Is "if you want" a shit test. And if yes what is she trying to test? What is the appropriate response?

Alwaysforgetspsw · 2013-11-19T08:41:35+00:00

Not everything is a shit test. You'll learn to discern between normal human interaction and shit tests along the way after failing them. You'll "pass" all shit tests by having integrity.

It'll serve you no good to over-analyze everything a person says cause that'll only make you a hamster aswell. Relax and enjoy the ride.

VinylGuy420 · 2013-11-19T12:58:16+00:00

The correct response is "cool, ok then." The failing response is "are you sure? We don't have to if you're not 100% comfortable with the idea."

It's important to consistently convey the message that you are going to take her at her literal word , so she shouldn't say it if she doesn't mean it.

Wolfwoodd · 2013-11-19T14:46:48+00:00

Disclaimer: no context, so I'm taking my best guess as to what's going on here.

"If you want" typically means "I don't want to be the one making the decisions."

It's not really a shit test, but it is communicating something important: be more dominant/decisive.

_whistler · 2013-11-19T15:14:53+00:00

Sounds like you sought her permission to do something. Why are you doing that? You're supposed to be a man...make a decision and expect her to follow you.

[deleted] · 2013-11-19T13:31:02+00:00

You've given us nothing to go on. What is the actual conversation?

fuckyoueralla · 2013-11-19T07:44:17+00:00

Depends on the context.

tcjoyc11 · 2013-11-19T14:44:03+00:00

Demonstrate your frame by lowering your voice slightly and saying "Yes." or "No."

Leave the flimsy open-ended responses and questions for women/betas. Women want YOU to be the decisive one. You have to be the one who's sure of yourself in everything you do. A lot of women would do something they don't enjoy rather than actually have to show some responsibility and make a decision.

HeadingRed · 2013-11-19T21:30:38+00:00

"It's important to consistently convey the message that you are going to take her at her literal word , so she shouldn't say it if she doesn't mean it."

This is key as you will never get this one back.

The other question you will get asked over and over is "what do you want (to do)?". What she means is think about something I want to do that you would not mind doing. This does not mean what you really want to do- just something that is not awful or too unpleasant. What is going on here is your being conditioned to think about her automatically- even when you are being asked about yourself. Now what you want is what she wants. Your "want" is now gone, and you will be called selfish for thinking that "what do you want to do" means "what do you want to do".

Revising the dictionary is something you need to keep an eye on.

[deleted] · 2013-11-20T04:15:00+00:00

It... depends. Some people are just a bit hesitant to make demands of others, and 'if you like/want/feel-like-it/have-the-time' etc, all make it feel less imposing to them.

On the other hand, it also delegates the responsibility of the decision. If they make a request then add an 'if you want', it can be spin-doctored into being your idea and your decision and something you wanted to do, rather than them.

So, the appropriate response will vary. Always weigh the risks. If its something really mundane, like 'we can sit over there if you want?', dont worry about it. If its more relevant, like 'we could go to that place, i dont know. do you want to?' id suggest turning it back with something like... pretend its a chinese place and youre ordering lunch to go. "Well, do you like chinese?"

Then its her decision again and she cant bounce it back.

aaron_the_just · 2013-11-21T15:16:54+00:00

"if you want" is usually what a girl says when she's trying not to shit test you and be submissive.

it's a polite way for her to tell you "stop asking me permission first, and just do stuff."

Title	Is "if you want" a shit test. And if yes what is she trying to test? What is the appropriate response?
Author	ehhx
Upvotes	5
Comments	21
Date	November 19, 2013 6:47 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/1qymdu/is_if_you_want_a_shit_test_and_if_yes_what_is_she/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/is-if-you-want-a-shit-test-and-if-yes-what-is-she.138482 https://theredarchive.com/post/138482

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