So there was a girl I had been texting back and forth from OKCupid for about 3 weeks or so. Earlier at around 11:30 she sends me a text saying she's in the area randomly. I tell her I happen to have the apt to myself tonight and invite her over for a couple of beers and a movie. She's hesitant at first but after a little back and forth she finally agrees to come over (no beer). This is the first time we've actually met and hung out, as our previous attempts to hang out have all fallen through.

So she comes to my apt and I put on a good show called Wilfred. I intentionally opened all the windows to make sure it was cold, and I grab a blanket and some pillows and have them on the couch ready to cuddle and keep warm. I make her some coffee (apparently she had to go shopping at 4am, whatever), and jump on the couch. I talk to her a bit while the show is going on and I playfully smack her with a pillow, and just some playful banter.

However every time I tried to raise kino she was just shooting me down. I put the pillow on her and use her as a pillow while just kinda touching her leg a bit under the covers. Eventually I make a joke and ask her if she's comfortable, and she sarcastically says yes. So I say something along the lines of "ok ok, I'll let you use me as a pillow but you only get half an episode and that's it" and she finally kinda leans on me. My arm starts to get a cramp so I try to position it and kind of hug/cuddle with her. But then she immediately sits up and leans away from me on the arm of the couch. At this point her phone goes off and she goes to check it, and as she sits down I try to get my arm around her again and pull her close.

She looks over at me and says "what are you doing?" and I said "what, I can't pull you in close to me??" and she said "No that's weird we're just friends"

Red alarms are going off like the 4th of July in my head now.

I just laugh and act indifferent to what she said and continue to use her like a pillow. After about 20 minutes of this I get restless because this is obviously going nowhere and I'm getting bored of watching the same episodes of the show I've already seen. so I get up and get water and just kind of stand there behind the couch for a minute while I drink.

I see she's getting kinda sleepy and I'm deciding what to do next. I either pull the naked man stunt for fun because I know nothing is going to happen and I want a story, or I just kind of give an ultimatum. So I look at her and say "come over here and cuddle with me" and she just says it's weird again and brushes me off. Then I say to her "well I'm gonna go to bed then, you can stay if you want but I'm getting sleepy." She just says "It's okay I can leave then. " and just rushes over to the door, obviously frustrated, and puts her shoes on, quickly thanks me for having her over, and doesn't even look at me as she walks out the door. I don't even feel bad.

TL;DR: Girl comes over for a movie at 12 midnight, doesn't want to cuddle, gets mad and leaves when I tell her I'm going to bed after a hour and a half of unsuccessfully trying to raise kino.

I got a few things out of this:

  • Perhaps I was too goal oriented in trying to get something physical out of her. I wasn't focused enough on just enjoying the moment.
  • Maybe I should have focused more on making her feel comfortable. In retrospect, this was the first time she met me, and it was a strangers house. However, she did come over at fucking midnight to watch a movie. I can't imagine she'd expect anything else, nobody is that brain dead.....right?
  • Perhaps a movie was a bad choice. she saw my n64 laying out and talked about diddy kong racing... Maybe some video games would have been better. We could have been interacting with each other with less silence and I could have built kino in a less direct way.

I wasn't enjoying her company anymore so I just kind of decided to not have her around anymore. Kino or no kino I was getting bored as the conversations were getting dull. Things to keep in mind for next time.