It's getting really bad. I'm worried about being led on. I' worried about being pumped and dumped. I'm worried about being the perpetual shoulder to cry on, and eventually shamed for being an 'entitled nice guy.' I expect women to decide how I think and feel (femsplain lol) and criticise me for it.

I am used to trying to stand up for myself even with my sister, and her just getting angry, defensive and hostile rather than apologising. [Example]

Most recently I have started texting a friend in our group, I've been extremely slow about it though. I took 2 days last time because of job hunting, gym etc., and when she asked what I had been up to, I mentioned trying to get in shape for summer. Well, she started ignoring me after that-but I know she's not too busy, because she's talking to my friends on FB.

More seriously, I've sabotaged my last relationship by the expectation that she was stringing me along or planning to cheat with her friend, who I felt threatened by. (Inb4 mate guarding) Eventually she called me abusive and said she 'can't deal with your constant false accusations' and that I had damaged her. I loved this girl dearly even though circumstances (cultural/religious differences) meant we could never be together, and for a long time she did me. She had depression and I feel immense shame for having in any way hurt her. She was good to me for a long time and I'd known her for years as a friend/crush.

The guilt has crippled me so now I feel compelled to remind myself I'm not a misogynist and actually a good man, which means helping out random people. But sometimes I feel like they are taking advantage of me (note: I know that not all my friends are using me, as they have expressed their concern for my martyr complex; I am just saying how I perhaps irrationally feel.)

In short I am paranoid about being a woman's cuckold and emotional punching bag, then gaslighted about it.

I saw my dad get pushed around by my mom and sister before Mom nearly cheated on him and ultimately decided to divorce him. My dad has a very…beta relationship with his SO, who is not all that attractive physically, but they are madly in love and have been steady for 5 years+ now, so I can't complain. Even though my mom and dad have both happily re-coupld and moved on, I still have their broken relationship as a major distorted template for what relationships are like.

I am a totally sexually repressed and relatively sheltered born-Christian-now-agnostic, so hookup culture and sex is just straight up scary lol.

Really idk how to go about changing this prejudice. It's a sensitive topic for therapy (even GAD) because I might as well go in and say "I'm scared of women lol is that normal?"