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[–]sleep_of_no_dreaming 5 points6 points7 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
MDMA and cocaine
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I've learned that simply faking confidence will lead to real confidence. The first few weeks, you have to consciously hold your shoulders high, sound resolute when talking to people, and keep eye contact. But then you get used to it and you start to feel like you have a presence wherever you go.
[–][deleted] 13 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
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[–]ronin120 2 points3 points4 points 13 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I don't entirely disagree w/ you, BigLimpin, I think I just want to expand. I'll just address OP's specific interests.
Improving your posture is good, but go beyond that: pay attention to your body language. There are several good books on body language, so take your pick.
Voice: Record your voice. Listen to it. Do you speak to quickly (nervous) or too slowly (connotes either slow-thinking or you're in your head too much). Is it high-pitched, nasally, or some other quality you don't like about it? Get a script: a paragraph or poem. Read and record it. Identify what you don't like and practice to change it. Remember, practice makes habit.
Resolution: Do you give up too easily? Yes, compromising is necessary at times, but if you're the first to concede all the time, then yes, that's a lack of resolution. Consider going to lunch with others. Do you suggest a place? How do you react when people reject your suggestion? Do you say "Whatever you guys want."? Can you be a mediator and facilitator for several people of differing opinions (Leading)? Again, compromise is good, but it's also fine to show that you have some hard/firm principles that you adhere to.
Have some firm principles, form some opinions, stand for your beliefs, and form your own philosophy. This may all seem unnecessary—it isn't. It sets you apart from most people out there. It hardens your mind, forms your persona. Don't be stubborn. You can change opinions and ideas given new information. You might change beliefs or principles after a life-changing event. But by having an idea of who you are, others will form the same idea of who you are. This expands on "Believe in everything you do."
I slightly disagree w/ "Be outcome independent." A raise/promotion is too important an outcome to be dismissive of. And it's hard to be 100% dismissive of the results of approaching and closing w/ a hot woman. Instead, I suggest that OP sets smaller goals to build confidence. Talk to women whom you have no intention of closing w/. Just talk w/ women to get rid of any nerves you have. And don't talk in such a way that comes close to seduction. Just a conversation. Same at work. Talk to coworkers, supervisors, vendors, clients, and bosses in a conversational manner. No pretense, no ass-kissing, no goal. Just have conversations.
At the end, when you have had hundreds of conversations with women and co-workers, it'll be easy for you. Your philosophy and principles formed your internal persona. Your persona's external aura is confidence. Your voice reflects your confidence.
"Smile, relax, and have fun." Bullshit. This is the most generic thing I've read all day. j/j : ) Relax, I was just having some fun. Didn't mean to have it at your expense. It'll take time. If you ask certain stand-up comedians "What does it take to be a good comic?" they'll respond with "Ten years." This will take time. How much depends on your drive. Good luck, smile, relax, have fun, and happy hunting.
[–]puaSenator 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I completely agree with the outcome independence part. Can you imagine if a bunch of Reddit Weebo Chodes started living life outcome independent. It would make social situations hell...
Sometimes, and a lot for beginners, you need not let certain things get you down, but God damn, if you say something retarded and get negative feedback, understand how you are saying retarded shit.
"I don't care about how people perceive me! I'm going to skip around and wear my Guy Fawkes mask because I'm an ALPHAAAAAA" -- No, this person should feel the negative effects of their outcome.
[–]unruly_teapot 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Focus on the positives, that way I remember that I am better than everyone else. Easy. (I will concede that there might be someone out there who is better than me at everything but they probably already have a girl they are happy with so STFU ladies and take a number). If you don't have this attitude you're not doing it right.
[–]mileshigh_23 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I spent the last 5 years getting over and ultimately mastering what were once panic-attack inducing phobias: public speaking and girls. What I found is you must do the thing you fear most over and over and over again. I spent the last five years in Toastmasters, and today I'm one hell of a public speaker. I was the MC at a wedding a few weeks and and it went truly stunning. That's because I've continually pushed myself to speak in public over these last five years. I'm no longer afraid of it. I have confidence that I can do it, and I've seen that messing up isn't a big deal.
I gained confidence with women in the same way: I literally started running after girls one day to introduce myself to them (direct openers ftw). Hundreds upon hundreds of girls. I'd stop them on a sidewalk, pay them an honest compliment, introduce myself, and then have a brief conversation. I've been rejected hundreds of times, and likewise have dated more girls than I'd ever imagined. I've been rejected so many times, it no longer hurts. The fear of being rejected is gone.
That's how I gained confidence. What do you fear, and how can you exercise that fear where it no longer affects you?
[–]YetzirahToAhssiah 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
When you speak, you probably speak with a head voice. It's quiet. Speak with air from your lungs, a chest voice. You will be and sound much more confident.
Don't use weak words. Avoid "maybe," "probably," asking for permission, etc.
I got confident by going out and walking up to random girls. Even by just talking to guys, just to get comfortable with cold approaches to people in general.
When you walk up to a girl and smile and look her in the eye (do not break eye contact, she'll hold on as long as she wants to), it feels awesome. You feel like a badass, because you are. Even if you get rejected, it feels great because you went for it. I've never regretted being rejected, only that I haven't approached a girl I was attracted to.
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[–]sleep_of_no_dreaming 5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
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[–]ronin120 2 points3 points4 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]puaSenator 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]unruly_teapot 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]mileshigh_23 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]YetzirahToAhssiah 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link