars of attraction:

Confidence (fake it till you make it)(this is your inner monologue and it's supposed to be saying "I'm the shit, I rock, I'm the shit, I rule, I'm awesome, I'm better than you, etc... This is why stupid guys start getting laid in their teens) I'd say overconfidence is cooler than actual confidence.
Abundance mentality. (fake it till you make it) This means you don't give a fuck about a specific girl, because you have 10 others to rub you down and suck your dick at a moment's notice. This you have to fake initially. This attitude will yield TONS of interest from girls. Stop putting pussy on a pedestal.
Ability to physically escalate (kino. This one can't be faked, just learn to escalate physically as soon as you meet a girl. start off innocently and slow, then move from there). This is the one that when failed, will get you friendzoned. If you do 1 and 2 perfectly, then fail here, frienzone is where you'll end up.

ThrowawayPUA · 2012-09-11T22:41:54+00:00

Comfort before attraction = Friend Zone. If you focus on making her comfortable around you, then she sees you as a friend. If you focus on attraction first, she sees you as a potential sex partner.

badbrownie · 2012-09-12T03:36:57+00:00

I'm going to chime in. My first time visiting /r/seduction. I was curious if the subreddit was based on lies and manipulation and cheesy techniques but for the most part it seems to be aimed at how to convey your intentions without causing awkwardness.

So here's my take on your situation:

Don't feel that the only alternative to being friend-zoned is to move fast. In my own experience all friends end up having 'a moment' and what we both decided to do with that moment defined how the relationship then proceeded.

The reason I didn't often get friend zoned was

1) I maintained an image of being sexual. I talked about sex now and then, asked risque questions as though they were no big deal and generally laid out my personality as not being asexual.

2) I asked intimate questions and offered intimate details. This was just an extension of the previous point.

3) I kept things light but flirty. I wasn't jealous of who she was interested in and I wasn't awkward with her. If we were out drinking I might pause and say something serious yet inherently goofy like "I think it's important that I go on the record that I respect girls MORE in the morning. Anyway - where were we?" If she says "What do you mean by that? Why would you even say that??" I'd laugh and say "I worry sometimes that the only thing stopping my cute female friends from sleeping with me is they fear the awkward morning after, so I just want to dispel that fear!" And I wouldn't feel awkward. I wasn't saying it with the idea she'd say "Then let's go for it", I said it with the idea that I'm teasing her and seeing how she'll react. If we have a fun dynamic she'll deal and respond and the conversation will be affected by that comment or it won't. It didn't matter. The important thing was that I'm That Guy who'll say and think those kinds of things. My purpose is to make fun with her not love. But there's a subtext there that is kind of flattering but ambiguous. There's a disconnect between my overtly flirty words and my totally non-serious delivery. In that situation, even if I'm developing a friendship with her it's a friendship with possibilities. It's not about 'closing the deal'. It's about enjoying her company and letting things develop. Seducing From Friendship can be super effective.

4) I was a satire of the socially awkward penguin. You know, the one who never spots the big red stop light in female situations.

"So - I need to know that if I get drunk tonight you won't take advantage of me..." : a light hearted imagery of us making out but totally non-threatening because she'd have to make the first move for it to happen. You're acting like the fool who doesn't know when girls don't fancy him but your grin lets her know that you're not him. You're intriguing.

5) I wasn't afraid to chat about girls I found attractive or I'd encourage her to rate the fellas in the bar from "Most to least diddleable". Whoever she says is the most attractive, I might say that I was flattered that she'd pick the one who looks most like you. This worked best when he looked Nothing like me. Similarly I would chat about other girls and about the trials and tribulations of dating. Just was sure to not be the desperate one in my stories. The stories worked out for me or they didn't but it was fine with me because my goal wasn't to close the deal it was to have fun. That was always the central theme of my story.

So, now you're in the friend zone and she's telling you about guys and you're talking about some guy she's into. That's fine. There's nothing necessarily going wrong in this situation. You advise, you support, you laugh, you note with aloof curiosity about the stranger aspects of his behavior. As long as you're having a genuinely fun time then she is too and your relationship is progressing. It's not 'stuck' anywhere. It's a relationship being whatever it is.

If you're light and fun and show that you're attracted to her without being needy about it, then your time will come.

TL;DR: If you're light and fun and show that you're attracted to her without being needy about it, then your time will come.

mehblahwhatever · 2012-09-11T21:13:36+00:00

Provided the study session goes well, try to follow it up and ask her out on a date for some later time. Use the word "date." It sounds like you haven't hung out enough yet for her to view you as platonic, so I think everything should work out fine.

Now, if you're interested in escalation physically, you'll have to talk to someone else. I'm still working on that part.

MeanwhileInAmerica · 2012-09-12T00:37:00+00:00

TofuTofu is the man

matt_the_hat · 2012-09-12T00:39:56+00:00

Make sure she knows, early on, that you are interested in more than just being study partners and friends. This can be straightforward and simple.

For example, when you are finished studying tonight, smile and look her in the eyes and say "I'm really glad you asked me to study with you. I'd like to get to know you better. Maybe next time we can do something fun instead of schoolwork? How about we go bowling on Sunday?"

Title	How to prevent from getting into the friendzone?
Author	Asphyxiations
Upvotes	7
Comments	19
Date	September 11, 2012 8:45 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/zq80z/how_to_prevent_from_getting_into_the_friendzone/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-to-prevent-from-getting-into-the-friendzone.1339073 https://theredarchive.com/post/1339073

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