Today I'm celebrating my 5th "approach" ever, with my first one on 1/6 this year. First time I did a direct approach of the "I think you're cute" variety.

Things had been pretty good so far, all the approaches either concluded very fast (boyfriend right behind the corner) or very amicably (won't give me phone number, has boyfriend, but is super nice about it). I was starting to wonder when I was going to screw up or get shot down so I could be build a tougher skin. Today didn't disappoint!

Getting off a late train to work, no warmup whatsoever, couldn't find anybody reasonable to talk to. I see a really cute girl waiting for the next train (not the one I just got off) as I walk past her by a dozen feet. She's staring intently at her phone, sees nothing. I was feeling pretty good about myself at that point and she looked interesting. I turn around, walk up in front of her, look at her, do my best comfortable body language impression and give her an "everything's ok" smile as per Nick Sparks. She looks up, and I say something along the lines of the ever true "Hi, I know this is random, but I thought you were cute and I had to stop by and introduce myself" or something like that.

What follows is probably the greatest "Oh God, not this again, why does this always happen to me?!" face I've ever seen anybody make. It's almost a micro-grimace, lasts literally a tenth of a second before she puts up a slightly forced smile, but I could identify very clearly the original intention. Well, I'm already on the carousel, too late to get off now, so I just keep going. We introduce ourselves and shake hands.

In the moment I consciously know I'm nervous and that I'm racing way too fast, trying very hard to avoid the silence. I ask her a very basic "What are you up to today?" (again, from Sparks material). She pretty tersely says she's just getting off work. I follow up with a cold-read (straight out of Manson's tips) "You have a very professional air to you, let me guess, a paralegal?", to which she very coldly responds "No, I work with children". At this point I'm kind of lost, I'm pulling for straws and she's not getting the hook. I'm almost done, but I give it a last shot, something along the lines "Ah, not even close, huh? Oh well, you must have started pretty early today if you're already done! Do you always start this early?" which again she responds to with barely a whole sentence. This is practically an interview by now, so I know I blew it. I wish her a good day and go on my way. I could cut the awkwardness with a knife at that point.

Anyways, not super awful in retrospect, but I learned a few things:

  • I know what it feels like to approach someone who's completely unresponsive. It was obvious right from the beginning this was a bad time. The feeling of shame of standing there for a good 5 seconds, furiously trying to come up with something to say before I decide to eject is pretty strong, but I'm sure it'll get better with time. I know I shouldn't have to do anything more than drop the hook a couple of times until she takes it off from there, but the pressure of filling in the silence was absolutely crushing :)
  • I'm know my execution was at best mediocre, but I'm willing to believe that this was a case of 60/40 and she was just not going to connect at that point in time with anybody.
  • Kind of awkward to stop to talk to someone for 45 seconds and then leave, but I guess you just need to get used to it during daygame. I'm pretty good at getting social cues at least..
  • Nothing bad happened, nobody died, nobody laughed at me as I ejected, so I'm going to positively file this under the "see, this is not that scary after all" category.

Thoughts? Tips? I guess there's not too much to add, just a combination of an unresponsive woman and a very rough execution. Does direct get much better with experience?

Cheers!