I've experienced this momentary glory a couple of times at a few parties, before I got into seddit and all of this PUA shit.

And let me tell you: it felt good. Really good. James Bond is my butler bitch-good. I conjured laser-focus attention when I spoke. Girls fought over which one gets to ask me something first. Fucking awesome things like that.

I can look back at how I behave—for god knows whatever reason—and why it worked in the context of 'seduction'. And I can understand why some of the things I did got certain positive responses. I sort of get the tactics.

Also amusing: in retrospect, it just hit me that these instances, albeit few and far-between, took place in parties and places that now I would find to be the most daunting ones. Hm.

But anyway. I generally suck at women. And fuck me, I wish that was literal.

I keep trying to fool myself into believing that I don't because of these brushes with success but my current reality can't really back it up.

But what is it that got into me that made those unicorn nights special? Do you think it's possible to rediscover that hidden drive that once made you successful? That energy? That state? To find and reignite that feeling of not-giving-a-fuckness?

Remember, I know why not giving a fuck works (because it makes sense). What I wonder is if there's an actual way to revive that belief without forcing it, but really believing it without feeling that you're tricking yourself into it? Is it through rationalization? Am I doing seduction wrong?

I love you all.