(this is the second part of a two-part series. Part One is posted here: http://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/295hqu/how_to_pay_a_compliment_to_a_beautiful_woman_part/). If you like this series, please check out my blog at http://www.richlifecleanspirit.com.

Now that you’ve done some thinking about closeness and proximality, we can move on to some technique.

Notice Differences

The best case scenario for complimenting a woman is where she has clearly made an effort, and you’re recognizing that effort. The reason that she made the effort was to exercise control over her circumstance – your compliment can validate for her that that effort was worthwhile. It also communicates another important fact – that you pay attention, and that you consider her worthy of your attention:

*You: You changed your hair, didn’t you?

Her: Yeah, I thought I’d try something different.

You: It looks nice.*

It’s short, it’s sweet and it requires nothing further from her. I’m a big fan of walking away right after that, where it’s appropriate. She may want to talk more, but she may also be a little off balance, however positively after that, and you can give her a little space to enjoy the moment with no pressure.

Sometimes the exchange will go like this:

*You: You changed your hair, didn’t you?

Her: Yeah,a few weeks ago.*

No problem. IT DOESN’T MATTER. It doesn’t matter if you noticed and didn’t say anything, it doesn’t matter if you didn’t notice until just now.

Her: (continuing): Didn’t you notice before? (note: no woman has ever said this to me, and no woman is likely to say it to you – you will read it into her tone of voice. But just in case, here’s how you respond).

If you had noticed:

You: Yeah, I did. I just haven’t had an opportunity to tell you how nice it looks.

If you hadn’t:

You: Afraid not. But it looks very nice.

Pop quiz: which one is more proximal?

The first is more proximal, and therefore riskier. That’s right – it’s safer for you to have screwed up and overlooked the detail about her! It’s not a big difference – just tell the truth so you don’t have to think so hard.

Pro-tip: There’s a magic word I use that works equally well when you’re complimenting your friend’s wife, when you’re complimenting your grandmother, and when you’re complimenting the woman you just met and have romantic interest in:

LOVELY

There’s an unspoken scale of intimacy, friendliness, romance and kindness and this word falls smack dab in the middle of it. It conveys aesthetic appreciation, while at the same time being respectful and a little old-school. It’s a very safe word, and really the only risk is that it might not be bold enough. Properly delivered, it is misunderstanding-proof – it’s my go-to word for paying compliments to women who aren’t my wife:

“That’s a lovely dress.”

“That’s a lovely necklace.”

Keep in mind proximality like I said before – there’s a big difference between “your hair looks lovely today” and “you look lovely today”.

Bonus Pro-tip: There’s a way to cheat and have it both ways with proximality, and that’s to qualify your compliment as being more proximal than you sure is safe:

“If you don’t mind me saying, you have an absolutely lovely smile.”

PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE

I didn’t learn this from reading books, or blogs, or watching YouTube videos – I’ve spent a lot of time with beautiful women – most of all, with my beautiful wife. You can commit this document to memory, be able to spot proper proximality at thirty paces, and still not be able to close the deal when the moment comes.

I’ve spent my life in choir, drama, dance, rock and roll, and I’ve worked in a number of primarily female companies. The first day you meet the stunning brunette, you may be tongue-tied, but after you’ve talked to her a thousand times at the end of the performance when she’s exhausted, when she just blew the presentation, when she hurt your feelings and she’s genuinely sorry – you’ll see the truth about her, that she’s a human being just like you.

Years ago, I was in a wedding for a close friend. I was a groomsman, and I walked a bridesmaid down the aisle. This bridesmaid was absolutely stunning…Charlize Theron, Scarlett Johansson, you name it. She just had the starpower, if you know what I’m talking about. So, we get through the wedding, we get through a dance, and I’m out to have a drink.

I’m not proud of it now, but the truth is that I think I looked at her and thought, “Wow, it must be nice to be beautiful like that and sail through life without fear and self-doubt.” I had her pegged right up until an hour or so later when I saw her sitting at one of the tables crying, being consoled by one of the other bridesmaids. I was standing with the groom, and I asked him what was going on. He told me

“Yeah, she’s just…really lonely. She has a hard time meeting people, and we knew she was going to have a hard time at the wedding having just turned thirty.”

I was wrong…so, dead, wrong about her. All I could do at that point was learn. And now – tell you about it.

I can’t encourage you enough to seek out circumstances that allow for this kind of learning. If you see guys for whom this seems effortless and you wonder “what’s the difference?” THAT’S THE DIFFERENCE. It’s just having put in the hours. There are hobbies like dance or theater that women are drawn to, there are industries where women predominate like healthcare and education – setting up circumstances where you will be FORCED to talk to women face-to-face on a regular basis is the key.

Homework

Get some experience under your belt in the next few days – when you’re at a coffee shop, talking to your waitress, whatever – pay the lady a level 1 compliment. Remember Motives – this is your opportunity to genuinely brighten her day; you have that power. Look for a detail, a pretty necklace, jewelry, or clothing (assuming that it’s not a work uniform, dork). If you feel extra-bold, tell her she’s got a pretty smile. Women’s smiles are like sunsets – I’ve never seen an ugly one.

Now that we’ve spent some time being ruthlessly tactical and are planning to use a stranger for practice, it’s worthwhile to properly reorient our motives about the exercise. I want you to consider a twenty-five year old single mother getting dressed for work. She looks in the mirror, fretting about the ten pounds she wishes she could lose. She hears her mother coming in the door to watch her year-old son while she’s at work. She’s tired before she’s even got to work – she’s having trouble paying the bills, and she’s worried about her future. She’s lonely. With all this in her heart, she puts on her work clothes and prepares for the day. She pulls out her favorite necklace from a little jewelry box on her dresser and puts it around her neck. That necklace is her self-statement that she is beautiful and powerful in the world – it is her hope. On some level just below conscious she wonders whether people see it – whether people see her.

This is the women making your coffee at Starbucks, the girl taking your order at the Chili’s, and the woman behind the desk at the doctor’s office. Because you’ve read this chapter, done something thinking and prepared yourself mentally, you have a gift for her. Find the necklace, the pretty dress, the detail – and connect, if only for a moment.

Worst case scenario – she says “What are you doing talking to a complete stranger like that? What kind of weirdo does that?” You can then reply, “Well, I was reading an article called “How to Pay a Compliment to a Beautiful Woman…” She’ll smile. And even if she doesn’t, it will make a GREAT story.