I text way too much, too much small talk. how do i fix this problem?

OppenheimersGuilt · 2015-08-02T07:25:37+00:00

The socially anxious guy's guide to conversing

This is what works for me. I approach conversations with the following question in mind:

Who is she?

Everyone has (at least) a handful of topics they obsess over. The topics they think about all the time. For some it's travelling. For some science. For some politics. Find those and you've taken your first step towards answering this question.

Pace yourself

If your rhythm is Question->Answer->Question->Answer, it's gonna get boring quick.

After an answer, talk about the answer. Maybe say it back to her in other words. This is called active listening. It usually has the effect of her talking more, letting you peer deeper into that impenetrable fog that is she. Also, if you can think of a joke you can make with respect to an answer she gives, it's a good idea!

Things to keep in mind

Keep a balance between: comedy, flirting and deep conversation.
Best combination for me is: mostly deep conversation sprinkled with some flirting and jokes here and there.
Keep your smileys in check! Don't overdo them. Some guys can use them in conversation well, but for my style of game it only hinders you.
Try to get her to invest in you. Is she doing something cool? Ask her for a pic! Those little actions go a long way.
If you don't have an attractive face, work on getting an attractive body. Sorry to assume but you never know. Just think of it this way, two chicks text you. Chick A is less attractive (to you) than B. Which one would you most likely want to talk to more?
Don't you dare blow up her phone. In all my conversations with women, whenever the topic has come up, nothing is more disgusting to them than a clingy/desperate guy. It's a sign of weakness to many women. If she hasn't replied to you, don't send her texts asking why. Just no. It seems so insecure. Second, pace your timing. If she's been taking a long time to reply and you're replying immediately, then stop. I'd even say as a rule of thumb keep your texts spread out, and then feel free to text without worrying too much when the conversation gets tense.
Don't take bad conversation. If you're getting shitty/dry answers, take it as a sign. Common sense shouldn't be left out though. For example, if she's working then don't worry about it. You need to leave the mentality of she's doing me a favor. It's two people discovering each other, the favor is mutual.

Best tip I can give you

Start with dreams. Her dreams are directly tied to her passions and what she loves, and with what's going on in her life right now. Just don't be a creep about it, like out of nowhere sending a text: "hey what are your dreams".

Sneak it into conversation.

CrushHazard · 2015-08-02T06:23:27+00:00

No, texting shouldn't only be for logistics unless you are hopelessly bad at it. The written word has been an effective seduction tool for centuries. Nothing has changed about that. Women read more than men, so sometimes it's hard for guys to understand just how effective good (note the emphasis) texting can be.

Try being more daring. Take risks.

Or just post some text convos, and maybe we can help you out.

FerociousOreos · 2015-08-02T04:14:32+00:00

In my opinion small talk isn't necessarily a bad thing. Just be patient about it. Don't be a quick responder all the time. That doesn't mean ignore her, just play it cool and if you get busy, don't go rushing off every chance you get to text back. Also, small talk can be very effective if used properly. Don't talk to her about the damn weather, unless it's leading up to you asking her out for a picnic on a nice day. Don't ask how her parents are, or what she did that day. That kind of small talk makes you seem boring in her eyes. Ask invigorating and exciting questions. Yes or no questions should be avoided unless they are leading up to something more. In a way, you are selling yourself to her. Every person alive builds walls, and you have to sell yourself as the great guy you are. Make her want to talk to you by using small talk effectively. Hopefully this helps. Best of luck.

DEVi4TION · 2015-08-02T04:10:34+00:00

Self. Control.

IANAPUA_Yet · 2015-08-02T04:58:54+00:00

It mostly comes down to understanding that it's ok to let her have the last word.

If her last comment doesn't contain a question, do you have to respond? No, probably not. If you want to continue the conversation, there's probably something in her last response you can engage, but you don't have to.

Title	I text way too much, too much small talk. how do i fix this problem?
Author	imthatguy4
Upvotes	7
Comments	9
Date	August 2, 2015 3:53 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/3fh6q7/i_text_way_too_much_too_much_small_talk_how_do_i/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-text-way-too-much-too-much-small-talk-how-do-i.1391924 https://theredarchive.com/post/1391924

Comments

The socially anxious guy's guide to conversing

Pace yourself

Things to keep in mind

Best tip I can give you