The friendzone

puaCurveBall · 2012-10-31T23:05:12+00:00

How do you know if a guy is hitting on you?

You don't.

How can you get a person you like to notice you in a non-friend manner?

You display attractive qualities. Sexuality, intelligence, humor, social aptitude, pre-selection, abundance mentality and avoiding any neediness.

What's the difference between harmless social flirting and I-want-to-date-you flirting??

There is none.

You are approaching this whole thing from a completely reactive viewpoint, which goes against what we teach here. You should take matters into your own hands!

If you are attracted to a guy, then flirt and escalate to find out if he is attracted back. If you aren't attracted, then you don't need to do anything other than turn down his advances.

There is no better "test" of whether someone is interested like making a proposition (whether its kissing you, going on a date, whatever) and getting accepted or rejected.

Trying to dance around rejection just leads to failure.

ARealSocialIdiot · 2012-11-01T00:16:32+00:00

Probably the biggest thing you'll need to change is that you need to be more sexual. I don't mean dressing slutty or throwing yourself at a guy or anything like that, but if there's one common thing in a romantic-tinged interaction, it's that there's a sexual charge. Make suggestive comments, drop an innuendo here and there—give the guy a reason to think that you're imagining what he looks like naked. Something that clues him in to the idea that you want a sexual interaction with him. Without the sexual tension, it will go nowhere.

jingidy · 2012-11-01T05:38:24+00:00

Yay! I love it when girls are brave enough to post here ^{_^} Basically, what puaCurveBall said, but I just wanted to provide more insight and resources specifically from a girl's perspective.

How do you know if a guy is hitting on you?

You don't notice because most guys are terrible at flirting (just like us...). In my experience, I only notice if someone is flirting with me if

a) he's drunk/just not socially well-atuned, therefore has no inhibition, therefore is really cheesy and obvious, and therefore not attractive

b) I've accidentally gone on a date with him and he tried to make a move... oops.

c) he's very skilled at flirting with girls. For this kind of guy, he's probably also pursuing other girls at the same time (abundance, abundance), so if you want him you need to chase him, otherwise he might just go with one of the other attractive girls who did chase him.

How can you get a person you like to notice you in a non-friend manner?

Inner game. It's exactly the same for both sexes, and the tips on seddit are great. Note that this is increasing the % of people who notice you in a non-friend manner, not increasing how much a man will work to get you.

To increase the likelihood of a specific guy wanting you, I really like this tip from The Playette FAQ:

...while you're talking, drop in some sexual content that DOES NOT REFERENCE him directly at all, but presents you as a sexual person" ... An example I KNOW I've given on ASF before: "So I was shopping, and lately I've been really into buying brightly colored panties because, you know, I wear all black all the time... And I guess it makes me feel like I have a secret."

All of these are ways to passively attract guys. You're basically waiting for them to want you enough to make a move. This is comfy and all, but it's not as effective as actively flirting with them.

What's the difference between harmless social flirting and I-want-to-date-you flirting??

Flirting is where techniques for girls and guys differ quite a bit. Here's some seddit oldies but goodies on how to flirt as a girl =)

hrtfthmttr · 2012-11-01T00:18:12+00:00

Not this again. I have a female friend who talks like this all the time. "Guys only see me as a friend...I don't want to change myself...I'm not one of those flirty-types...blah blah whine whine." All of those are excuses to avoid rejection. You want more than friends, but you refuse to show people you want that. It's not needy, it's acting in a way that shows your true desire. That's not changing yourself, that's showing yourself.

This sounds like tough love, because it is. The fact is, you have this idea that people should be coming to you, like CurveBall said. This is wrong. Every single one of my female friends in long-term relationships or married made the first approach. Every. Single. One. And they are some bombshells, too. Go do something.

backtothegame · 2012-11-01T00:41:51+00:00

Number one thing girls can do is change their appearance. I'm not saying go slutty at all. Just look really well put together for whatever your style is, a couple of touches of sexy like skirts or a good hint of cleavage or heels if you can walk in them. Learn how to do your makeup properly, even if you're still going for a natural look.

Ladies never like to hear this (I even personally prefer brunettes) but try going strongly blonde for a month and see what changes. In terms of research and statistics, actual science, that is the single largest factor in attracting male sexual attention.

2012-11-01T03:24:04+00:00

You sound like one of my ex's, we we're quite literally from my standpoint 'just friends' and not because she wasn't attractive (she was) , what was wrong? , she wasn't sending me any singal to idicate verbally or non verbally any kind of sexual attraction, and we'd known each other long enough so the initial chemistry of any male /female had worn thin.

I finally invited her back to my place and we hit it off but it didn't occur to me to do so until we both ended up at a cafe at 3am (it dawned on me that maybe the reason she still hadn't gone home was because she was actually into me)

I believe you when you say you're socially inept, she totally was (up until we dated I thought she was just shy, i'm no social butterfly but after taking her to some parties and things...just wow) , I was raised on monty python and the like, she couldn't understand sarcasm , it almost led to fights, I would actually have to state 'that was sarcasm'

maybe study non verbal body language cues (which aren't 100% but if you prime yourself to notice them and experiment a little you might get the hang of it) , and try to notice the intention behind variance in the WAY things are said, tonality and such.

"Let's eat, grandma!" vs "let's eat grandma!"

:D

dakru · 2012-11-01T21:40:12+00:00

You can get friend-zoned if you don't ever act sexual towards them and don't ever make a move or otherwise show interest. Yeah, women can often get away with just sitting around and letting thing come to them, at least when they're young. And if this works for you, great. But if it doesn't, you're going to meet some guys, and ask them out.

lawyerdog829 · 2012-11-01T23:00:36+00:00

Take a guy's opinion with a grain of salt. We really do see situations differently so this situation may be the same as guy asking a girl how to get girls. That being said I'll try my best to answer your questions.

1)You don't always. Sometimes you can tell but not always. If you really want to read an article or two on body language then do so. But I'd honestly I'd advise you to trust your instincts more than anything. They may sometimes be wrong but you can beat that. The way to do so is to ramp up the intensity of the flirting, which is question #2.

2) Long story short, be more sexual. Be very careful with this as a lady, because you're dealing with something extremely powerful. But yeah, essentially associate yourself with sex once in a while. It can be hard to insinuate sexuality without being too bold admittedly (I don't know how women do it). This is the game, though, but you just do your best to associate yourself with sex (along with all the other awesome traits about you that you're already talking about). Occasionally throw out a mildly-suggestive sexual innuendo about something third-party, or just lightly touch his arm or shoulder. If you want to ramp it up, touch his leg or talk about something sexual specifically involving you (don't talk about something sexual involving him or the two of you together until you already have had sex though because that's way too direct). It may sound scary to do but that's what I respond to as a man. Seriously, it works.

3) Making shit happen (or escalation). With a girl I used to flirt with playfully we would always say we'd make plans but never did. Someone who really wants to date you and isn't afraid of rejection will try to see you again. As a guy I do things like touch you, ask for your number, take you home, etc., things I didn't do for the other girls in the bar. That's how I tell you you're special.

Title	The friendzone
Author	lastthrow
Upvotes	5
Comments	18
Date	October 31, 2012 10:53 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/12fcfc/the_friendzone/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/the-friendzone.1342032 https://theredarchive.com/post/1342032

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