What to do if girl is making out with you in your bed but stops you when you try to go further?

WayOfTheGentleman · 2015-11-05T06:14:36+00:00

The standard PUA response here is 'freezeout'. Punish her for her 'LMR' by ignoring her and go check your email or whatever.

While this can work - it hits her insecurities and often makes her want to revalidate herself by sleeping with you, it doesn't hit the bigger picture...

...the reason that she's refusing in the first place.

If she's in your bed making out, she likes you and she's attracted to you. If she's attracted to you enough to make out in your bed, she's attracted enough to have sex.

The reason she doesn't want sex is down to safety - emotional safety.

Remember, women have much more at stake than men do when they have sex. Not only do they risk pregnancy, they risk judgement from their friends, extended social circle, you and also themselves.

Girls want sex, but they hate feeling used, and they hate being judged for it.

What you need to do it set up 'sex without repercussions'. A lot of guys try to show her that they are this standup guy that will stick around. This actually make her less likely to have sex early on, because if you have sex with her then disappear immediately, she feels used. So she needs to wait longer to work out if you really are this relationship guy and not just saying that to get laid (since girls believe that men will say absolutely anything in order to get pussy, and they are pretty much accurate too).

I always have the 'fun adventurer' frame (I talk about this a lot on here) where I'm seeing multiple girls, I'm completely non-judgmental around sex (she can tell me anything and I don't freak out like other guys would) and the frame is one of 'I respect you, I will never lie to you, but I have no idea how long we are going to be together. I can't say if this will be one night or many nights, but I can promise you that I won't ever lie to you.'

This offer may not be for every girl, but they all respect that I'm so upfront about it. And you'd be amazed how many women say 'yeah alright then'.

recyclablebantha · 2015-11-05T11:06:12+00:00

Going to go against the grain here. Freeze-outs are limited in their effectiveness. There is so much wrong with them.

They are really like throwing a fit. They're negative. Pulling back because you didn't get what you want, when you wanted it, is selfish and counter-productive. I've talked to girls who were frozen out. They KNOW what is going down.
So you're going to turn off girls who are actually worth getting at. And conversely, if the girl is in a weak position and has low self-esteem, then she'll cave and compromise her own values. In short, she'll disrespect herself, in response to your negative behavior. Which is just the wrong vibe all around. It's tough to feel good about what you're doing if THIS is the way you get it. Coercion isn't good.

And what's more, freeze-outs are completely unnecessary. I can't think of a time that a girl stopped things..... that we didn't end up going the whole way. And it didn't require me immaturely ignoring her.

But stop doesn't mean she doesn't want sex now. It usually means that she just wants to slow down, or she wants you to not go over a certain line at this moment. Why? Because girls often feel overpowered by guys, in sexual exchanges. So they like to feel comfortable about it sometimes. All you need to do is show you understand where that line is. That doesn't mean go check your email like a child. It doesn't mean act like a dick.

You have an opportunity here! You don't need to demonstrate that you're some nice guy who's going to "stick around." Just show some respect and build rapport by observing her boundaries, while still playing with her within those boundaries. And be honest in showing that you're turned on and holding back in respect of her boundaries but oh man are you turned on because she's hot. It's important that you're able to enjoy the interaction. This will drive the tension up. Which in turn, makes the sex better. And makes it more likely that she'll end up jumping you.

Or..... you can go negative and have a tainted experience....

Tamazin_ · 2015-11-05T09:42:20+00:00

Do the same thing, make out and stop when she thinks it's getting good. After a few times she wont be able to handle herself and you're good to go.

ThrowawayPUA · 2015-11-05T03:20:32+00:00

Freeze out.

kalisiii · 2015-11-05T03:43:17+00:00

Don't go further. Or convince her that you're trustworthy and you're 'the one'. She probably only needs some guaranty that she won't be used or that she's not one more in the row..

kalisiii · 2015-11-05T03:55:07+00:00

Don't say it act like you did it a thousand times but with like one or two girls lol

Title	What to do if girl is making out with you in your bed but stops you when you try to go further?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	3
Comments	17
Date	November 5, 2015 3:13 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/3rkyns/what_to_do_if_girl_is_making_out_with_you_in_your/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/what-to-do-if-girl-is-making-out-with-you-in-your.1397091 https://theredarchive.com/post/1397091

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