Getting over being a "second"

the_eran_trio · 2016-01-02T22:15:24+00:00

I'm the same way and I think that's a trait to cherish. There aren't enough people who put others interests before their own, and you should keep on being a good human. That said eventually there will be a girl who you won't want to let go of for a friend, who you'll want to make the first move on, who you'll call dibs on. When it happens, think of all the times you've helped be a wing man for others and say, this ones for me. I'm gonna do something nice for myself, because I deserve to be happy just as much as anyone does.

trpdgc · 2016-01-03T01:27:54+00:00

The reason you're doing this is because you're afraid to fail. There is little risk behind the scenes. You can enjoy the victory somewhat, but you are shielded from failure. Notice how you take credit for many a success but no mention of how you may have failed in helping or done something to fuck things up. I do this sometimes when I spectate my friends playing a strategy game and I coach them. When they win, I feel a similar high to winning myself, and when they lose it's very easy for me to rationalize that the final decision maker during each move wasn't me.

I recommend that you: - internalize this dynamic as the awareness will help pull you out of it - tell your friends about this dynamic if this is a reasonable option. - open yourself to failure. Gay as it sounds, what doesn't kill you make you stronger.

DaygameCoach · 2016-01-03T03:54:02+00:00

That's easy. Go out alone and approach like crazy.

Just whatever you do, don't reply to this massage with excuses or self limiting beliefs...it will just perpetuate your problem. Get out and do it.

zipplesdownthestairs · 2016-01-02T23:21:21+00:00

Look up the word codependency. Yes being selfless is good but to an extent it can be unhealthy. Do you put others issues above your own? Do you sacrifice your own wants and needs for others? Do you feel kind of frustrated at times that you play second to their wants and needs?

It's important as a healthy individual to focus on you and put your own wants and needs first and be fulfilling your desires not just helping others with theirs.

pacg · 2016-01-02T22:21:30+00:00

Ha! You sound like kinda like me...except I'm laying next to my cute snoring girlfriend.

I reckon you just need to accustom yourself to getting what you want. Next time you go out, be mindful of this. Write "It's okay to take what you want" on a piece of paper, fold it up, and place it in your back pocket. Then play with the idea. Let it bounce around. Imagine how things would play out if you did take what you want. When you're comfortable enough with the idea, when you can visualize the scenarios, then go for it.

Title	Getting over being a "second"
Author	IntriguedPigeon
Upvotes	16
Comments	6
Date	January 2, 2016 8:08 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/3z6i3x/getting_over_being_a_second/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/getting-over-being-a-second.1400032 https://theredarchive.com/post/1400032

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