Help me figure this out!

Hello seddit!

I'm here to ask your help about something that has been obsessing me for a lot of time: I can't figure out why I am a fucking coward.

I don't know why, but I keep not finding the courage to approach women or to flirt with those I already know. I am generally a fucking coward when it comes to anything related to picking up women/relationships/etc.. And it's been like that since forever.

The point is that I deem myself lovable, I don't think I'm ugly or something. I have nothing to envy to other men (maybe the physique, but I don't have 3 hours a day to go to the gym). Maybe the other way around! I am not fat anymore (177cm/75.5kg), I have a reasonably pretty face, I have a good haircut (I specify this because I used to look like someone who got straight outta of a 70s rock band), I have a goal in life that I'm working on (becoming a physicist) and many things I love doing that make me cherish my existence. Maybe I don't look really athletic, but I guess not being fat is enough.

I have reasons to believe that women could like me!

But still, I couldn't approach women outta nowhere if my life had depended on it. Even worse, I can't figure it out; and this is slowly becoming a true obsession, it's making me go insane:

Why I am coward?

I tried to rationalize my fear(this approach helped me countless times), to analyze what is making me scared of approaching. The only thing that I think that it's rationally holding me back is that I tell myself "Ok, I say hello. And then?", "How do put up myself as a potential partner/boyfriend/whatever?", "If she agreed to, where should I bring her to a date? I have no idea!", "what do I say" and a lot of many other things that I simply don't know because I have never got a date (for context, I'm 20) or a girlfriend or whatever. Yeah, this time I couldn't help myself a lot.

What's even more confusing about this phobia is that I don't fear rejection at all AND I can and do speak with women normally in everyday's life. No spaghetti out of pockets, nothing. I speak to girls as I speak to my friends.

Can you help me figure out my obsession and help a young man?

[–]TeenJesus42 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link

...you need to chill bro. When approaching a girl, you shouldn't think about making them your girlfriend or even taking them out on a date. You said you have no trouble talking to women (at least ones that you know), this is because you don't expect anything from them and it doesn't matter if you mess up.

Now what would happen if you just walked up to talk and DIDN'T plan on making her your girlfriend or any of that shit, you just walked up to get to know her, because you are literally blessing her with your time, and you are filtering to see if she is actually worth your time. You don't care if she doesn't like you, because you have no problem finding someone else, it doesn't matter if you mess up. You could be talking to any other girl, but you chose her, damn she is lucky.

The gist of what I am saying is you expect too much, and in turn put an unnecessary amount of pressure on yourself. Confidence and the bliss of ignorance will get you through talking. I recommend you visit r/howtonotgiveafuck .

[–]Sinenominibus 10 years ago [recovered] (6 children) | Copy Link

[–]RolledUpGreene 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–]Sinenominibus 10 years ago [recovered] (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]RolledUpGreene 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]Sinenominibus 10 years ago [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link

Thanks for your kind words man :D

We've all been there, you just gotta keep getting out there and doing it

If I only attended places crowded with chicks! You may say "you said you study at the university. There are endless chicks there!"

True. But not in the physics department. There aren't many women and the few that are there are already taken (that's some kind of interesting trend); and I have little time to go out to "hunt" randomly (exams are coming really soon). Not that I'd have many cool places where to "hunt", even given the time.

find someone you know who's good with girls and get them to kind of "mentor" you

That's the hardest part, most of my friends can't really help with that. They either got really lucky (one of them got approached by his now ex gf) or simply told me "just speak". Which is the opposite of helpful.

Any idea on where\how I can find a mentor?

[–]RolledUpGreene 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]Sinenominibus2 points 10 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

Title	Help me figure this out!
Author	Sinenominibus
Upvotes	2
Comments	8
Date	June 1, 2016 11:12 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/4m45kl/help_me_figure_this_out/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/help-me-figure-this-out.1407597 https://theredarchive.com/post/1407597

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