Do you consistenly find acquaintances you bump into that turn the head away instead of saying "hi"?

Saint-Judas · 2016-09-13T14:40:36+00:00

Pardon my dickishness here, but I'm going to be honest. There's good chance it's not the rest of the world that has the problem- It's possibly you.

I don't have this problem of people turning away. I did and sometimes still do, but what I was saying was uninteresting. I was depressed and self centered (they often go hand in hand). Are you talking, or listening? People mostly care about themselves. Say hi, ask how things are or otherwise be genuinely interested in them. Don't ask more than one or two questions per conversation, many people feel interrogated, even if you're just being friendly. Let them tell you what's on their mind, people are their own best interrogators. When someone tells a story that reminds you of a story, don't one-up them, let them finish their story, appreciate it, and say how an element in their story reminds you of your story. Share stories, don't compete for air. The filpside of this is mastering the exit. Watch the cues so you know when it's time to go, and even if it seemed like it was their idea to say bye, act like it's yours and you have other (not more, just other) interesting places to be and people to talk to.

It could also be your nonverbal cues, the process of approach etc you describe could be awkward. Don't wait for them to say hi, say it yourself. If you can't because they're already in a conversion, they you're interrupting, try again later. Be confident when you approach and lampshade it if you screw up.

Do things that are interesting to talk about. While "I saw an interesting thing online" stories are fine and good starters for debate with someone you're already friends with, they shouldn't be your best stories or your go-to topic of conversation. By the time I was 18, I'd worked as a honest to goodness cowboy (yes it's still a job in many parts of the U.S.), built a robot arm, lived in three states, was a decent programmer, worked for a Shakespeare company (not acting), gone door to door for local political issues, and traveled cross country and back by road.

I didn't grow up rich, I just looked for the people doing things I thought were cool and asked how to be a part of it. By the time I was in college, I still wasn't the most social person ever, but I had good friends, because once the shell of social anxiety was broken through, people liked me for who I was. I've had a few times even where I've been intentionally antisocial just because I felt I'd become "popular" with some uninteresting hangers-on, and I just dropped them.

Lastly, if you know anyone who would know and tell you, ask what the campus rumor mill says about you- hopefully nothing. If there is some serious crap going around, deal with it head on and stop trying with the people who care about the rumors.

TL;DR Maybe you're boring or trying too hard. Listen more than you speak, do interesting things.

ROCKSTARMANIC · 2016-09-13T18:53:04+00:00

My college was notorious for this.

A_Crazy_Hooligan · 2016-09-13T13:39:23+00:00

I just assume it's their lack of social skills.

TheXXL · 2016-09-13T14:16:28+00:00

Anyone else experiencing this?

Not exactly, but similar. My colleagues are friends by now, and the only people who pretend I'm not there are people of other companies in our building. In case they look friendly and interesting, I simply say "good morning" or "hello" even of they don't look. They are simply uncomfortable to say anything, so don't sweat it, they are most of the time not mean or anything. They just need a little nudge in the right direction.

darthjedibinks · 2016-09-13T15:43:47+00:00

Almost 95% of people I see everyday break eye contact faster than a camera flash. I couldn't even smile back, to say hi is making myself look like a dork

ROCKSTARMANIC · 2016-09-13T19:55:22+00:00

This happens to me too.. Sometimes when I'm being anti-social and that I don't want to talk, I still say hi out of courtesy and respect even acknowledgement. Im not fitting to them, but the relationship we have for whatever it is, even if haven't seem them in a good while. I remember their faces, but not their names, and i tell them, I apologize and just be honest with them. Yeah, people this day rather be walking down the halls looking like zombies with their eyeballs on their phones than actual eye contact. Shit gets me pissed, I really miss that kind of interaction. THAT I ACTUALLY TRY TO BE ACTIVE IN WHILE THEY DO NOT.

Title	Do you consistenly find acquaintances you bump into that turn the head away instead of saying "hi"?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	8
Comments	29
Date	September 13, 2016 1:04 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/52kc8c/do_you_consistenly_find_acquaintances_you_bump/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/do-you-consistenly-find-acquaintances-you-bump.1412386 https://theredarchive.com/post/1412386

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