Hi Seddit,

Yesterday I came to you looking for advice, and the conclusion you helped me come to was that I was over thinking it. I appreciated the help, but it didn't end there. One of our friendly neighborhood mods (bl1y) set me a challenge; to come up with three German openers, use each one ten times, and come back with the results.

The simple fact is that openers, to me, are situational in English, but needed a bit more rigidity in German so that I don't sound like a complete fool. The trouble I have here is that the culture is not very open to starting up random conversations with strangers, and what is worse is approaching groups as a single person, and looking to number close the target.

Therein lies the subject of this post; approaching groups with an artificial time constraint. Allow me to divulge my particular brand of approach in this context in steps.

step 1: Inject yourself into the group. I do not mean stand on the outskirts looking in, I mean get right the fuck up in that shit. Today I approached a 2 set, sat down next to the target (should have been next to the obstacle for this technique, but that is a note I take with me for another day) put my chin on my first, and looked at them as if I expected them to address the fact that I was sitting there. If you are in a standing group then it is important to remember that unless you claim their attention you will not get it, or if you do, it will be as a nuisance not a novelty.

step 2: Ask if they speak English, continue in German. This is meant to demonstrate two things. First; that German is not your native language, so when you inevitably sound like a handicap you have plausible deniability of whatever retardation you are sporting that day. Second; It is a demonstration of value. It shows, that although you are not familiar with their language, you respect them and their culture enough to adapt yourself rather than expect the opposite. It shows that you are confident enough to approach a girl and talk to her even though you know you sound like an idiot. And it shows that you value the practice of practicing; something which the Germans love.

step 3: Address the obstacle. "Do you mind if I talk to your friend quickly?" This includes the obstacle in the conversation, and rather than being annoyed that their conversation is interrupted, she is vicariously excited to be involved with this bizarre interaction; knowing later that when the story is told she has an integral part to play in the telling.

step 4: Speak slowly, carefully, and brokenly in German to introduce yourself, tell her why you are approaching her (probably because she looks like a fox), and tell her that you want to take her on a date. ("Datum," auf Deutsch).

Step 5: Get shot down because she has a boyfriend named Marcus, tell her to have a good day.

Step 6: Rinse and repeat.

Hope this helps all you gentlemen abroad, and maybe even those of you who are just struggling to approach groups. Please feel free to replicate and report back.

Viele Grusse and happy hunting.

-sloshslapper

tl;dr Make them pay attention to you; get the obstacles to accept your company; engage the target.