Are you embarrassed of having a girlfriend or being seen with a girl?

RandianHero · 2014-09-23T14:23:22+00:00

I think every young man feels that way at some point. For whatever reason, the biggest fear a young man feels is that of judgment. He cannot handle the idea of other people thinking less of him for the things he does. And it's usually an inconsistent fear too: for example, he won't care that people think he's a douchebag for wearing stupid-looking pants or voting Republican, but he'll freak the fuck out over the idea that someone thinks he's dating "beneath him".

Eventually, you just grow out of that. You realize that other people's opinions are just that: opinions. They don't actually matter. A buddy thinking your girlfriend is ugly matters about as much as a YouTube commenter thinking a music video sucks. It's just noise. You are the one who chooses to internalize it.

Here are the real questions you should be asking: do you enjoy her company? Is she good in bed? Do you want to keep spending time with her?

So relax. Stop focusing on whether they're hot or not and just start talking to them like they're people. Magically, people will want to be around you and you'll start getting laid.

cloudywinds · 2014-09-23T12:01:30+00:00

First off lower your standards, and stop watching porn

ManowaR1488 · 2014-09-23T10:51:56+00:00

I felt that at the beginning, but it's like the same as your first day of school or first day at a new job...The feeling goes away pretty quick.

It's just new to you, that's all. Remember when you try a new sport with new people for the first time and you feel all awkward and embarrassed cause you suck?

It really is all in your head. Embrace that uncomfortable feeling, it's the best way to kill it.

wrdp · 2014-09-23T13:40:27+00:00

I've been there. You gotta realize that you don't derive your value as a man from how many chicks you bang or how hot your girlfriend is.

Meet someone you like and likes you back. What your friends and family think about your relationship should be a non-factor.

Link_GR · 2014-09-23T14:08:24+00:00

Who cares, man? In the end, only YOU have to like her. If she looks like Wonder Woman to you, why care what anyone else thinks? I just want a girl I can have fun with, not a prize.

recyclablebantha · 2014-09-23T14:35:50+00:00

When I was in high school I felt pressure to get a girlfriend because I never had one

No, not because you never had one. Because YOU were choosing and are still choosing to attach such monumental value and pressure on you in your dating life. Unless you think you're going to marry the first girl you date, it's most likely not even going to be a girlfriend, and yet that's how you're phrasing it in your head.

It's not up to anyone else, but you, to remind you that this is ridiculous. That is how you get out from under this. You have to squash these ridiculous fears by squashing the ridiculous thoughts that feed them. It's not magic and it's not easy but it is very doable.

and felt like she had to be super hot or else I would get made fun of.

Same situation. Ridiculous fear, fed by ridiculous thought that you could squash anytime you choose to.

The pressure part was from judgement of my family and friends, fearing "oh SHE's your girlfriend. lol" and that the first girl I ever date will be the subject of criticism from my family and friends. "So this is the first girl I've ever seen you with"

NO. The pressure part is from YOU. YOU are putting this pressure on yourself but you're taking away your power by CHOOSING to think that the pressure originates from other people. It does not. It originates from YOU.

Now I'm 25 and still embarrassed about never having a girlfriend and feel even more pressure that she better be fucking hot as hell. it's so stupid but this is the shit that goes on in my head.

It's not stupid. It's natural. Well, except that you're making it a little out of the ordinary by CHOOSING to prolong this situation by thinking that you have no control over your life when you do.

This is messing with my confidence and I feel like everyone knows I'm a virgin and laughing about me behind my back, even had family think I'm gay because I've never had a girlfriend. If it were that easy to just go down to the mall and grab a girlfriend I'd have 100's by now.

Side-note: nothing is keeping you from studying up on sex. You should know about the male and female g-spots, the different male and female orgasms (men and women both have at least 2 different kinds of orgasms), sexual positions, etc. If you make yourself a student of sex, your first time won't be so awkward. It might not be awkward at all if you have some idea what to expect.

Ideally, I'd love to bang a bunch of one night stands or super casual hook ups so I wouldn't have to disclose them with anyone else, if there's solutions for that I would be game 100% (no hookers)

Ironically, you're making such a big deal out of this that it really doesn't matter much how you break the seal. Once you do, you'll be able to think more clearly.

Title	Are you embarrassed of having a girlfriend or being seen with a girl?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	3
Comments	17
Date	September 23, 2014 10:45 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/2h7ulg/are_you_embarrassed_of_having_a_girlfriend_or/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/are-you-embarrassed-of-having-a-girlfriend-or.1376982 https://theredarchive.com/post/1376982

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