• Failed Success*

Here I am sitting somewhat bittersweet with a psycho like expression on my face. The girl I like was sitting right beside me.... She has a man... I know but I desired her, I craved her uniqueness, I craved her mind, her touch.

Backstory She was the ideal girl in my eyes. The first day I saw her at school this semester I wanted to get to know her. Anyways We started talking, I found myself becoming intrigued by her and eventually wanted to get closer to her. I did that and, Just like Icarus I went far too close to the sun and I got burned.

I felt pain,joy,sorrow,relief and everything in one, been a long time since I've felt like that. Here's what lead up to that moment of bittersweetness... Last night I told her that I had something important I wanted to ask her today. Which got her very curious and she was practically begging me to ask her. I didn't ask her until today however.

Today I went to her and isolated her to an empty classroom. I then asked her my question. My question was, "Strawberry or Cherry, what's your flavor?" She looked rather confused at first but she then asked why I asked that, I told her. She then said Strawberry, mind you I was using this as a method for a kiss. I then proceeded to ask her if she wanted to kiss, she replied, " It depends on the mood I'm in". Long story short it registered as a sort of rejection in my mind as my emotions betrayed me as I haven't been shot down in a while. But I understood what she was saying logically but my emotions didn't and I kind of zoned out thinking after that.

Her boyfriend came a little after that. I wouldn't really call him her bf cause he really doesn't care about her. That's not jealousy talking either, he'll come to school sees her doesn't talk to her, doesn't respond to her text messages etc. he doesn't even look at her. I'm somewhat trying to convince her in a subtle way to wake up and smell the coffee. Why did I mention the bf? I mentioned him because he still affects her mood, meaning she'll think she's over him and as soon as he comes to school and doesn't pay her any attention she'll get all sad, cry and just zone out.

With that being said, in my moment of bittersweetness i gained quite an understanding of my feelings and embrace the feeling of being vulnerable.I now have a better understanding of emotions and how to approach situations you can't really control. It takes time patience and an all around good vibe to be good at this game. I'm ready to invest more time in myself and stop reverting to my AFC ways.