How can a nice guy not finish last?

2014-10-11T23:28:29+00:00

Nice guy =/= your description.

I'm a nice guy -- That never stopped me from making moves. That never kept me from getting laid. That never stopped me from sliding my hand up a girls thigh, going for kisses on a first date, asking a girl home, assuming attraction or getting what I want in life.

I see signs that a girl is good to go but because I'm nice I don't make a move. I don't want to push those boundaries because I'm afraid what I see as a sign might just be her being her.

That's not a nice guy; That's a wuss.

Don't be a wuss.

A genuine nice guy is a dude who isn't a douche, who is a reliable and dependable friend, who isn't just after sex. Not a guy whose afraid of being perceived poorly.

You can be a 'nice guy' and get laid, but you're not being a nice guy. You're afraid. Stop being afraid.

FYI: I'd more accurately describe myself as a 'good guy', not a 'nice guy', as that's a bad word here. You're trying to be a good guy. Not a nice guy.

Fatdotobird · 2014-10-11T21:33:34+00:00

Think about it like this; you knew she wanted you to make a move, she was sending you signals all night, right? Your being a dick for leading her on and not giving her what she wants. Be a nice guy, make her happy by closing.

mravonbarksdale · 2014-10-11T23:56:39+00:00

What is "nice" about making some woman wait forever before you make a move on her? She's a big girl...if she wants to reject you, I'm sure she can figure out how to do that. Until then, move ahead.

ThrowawayPUA · 2014-10-11T21:26:45+00:00

Probably some time around 1 AM, she was expecting you to shut up and make out. And you disappointed her. She tried not to show it.

Try reading this recent post I wrote:

http://redd.it/2is9ej

insidescoop84 · 2014-10-11T23:28:56+00:00

You may be a nice guy, but being nice isn't your problem. You have sexual anxiety and you're masking it for us, and likely yourself as well, with this "i'm too nice" bit. Being nice and being sexually aggressive aren't mutually exclusive things.

I don't say this to be rude or mean, I say this because you have to recognize the actual issue in order to confront it.

Trust your instincts. You think she's giving you signs, act on those signs. The only way you're pushing boundaries is if she lets you know you've read the situation wrong but you insist on still making the move.

manbeef · 2014-10-11T23:55:27+00:00

That's not you being a nice guy. That's you being a pussy.

If you're afraid of pushing someone, and you consider it 'not nice', then don't.

If you clearly perceive that she wants you, and you're not going for it, you're not fulfilling either of your desires. You're letting the both of you down.

If she's clearly good to go, man up and make a move. Simple as that. You'll both be happier.

fitzzpleasure · 2014-10-12T00:16:38+00:00

Do yourself a favor and read No More Mr. Nice Guy!

The main argument in the book is that nice guys are usually seeking the approval of others and fail to invest enough in themselves, this is why they are afraid to "push boundaries" afraid to "make a move" and afraid to make mistakes or misread the situation (as in your case), in essence they are afraid to be themselves. A confident man is more concerned with his opinion of himself than the opinion others have of him.

Here's the first few passages from the book to wet your appetite:

Five decades of dramatic social change and monumental shifts in the traditional family have created a breed of men who have been conditioned to seek the approval of others.

I call these men Nice Guy .

Nice Guys are concerned about looking good and doing it "right." They are happiest when they are making others happy. Nice Guys avoid conflict like the plague and will go to great lengths to avoid upsetting anyone. In general, Nice Guys are peaceful and generous. Nice Guys are especially concerned about pleasing women and being different from other men. In a nutshell, Nice Guys believe that if they are good, giving, and caring, they will in return be happy, loved, and fulfilled.

Sound too good to be true?

It is.

Over the last several years, I have encountered countless frustrated and resentful Nice Guys in my practice as a psychotherapist. These passively pleasing men struggle in vain to experience the happiness they so desperately crave and believe they deserve. This frustration is due to the fact that Nice Guys have believed a myth. This myth is the essence of what I call the Nice Guy Syndrome.

The Nice Guy Syndrome represents a belief that if Nice Guys are "good," they will be loved, get their needs met, and live a problem-free life. When this life strategy fails to produce the desired results — as it often does — Nice Guys usually just try harder, doing more of the same. Due to the sense of helplessness and resentment this pattern inevitably produces, Nice Guys are often anything but nice.

recyclablebantha · 2014-10-12T06:25:43+00:00

I don't want to push those boundaries because I'm afraid what I see as a sign might just be her being her.

Someone already said it, but the issue isn't being a nice guy. It's fear and doubt. You notice enough to know that you're in a good position and then spend all this time convincing yourself that she's just being "her" (whatever that means), when she does things like:

didn't even meet her in person until i got to her place......WE TALKED UNTIL 5 AM.....she was laughing playing with here hair....had her over shirt unbuttoned all the way down to one button

What?! She invited you to her place before meeting you? Was this a Tinder thing? Jeez man.... That alone is a huge sign of clearance to come in for a landing.

Then she spent time talking alone with a guy she just met, until 5 am. With her shirt unbuttoned almost all the way. Playing with her hair and laughing instead of calling it a night hours before.

And your irrational thought process is that these are just things she does? You have to do the work here to fight these kinds of bullshit thoughts. You owe it to yourself to do more fact checking when a thought runs through your head. If you were watching a movie and some girl was doing those exact things to a guy, you'd know what was coming, don't bullshit yourself.

What you need to do is be more ruthless in policing your own thoughts because you're allowing them to run wild and pull you inside of your head.

What I'm really trying to ask is how can I use my nice guy personality without it getting in the way of me closing?

Not the issue. Also, you don't "use" your personality. That's just the way you are, not a tool.

What I'm really trying to ask is how can I use my nice guy personality without it getting in the way of me closing?

LegitAnswers · 2014-10-12T15:11:59+00:00

I can talk to girls forever love doing it but me being nice gets in the way of me closing. I see signs that a girl is good to go but because I'm nice I don't make a move. I don't want to push those boundaries because I'm afraid what I see as a sign might just be her being her.

You're not being assertive. Contrary to popular belief, you can be nice but ALSO be assertive. You don't have to be a jack ass to be assertive.

2014-10-12T10:59:43+00:00

Guys and girls both want sex. You weren't a nice guy. You were a fucking pussy. Escalate when you have the smallest sign, by the time you notice its probably actually a very strong hint.

Title	How can a nice guy not finish last?
Author	JoeyWong420
Upvotes	8
Comments	11
Date	October 11, 2014 9:14 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/2iz4lu/how_can_a_nice_guy_not_finish_last/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-can-a-nice-guy-not-finish-last.1377876 https://theredarchive.com/post/1377876

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