Why is it that my failures affect me the most and not my successes?

SupaStud · 2013-06-24T05:14:07+00:00

It's a psychological fallacy we all have to deal with. I can't remember the name of it, but I'm a poker player and it comes up a lot.

Basically what happens is you have the tools you need to win (close). Those tools also require the confidence that you will succeed in what you're doing. When you DO succeed, it's just expected. It's not that exciting, since your mindset was set up that way anyway.

When you don't close, you're left wondering what went wrong. You know you have the tools, the talent, and you're sitting there with your dick in your hand. You FEEL that loss significantly more than you are happy with the successes you've had.

THAT'S why this game is so difficult. You own brain doesn't want you to get used to rejection. The mindset assumes every girl wants you. The trick, is to become less invested in the outcome (win or lose). The less invested you become, the closer those two emotions of elation and defeat will become.

2013-06-23T22:18:46+00:00

Why is it that my failures affect me the most and not my successes?

Because that is just how life is. Even if it is not seduction. Its a matter of learning how say that whatever failure happens it will not impact with your self worth because there is more to you than your ability to do x. Where x can be whatever activity you wish.

I find myself wanting to have a relationship and any girl I get to know I get attached to because of this. How do I prevent this and just go with the flow?

For me, I stopped striving for relationships when I realized how much I was idealizing them. Relationships can be very constructive when two people who match and who know what they are doing are together. However, when things dont all line up it tends to be a recipe for disaster.

In a relationship you can become very vulnerable. Relationships can hurt, badly. That doesnt mean that you should avoid them, just keep that in mind. If you are in a relationship it does not logically follow what you will be happy. It also does not logically follow that it will happen the way how you picture it. In the end you cannot predict the relationship so its better just to focus on the girl in front of you and how much you enjoy being with her. Once the girl becomes an end in herself the rest will fall into place. (As long as you are not shy)

That is when you will go with the flow. That is when you are the most attractive. That is when you are at your best.

antonio_difagio · 2013-06-24T03:28:12+00:00

Your post reminds me of something similar I'm going through right now. It seems like you are placing more emphasis on others opinions of you than your opinion of yourself. If you are the prize then don't allow women to dictate your feeling of self worth, own that yourself and remember that most women aren't right for you in a relationship sense but at the same time that shouldn't keep you from looking to establish connections as many as you can. Good luck homie.

callmechad · 2013-06-23T21:46:41+00:00

This is a tricky one and I know how you feel but getting over oneitis is a necessary process if you want to move on.

The way I at least attempted to do it was after a conversation with a girl put myself in her shoes and look to see how I was coming off, this eventually led me to realize I was being too clingy and I promptly stopped talking to her all the time.

lolwhatsausername · 2013-06-24T01:11:22+00:00

You're putting too much pressure on yourself.

Juunanagou · 2013-06-24T04:11:27+00:00

Because you haven't failed enough yet.

Kappio · 2013-06-24T04:37:55+00:00

This does not happen to me. Maybe because one thing that i learnt over the years is that every single experience should be a learning experience. No matter the outcome, always take something new in, and learn from it.

Do_you_even_thrift · 2013-06-24T05:04:10+00:00

What do you think would have a larger effect on you... Finding an envelope on the street with $1000 cash with no strings attached, or finding out that you lost $1000? The joy of the winning would go away before the sting of the loss dude.

sillymallard · 2013-06-24T22:57:06+00:00

Reference dependence. It's human psychology that losses hurt more than gains of equal magnitude. There is no explanation for why we are like this, just that we are like this.

I wrote about this once, but it didn't get a lot of attention: http://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/mfeb8/reference_dependence_making_the_highs_feel_even/

Title	Why is it that my failures affect me the most and not my successes?
Author	callmechad
Upvotes	11
Comments	21
Date	June 23, 2013 9:05 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1gxeya/why_is_it_that_my_failures_affect_me_the_most_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/why-is-it-that-my-failures-affect-me-the-most-and.1354300 https://theredarchive.com/post/1354300

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