How many of you are raising daughters? Has or how has TRP changed your approach to how you are raising your daughters, and how do you reconcile TRP, and raising daughters to lead fulfilling and happy lives doing whatever they like?

cray-cray-cray · 2014-02-19T02:46:19+00:00

I have a 7 year old little girl (nearly 8), so I'm interested too.

I can contribute this...

Background: I've been apart from her mother since she was about a year old. We went through a long custody battle, including a trial, that made several lawyers rich, and me poor.

The way she relates to her mother, the topics, the specifics, the behaviors, are 100% different than with me. For instance, she uses her mother as an emotional tampon. "What if Jenny doesn't like me?" She knows my answer for shit like that. It's "Don't hang around with people who don't like you." She'll also go with things like "What if grandma dies?" My answer... "Grandma's gonna die. I'm gonna die. You're gonna die. None of us know when, so make your time count." Her mother indulges all of that talk. Apparently, they spend hours on such things. I try to be matter-of-fact with her, give her short concise advice, and she soaks up what I say, like a sponge. I have no problem explaining complex things to her and I'm happy to do so when needed. But with her mother, it's a constant stream of emoting at each other.

She also has a long history of throwing tantrums with her mother. It's like she's constantly shit testing her. No such thing with me. Of course, her mother has always blamed the tantrums on me somehow, even though they don't even happen with me. In the past, if she ever even cried or started pouting about anything stupid, I'd tell her to go do it in her room and come back when she's done.

I didn't do any of those things with RP in mind. But looking at it through an RP lens, it's much easier for me to understand why there are differences. I used to be somewhat mystified by it. Now I have a better understanding of it all.

As far as the future goes, I have no idea. Right now, I do a lot of wrestling with her. I teach her how to break out of wrist grips and such. I try not to poison her view of the world with mine. (regarding the nature of humans, governments, etc.) But I do tell her things like "no one is allowed to touch you if you don't want to be touched."

At her current age, I tell her the solution to any problem is "call daddy." That might bite me in the ass later, but I think she understands the seriousness of that since she doesn't call me for trivial shit. (like the sort of shit she mindfucks her mother with.) I suppose if she ever starts that, I'll quickly explain acceptable reasons for requesting my help. "Jenny might not like me" won't be on the list. Neither will "X called me a name," etc. I may quickly explain how to deal with that and why, but it won't be a repeat issue.

if my beliefs would affect the manner in which I interact with them/raise them.

Naturally, they probably will. For me, that translates to being a rock for the moment. Obviously, she's not a plate, or someone to be gamed. It's more like MMSL, without the S. Clearly, I'm learning as I go, but I'm finding RP concepts to be an asset instead of a hindrance. I doubt understanding things will be a negative. That doesn't mean I need to tell her everything I know.

SpinalArt · 2014-02-19T06:37:57+00:00

I have a 5 year old daughter and have been separated from her mother since she was 2. Always have wanted kids and a big family but that won't happen anytime soon or maybe not at all. TRP hasn't really changed my approach to parenthood at all except that I should pursuit my purpose in life regardless of relationships(with balance of course) That has been one of the biggest lessons and one that I am trying to implement.

As far as raising my daughter, it's all about being present, in the moment and giving her my attention when it's time. If that means sitting down to do puzzles, hw, coloring books or playing tag then thats what I do with no distractions. Our tech savvy generation gets a lot of flack for being hooked on our phones when we should be watching our kids(guilty) but I remember my parents hooked on reading material or tv and not engaged in things I was interested in therefore I have made an extra effort to fully be in the moment when I spend time with my daughter.

There is no secret for raising kids to have a fulfilling and successful life except proper discipline, a lot emotional support and being active in life. I would raise a son the same way(gender appropriately of course) if I had one. You have to balance your "alpha/beta" tendencies when dealing with kids too. As much as we praise alphas like Theodore Roosevelt, you gotta question how tough is too tough when his son grew to have a severe case of oneitis and eventually killed himself. Anyways thats all I got for now.

cantcme13 · 2014-02-19T08:44:24+00:00

Wow thanks guys. I'm a single father of a 5 year old daughter. Since finding TRP it hasn't really changed the way I raise my child (my goal for her is to be strong, independent and be answerable only to herself and her own conscience) but it has opened my eyes to the current climate of society. Thus I will tailor how I go about teaching her life skills to better equip her to make good decisions for her own benefit. When the time is right one of the key tenets I picked up here I will teach her is to differentiate when making emotion based decisions as opposed to logical /rationally based ones.

Great comments.

RedMindBlueEyes · 2014-02-19T10:08:31+00:00

I have two boys (aged 4 and 9) and one girl (aged 13). I treat them exactly the same. I have two rules for them:

Violence is not an option (whatever is bugging you, deal with it, resorting to any kind of psysical escalation is not dealing with it)

Be decent (I tell them I don´t care what they grow up to be, how they live their lives, as long as they are decent people, they are ok in my book)

And then, there is everything else.

Kid crying? "Are you bleeding? Here´s a band aid." "Did you foot fall off? No? Then you´ll be ok." "Did you fall? Well, get up, then."

Kid asking for help. "Did you try to fix it yourself? No? I won´t help people who won´t try themselves." "So you did try? Try again." "You tried again, and you still need help? Alright, let´s see if we can fix this. And pay attention. I expect you to do this yourself next time."

Kid complaining about what will happen if (s)he gets sick. "Are you sick now? No? Then stop complaining. You´re wasting your time and my time, and you´re nagging. Nobody likes nagging."

Kid complaining when actually sick. "I get it. you´re sick. Complaining won´t help."

I advise them daily, and they love hearing tales from when I grew up. I hug them and tell them they are great kids. And I am strict. I also never promise them anything. I tell them I´m not going to promise them to go to the movies, instead I´ll let them know the day we are actually going.

Their mother is the opposite, and she´s been struggling since forever. I told her some years ago: "A family is like a wolf pack. It is up to me and you to be the packmasters. You´re not doing your job, so the pack is getting nervous. They end up attacking you, and I have to protect you from them."

After I split up with their mother, I have my wolf pack. We are a team, and I lead by example. Whenever my daughter is correcting the others, she is using my words, my tone of voice. When we are together, everyone is relaxed.

When they are with their mother, they walk all over her. She is their servant, and they are never satisfied.

As for the future, I´m not sure yet. I´ve been teaching them NEVER to seek validation from others. The next step, I guess, is to keep pushing them to expand their borders, push their own limits, face their fears. As for girl-/boyfriends, I have only one rule, and that one is for me:

There is no such thing as "is that person good enough for my little baby", the question is if my kid is good enough (which is a given, my kids ain´t given a choice). So when they decide to bring someone home, I make sure to accept and support their choices. I hope. We´ll see when it happens.

Finally, an anecdote from a couple of days ago. My daughter sent me a text asking if she could hang out with a girl and a boy her age, and added "and like i told mom, don´t judge. One can have friends who are not girls."

I texted her back: "Why judge? I have a lot of friends who are not girls."

vandaalen · 2014-02-19T13:12:20+00:00

Asked RedPillWomen on the same subject:

Many good answers there.

I didn't change my behaviour, because it turns out I am doing just fine.

When she turns older and seems ready I will tell her everything I know.

http://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1vj3bv/advice_a_father_of_a_six_year_old_girl/.compact

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