I struggle on dates while sober, and drink to ease up beforehand, on sober dates women have noted I've seemed nervous. What to do?

whitewater09 · 2017-01-21T17:07:49+00:00

If I were you I'd stop drinking for a while. Just period. Force yourself to grow accustomed to not using it as a crutch.

ManowaR1488 · 2017-01-21T18:11:40+00:00

More dates, more dates, more dates. It gets a little more comfortable and familiar every time.

WiiWynn · 2017-01-21T17:15:58+00:00

Betablockers if you REALLY need help. Then start to ween off of them as you grow more accustomed and confident to the situations. It may just be performance anxiety you have. The beta blockers will calm you enough to perform well, which helps you grow more confident with each interaction.

I've not used it for game, but I used this technique for public speaking. I'm now very comfortable in front of a crowd.

2017-01-21T18:36:14+00:00

Try valerian its a supplement that calms you down.

lonewolf-chicago · 2017-01-21T19:45:28+00:00

If being just as effective while sober is your goal then every time you go out on a date or something similar have a tiny goal like "my goal this evening is just to stay as calm as humanly possible and whatever happens, happens. This might sound basic, but what you're really doing is training your brain to be relaxed... and out of that relaxation will come all the things that you gained from drinking alcohol.

Alcohol helps to create a feeling of being unattached to the results ... a calm and comfortable mindset. Alcohol is a downer....relaxation.

You seem like a goal-oriented person, so your goal should just be, to be as relaxed as possible. Out of that relaxation, humor emerges, being unattached communicates with the girl that you're not needy and many other things..

As you progress from date to date you can sort of meditate on or pray on being different ways. For example you might want to be super excited on this date or the next date you might want to be super funny and the next day you might want to just be romantic.

I used to work for an educational company that specialized in educational seminars in relationship building. Before some of the staff would begin all the preparations for the seminar we would choose one or two ways of being that we were committed to being throughout the entire seminar. Some people would say I'm committed to being friendly and helpful and then other people would choose to be loving and caring and then other people would choose to be intentional and respectful.

This would be sort of like a temporary mini mission statement and then throughout the entire seminar your goal was to be that. The coolest thing about it was after you did this many times you realize that you could be any way that you want to be ... you just had to commit to it.

The other cool thing about it was you realize that you could be an effective person no matter how you were being. Effectiveness happened regardless.

I had a friend that almost completely changed his attitude and way of being when out in public and one day I asked him what it was. He said before he begins any day or any major interaction he prays that God will give him the strength to be fill in the blank whatever he is thinking he needs to be in order to get through that moment door that day.

Now I am not a religious guy but it is the same type of brain training you're telling your brain to give space to... being forgiving or relaxed or funny or whatever way that you choose to be. That is why praying Works in that way it's not some Universal God bestow upon you a particular trait. you are in effect training your brain to allow you to be a particular way it worked for him.

skeeterva1entine · 2017-01-22T16:33:47+00:00

You should stop drinking and go on more sober dates. You'll get over the nervousness as time goes by. You NEVER being nervous on a date probably won't happen and that's a good thing! A bit of nervousness means you want to make a good impression and you're afraid of making mistakes. You can be confident and a tiny bit nervous at the same time. You want to get to the point where you're not so nervous that every date is picking up on your nervousness.

Title	I struggle on dates while sober, and drink to ease up beforehand, on sober dates women have noted I've seemed nervous. What to do?
Author	mrazman
Upvotes	5
Comments	8
Date	January 21, 2017 4:22 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/5pbctb/i_struggle_on_dates_while_sober_and_drink_to_ease/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-struggle-on-dates-while-sober-and-drink-to-ease.1418955 https://theredarchive.com/post/1418955

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