Learn from your mistake and don't blame the girl

arxch126 · 2013-11-17T19:48:36+00:00

Very sound advice.

The other day I approached a girl who seemed happy, but later on I found out she had been crying. I think I asked for her number too soon (didn't build the building blocks required etc) but when she told me she was sad, she also mentioned how much better she's feeling as a result being approached. I made her feel like she's worth being talked to.

It makes me happy to know that approach can profoundly impact the mood of the person you're interacting with. Reminds me that we're not all just assholes looking to get our dicks wet.

coolaznkenny · 2013-11-18T00:18:25+00:00

Uhhh i don't mind girls turning me down, its the degree of how she does it that makes her a bitch.

like for example, I come up say hi your cute, she throws her drink at me.

sedditdee · 2013-11-17T23:08:48+00:00

pure_x01 wrote: I have heard some other aspiring pua's that after a failed approach calls the girl a bitch or other stuff. If you are like that then try to learn from the failure instead and don't blame the girl. You don't know why she acted the way she did.

She probably acted that way because she has an attitude problem. If you did your best, you might have seemed "creepy" to her, but in an ideal world, women would give you pointers about how to act, rather than pushing you out of her life forever based on her preconceptions of you. Many women are emotionally and socially manipulative; that's why they enjoy being rude to guys who are trying to be sociable. It takes a lot more energy to have empathy than it does to act like the other person is less than human.

For me personally i love women...

I've never understood (actually, yes I do) the mantra "I love women." Women are human beings, like any other human being. To "love" an entire half of the human species is a bizarre mentality that completely ignores the fact that many women couldn't care less about being loved by you, and will see it as an opportunity to take advantage of yet another naive Nice Guy.

... and my goal with approaching is to have fun but also make the girl happy.

"Make her happy" isn't your job. Enjoying yourself with others who are similarly enjoyable at that moment is your job. To "make someone happy" is to play the game of trying too hard in order to get a "positive" reaction.

Having self amusement in a way that makes girls annoyed will create a negative vibe and their shield for future approaches will thicken. Maybe she does not get approached so often and based on that she might think that all men are assholes when approaching.

The idea of "self-amusement" is made-up jargon that completely distorts the concept of being in conversation with someone else. Make sure that you lead an interesting life that is comprised of activities that can be told as evocative stories. Tell your stories. Self-amusement is like taking a yo-yo to a nightclub and telling girls, "hey, look! My yo-yo is neon and I can do tricks!" Of course you'll always fear girls' "negative vibe" if you're juggling the mythical "self-amusement" idea and trying to peek out from behind the mirror to see if she likes it. Connect the qualities of your stories to the thoughts, hopes, dreams, ideas and lifestyle that she wants to visit or become for herself. Then you'll have a captive audience. And the best part of it is that if your story and hers don't connect, you won't be playing with your glow-in-the-dark yo-yo all night while getting nowhere.

Leave the girl in a better state than what you found her in!

Or, just leave the girl if she is in a worse state than you care to deal with at the moment. Be more selective. It's not your job to give her a "better state" unless she's paying you for entertainment. This goes back to the idea of a "failed approach". If you're "scoring" your approaches in terms of success and failure, then you're pressuring yourself to act like a "winner". There are no winners or losers unless you also accept the idea that she is judging you. And if you don't allow her to judge you in the first place, you don't have any reason to blame her, regardless of how she reacts to you. It simply doesn't matter whether her dog just died, she broke a nail, her friend just slept with her ex, she doesn't like your accent, your nose is .5cm too big, or whatever.

Learn from your mistakes. The rest is unnecessary mental self-help gymnastics that will ultimately leave you in a worse state, unless you twist your thinking to defy reality. Reality: sometimes girls do act like bitches. Sometimes they don't. It's not up to you either way, so there's no point in obsessing over it, or her "state", or whatever you want to call it. "I'm self-amusing", "I love women", and "I want to leave her in a better state" are quick-fix band-aids to cover up your own insecurities under paper-thin layers of self-manipulation; a person who habitually manipulates himself is also easy prey for anyone who's better at the game than him (witness every guy who swallows the "lifestyle marketing" message that "banging 10s" is the pinnacle of manhood; who's really in control, there? Hint: not the guy).

ImpKirk · 2013-11-18T21:44:29+00:00

I've always wondered about this. It's quite negative to think it's always your fault, and isn't it kind of "beta" (for a lack of a better word) to accept blame for everything that doesn't go right. I'm not perfect and a girl I thought things had been going well with (She'd approach me, flirt) totally blew me off a few times for dates (I should have used the 3 strike rule, but she seemed genuine so I gave her another chance) and now there isn't anything between us. Do I say "Well I fucked up somewhere. Back to the drawing board with another girl, I've got to refine my techniques." or say "Well, something isn't working out between us. It's not my fault, but she could have a multitude of things going on so I'm not gonna be a dick to her, I'll just move on to another girl, I'm fine as who I am, I know I'm improving anyways."

TylerX5 · 2013-11-17T19:18:03+00:00

I do know why she acted like that.

Because she's a bitch.

Title	Learn from your mistake and don't blame the girl
Author	pure_x01
Upvotes	50
Comments	20
Date	November 17, 2013 6:09 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1qu2bq/learn_from_your_mistake_and_dont_blame_the_girl/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/learn-from-your-mistake-and-dont-blame-the-girl.1361664 https://theredarchive.com/post/1361664

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