How to fight feeling of panic at parties and social gatherings, and to stay cool even when not in conversation?

unspecifiedldn · 2014-07-11T11:49:29+00:00

Whatever you do, do not whip out your phone! - my two cents

2014-07-11T14:18:19+00:00

as though everyone was thinking 'room full of people, and dude's got no one, what a sucker!'

No, see, if everyone is having a blast it's very unlikely they will pay attention to that "lonely loser." Unless they're assholes they'll probably be having fun and not really paying attention to other stuff.

If I were you in that situation I'd slowly walk around (very slowly, like a foot per second) while listening what all the conversations are about. If you are familiar with forums you know the rules: don't post straight away, lurk a little bit. So, just hang around and hear what all the little groups are talking about. Stay away if they're talking about specific people you don't know about ("Oh, Chad is about to become a doctor"), but if you find a topic you find interesting or feel you could say something about it just stay in the group. A brief "hey" helps if they start making eye contact with you.

It rarely happened, but it did happen, that the people in the group stopped talking and looked at me as soon as I got near them. In that case you could say "Do you mind if I join you guys?" If they say no it's not a group of people worth interacting with IMO.

(Disclaimer: I'm not American, so feel free to change whatever suits you. At least that's how I go in those situations).

caretaker81 · 2014-07-11T13:46:59+00:00

I've been there as well, so this mainly comes from personal experience: 'Stop caring what others think of you'. Really, you shouldn't mind. In fact, standing alone in a crowd show a lot more confidence that having to hang around others. Also, one huge benefit of being alone: You are much more accessible to be approached (unless your body language says otherwise). It takes practice, but you will be a lot happier if you can go to events and parties on your own, not knowing if there is anyone there that you know. Also, you'll meet a lot of new people when you don't go with friends.

raimondi1337 · 2014-07-11T14:32:36+00:00

I always have this problem. I usually end up walking around from group to group not really doing anything.

I've found two way to get around it:

go play drinking games, either get on the table, to find an empty one, get some cups and yell at groups of people (preferably women) to come play until you have enough people. girls love flip cup.
if you know the host(s) get to the party early, like first or second person there. make friends with everyone as they come in to avoid feeling overwhelmed. Start the games, talk to everyone, try and get some momentum going behind you being the life of the party. Easier with smaller gatherings.

Not2original · 2014-07-11T20:43:43+00:00

Practice: by going to public places, parks, library's, college campus, movie theaters, restaurants.

Go to people watch, and hopefully you will notice as you watch other people, you'll notice no one is watching you. Yes they may look at you and talk to their friends, but who cares?!

You don't know them, so why do you care about them, and why should they care about you?

Learn to be comfortable in your own skin in public settings that is not a club.

You are Awesome! and your happy being awesome by your motherfucking self.

You choose to share your awesomeness with those around you, at your whim!

When you see some one that might be Awesome you chose to meet them and 'vibe' together in your collective Awesomeness.

and When your done, you can choose to go back to being Awesome all by yourself! =-)

kace91 · 2014-07-11T13:58:58+00:00

Don't go to parties straight away if you feel like that. Well, you can if you want, but this things are much easier if you're in an event that has a purpose other than socializing. You can start by going to an activity: organized sports, art classes, a language course, whatever floats your boat. Just avoid picking something that has a lot of potential for awkward/introverted people, you want social people ( no Japanese, board games or things like that if possible). You'll see that things are much easier when you have an "excuse" to be talking and collaborating with other people, and in moments of uneasiness you can just work in your things for a second while you gather your thoughts.

That can help you both to rebuild your friends network, and to become better at interactions. Then you can move to activities related to your field of interest (for example, if you pick up photography you can go to expositions), etc. work your way up until you end up in places where interaction is the only purpose.

And (my two cents) forget about seduction until you have a good social life and interests to keep you well by yourself. Otherwise you have a lot of possibilities to come off as clingy.

sharkacolypse · 2014-07-11T20:33:35+00:00

I've dealt a lot with high anxiety and situations that feel like you have no control. What I've found is that it helps to focus on your breathing, and make sure you are taking slow, easy breaths. When you have composed yourself, go get a drink, not because you need to drink more, but because it will give you something to do. Now you're at the drink table, and guess what? There are other people there too! Talk to them, as there are likely other people there that also are looking for people to talk to.

2014-07-14T16:28:06+00:00

Get a drink.
Sit down somewhere.
Take up space. (Legs spread, arms over the back of the couch, whatever.)
Wait for people to come to you.

Brought your guitar? Put it back. Want to let people know you're not here to have a good time? Take out your phone.

IpickupGrandmothers · 2014-07-11T15:04:16+00:00

Approach someone.

Title	How to fight feeling of panic at parties and social gatherings, and to stay cool even when not in conversation?
Author	Cadenca
Upvotes	30
Comments	9
Date	July 11, 2014 9:32 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/2aevwn/how_to_fight_feeling_of_panic_at_parties_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-to-fight-feeling-of-panic-at-parties-and.1373444 https://theredarchive.com/post/1373444

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