How to stop seeking validation and attention?

petriomelony · 2014-08-13T15:40:30+00:00

Change your mindset when going out, from "I need to talk to women" to "I need to entertain myself and have fun". This might not be easy, but in the long term it will allow your interactions to be truly genuine and not forced.

If you are out and are suddenly not having fun, just say to yourself, "how could I be having more fun right now?" If that means dancing, go dance. If that means live music, go somewhere with live music. If it means testing out cheesy pick up lines to get funny reactions, do that. Focus on entertaining yourself and the rest will follow.

kwbach · 2014-08-13T15:55:57+00:00

I haven't done this with the ladies yet, so take these ideas with a grain of sodium chloride.

I host an open mic once a month. I was looking forward to it this time because there were a few ideas I wanted to try onstage and off stage. They were: Smile less. Talk less. Pause more.

I have social anxiety. When it flares up, I become more validation seeking and become uncomfortable with even the tiniest of breaks in the flow of the conversation. A nervous smile appears on my face and I absolutely must be the first person to break the silence, completely forgetting that conversation is at least a two person activity.

The combination of those three actions on the stage made me much calmer. At some point, my nerves evaporated and I had little concern about if what I was doing or saying was entertaining the audience. I didn't give a shit. That's pretty much the definition of not seeking validation. Consequently, I was a lot funnier and entertaining than I have been. With no alcohol. No adrenalin.

Curiously, when the compliments came later on I didn't get much gratification out of them either. That was a weird feeling.

Off stage, it was a little more difficult. Sometimes I went back into old patterns. That was okay. It was to be expected. Onstage, even though you have many pairs of eyes watching you, you can't really see them. Off stage, face to face, the presence of the other person is amplified.

If you want to read more about this experiment have a look here:

http://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/2d93de/smiling_less_to_be_happier_an_experiment_in/

http://www.reddit.com/r/socialanxiety/comments/2ddyuz/smiling_less_to_be_happier_part_2_the_open_mic/

Hope this helps.

PM_Me_your_Antiques · 2014-08-13T15:21:04+00:00

CONFIDENCE my friend. I believe that if you as re true to your self it will all work itself out. Don't seek out a girl who needs validation. Find your inner self and what makes you confident and then the rest will fall into place.

Sounds cheesy right? But seriously. A women loves a man who is confident and doesn't have to try so hard. Your over thinking it.

Keep your head up.

xray777 · 2014-08-13T15:29:29+00:00

I found it was you just keep trying to stop seeking validation and attention and be secure without it. Keep repeating it to yourself.

It just takes time, but your mind WILL adjust.

Title	How to stop seeking validation and attention?
Author	kezchez
Upvotes	10
Comments	4
Date	August 13, 2014 8:40 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/2df5pn/how_to_stop_seeking_validation_and_attention/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-to-stop-seeking-validation-and-attention.1375012 https://theredarchive.com/post/1375012

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