Just lost my father

johannthegoatman · 2013-03-24T03:40:38+00:00

/r/OneY might be a better spot for this.

Time dude, give it time. Don't be afraid to grieve, do whatever you feel is best / want to do. The more you avoid it the longer it will take. I've lost both my parents and it never goes away but it does become very possible to be "you" again, though probably changed, and hopefully for the better.

superproxyman · 2013-03-24T09:07:37+00:00

'I can not show sadness'.

Wrong.

Dude, your Dad just died (my condolences), you can be as sad as you need, your family will understand as they're all going through the same thing.

Bottling your emotions isn't the best way of dealing with this.

belfastbiker · 2013-03-24T03:54:00+00:00

Read

I'm sorry for your loss. If anything, you're going to have to laugh and have more fun in honor of your father's memory. The way you handle this, will define who you become. There are many ways for you to move backwards from this, but even more to move forward.

May the force be with you, because your father already is.

nfiggy · 2013-03-24T06:06:36+00:00

I am not sure if I am allowed to laugh, talk to girls anymore, or have fun because it feels like it will be blasphemy to his memory.

Trust me, your father wouldn't want you living your life like this. He would want you to make the best of your life, using all the advise he ever gave you to live life to the fullest. Having fun is the best way to honor his memory.

badadvice_guru · 2013-03-24T13:51:35+00:00

It's incredibly nice of you guys to show this kind of empathy rather than just linking him to another sub reddit.

OP, seek out a therapist, specifically a Licensed Clinical Social Worker if you can. I find they are usually trained to get right to the meat of your issues, rather than draw out six months of sessions about your creepy uncle who touched you when you were five. You need an outlet like this if you want to be that rock for your family.

Start journaling, I used to walk around with a small notepad in my pocket. I'd write anything that came to mind, my longings, sorrows, joys, etc. I can't stress how healing that was, especially for someone that never actively kept a journal in his life up until that point.

TofuTofu · 2013-03-24T15:27:34+00:00

Really sorry for your loss.

I cannot show sadness as my little brother, mother and grandparents now depend on me.

That's not true at all, man. Don't bottle up your emotions. No one will think less of you for it.

I am not sure if I am allowed to laugh, talk to girls anymore, or have fun because it feels like it will be blasphemy to his memory.

Re-read that slowly. I think you'll see that it doesn't make any sense. Your dad would want you to live your life and be social.

Will everything I have done over the months go to waste to try to become a better man? Is there a way to still move forward for me?

Take your time, talk to your friends and family about your feelings. Things will improve over time and you'll find yourself back on track. Your dad's spirit will always be there, watching you. Make him proud.

rknDA1337 · 2013-03-24T13:54:56+00:00

If you avoid grieving you will (everyone is different, though) enter an emotionless state which will (still, might not apply to everyone) make you very tired and each day will be harder to get through because without emotion there is no motivation.

I know this because I have a close friend who lost her father not long ago, and instead of grieve she shut off her feelings and this distanced herself from me and all her other friends. AFAIK, she still hasn't met any friends and only talked to three of us. My advice is: if you can, grieve and grieve now!

When you have grieved and you think of your father, don't be sad. Be glad that he was a part of your life and that you got to spend time with him, not everyone gets that. Celebrate his memory, if you will. (this is easier said than done)

nottraceable · 2013-03-24T17:40:41+00:00

I've been and still am in the same situation as you are. Except, for me it was even harder as I was in my early teen years when my dad died and I had to take care of administrative things because my mom was not able to... I've been struggling to find out what it means to be a 'man'.

I've read a lot and come to the conclusion there is no 'man'. If there is something like 'the man' it is about being true to yourself. Never forget who you are and carve your own path.

Also, keep your spirit high. The following years will be extremely tough but things WILL become better. I promise you. Ask what your father would want you to do. Would he want to see you sad? Would he want to see you hopeless? Good luck.

Title	Just lost my father
Author	Future_Alpha
Upvotes	14
Comments	15
Date	March 24, 2013 2:59 AM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1aw8k0/just_lost_my_father/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/just-lost-my-father.1349476 https://theredarchive.com/post/1349476

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