Seddit, my boyfriend used to be a PUA, and I'm not sure how to feel about it.

rebuildingMyself · 2012-10-10T04:47:44+00:00

He's an ex PUA. Which means he found a special someone (you). This is no different than a man not dating a woman because she slept around a lot before meeting him. No STD's and no children = fine with me.

my5ticdrag0n · 2012-10-10T06:01:38+00:00

Your god damn history doesn't matter. Unless he has a disease, which he should have told you, you are fine.

You going to put blame on him if he spilled milk when he was a child? Or broke a cup?

You cannot change the past. Just throw him some trust.

2012-10-10T08:09:21+00:00

My fiance was the same. I think it's fantastic. He has a lot of really good skills that made getting with him seamless and stress-free. He knows how to go after what he wants. He is able to put groups of people at ease in social situations. He has valuable insight into human interaction.

As for continuing to apply his skills with you, during your relationship, all I can say is: roll with it. He makes a negative comment that you perceive as "negging?" Give him one back. Laugh. Tease him. Seriously, have you ever HEARD couples in LTRs talk to each other? Light criticism is the norm, as are joking insults and knocking each other down a peg or two. If the negative comments are not joking, but just mean, it has little to do with actual pickup and more to do with him being an asshole. Learn the difference!

He's also not dead. It is not an insult when he makes comments about other women, or when he looks at other women. It means that he is a healthy man who is attracted to other women. He will always be attracted to other women. It does not devalue you, or mean that he will cheat on you. It's a fact of life.

My advice is to see his past as a sign that he is the sort of man who can recognize when he needs improvement. He's the sort of man who is willing to do hard things, to learn new things, and to pursue what he wants. And what he apparently wants is you. It's a good thing.

firetie · 2012-10-10T04:16:45+00:00

Seduction is about loving who you are and being that funny, confident, well-spoken, and fully-self expressed person who doesn't hesitate to lead in social situations. It evolves a person out of the mindset of needing to hurt others to bolster ego.

As for your question, take a look at what your boyfriend has actually done and how he acts now, and try not to put labels on it. Ask yourself if your okay with it. He can't change his past, so either accept that or move on.

For his actions, ask yourself if the pros outweigh the cons? I think that's the real answer you're looking for.

You may want to post to /r/askseddit for any future questions on this matter. They should be a receptive and helpful audience.

Edit: spelling

dkinmn · 2012-10-10T05:35:04+00:00

Sorry, but if he's "negging" you, he's not using PUA skills, he's just an asshole.

PLplotsOTS · 2012-10-10T05:50:01+00:00

My boyfriend and his friend group all liked to pick up females downtown.

...so, he's like most other members of the male population? Your boyfriend is not an ex-PUA. Just a typical guy who wanted to get better with ladies and found a good way to do it. Sure, it's unfortunate that he internalized some of the more negative concepts. But that's not exclusive to the seduction community. It happens when you interact with any group of people or subscribe to any school of thought.

I'd focus more on whether he's aware of his negativity and committed to fixing it, rather than where it came from.

TofuTofu · 2012-10-10T12:06:15+00:00

Please repost this in /r/AskSeddit. Thanks!

BTW, you should feel honored that he put in all the hard work to become the awesome guy that you fell for. He cared enough about you to make sure he was ready when the time came.

Would you rather he be a socially inept idiot with bad fashion? (stereotypical pre-PUA guy)

Desmadre · 2012-10-10T05:39:46+00:00

DO NOT move in together.

Title	Seddit, my boyfriend used to be a PUA, and I'm not sure how to feel about it.
Author	thrownawayaddict
Upvotes	1
Comments	14
Date	October 10, 2012 3:41 AM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/118g5q/seddit_my_boyfriend_used_to_be_a_pua_and_im_not/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/seddit-my-boyfriend-used-to-be-a-pua-and-im-not.1340950 https://theredarchive.com/post/1340950

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