I don't understand what went wrong!

SteveDaygame · 2017-02-24T02:14:37+00:00

Yes, your issue is you're overanalyzing ONE interaction with ONE girl haha. It happens to the best of us man, but I'm serious.. I tell all my clients if something happens ONCE it can be an anomaly.. maybe what she said is true, maybe she has been sexualy abused as a child and has issues around sex and kissing. I think you should strongly consider the possibility that you did everything right and this is all on her end. So I say you sound like you know what you're doing pretty well with girls, get out there and meet some more, if this one comes around.. awesome nice bonus, but don't rely on her or expect anything.. this way you set yourself up for happiness either way. Best of luck!

Goateeki · 2017-02-24T02:56:35+00:00

Is it possible you reeked of alcohol? Also I'm not sure why you went outside and waited in line with her. You were there, I was not, but maybe that's a bit enthusiastic?

I've always done best by playing it cool. Think of what your instincts would tell you to do, and then never do more than 65% or 70% of that, tops. Being pleasant is important, escalating is crucial, but at some point she has to come to you. Give her that opportunity.

One reasonable way of looking at it is this: it didn't have to be that night. Often simply signaling to a woman that you're receptive to the idea of sleeping with her is enough to let her come to you at her own speed.

From her point of view, she's clearly interested in you and is thinking about sleeping with you but isn't sure yet. That's what her behavior said. I wouldn't put much effort into it. Find an economical way to let her know you'd sleep with her, too. Let her come to you. If you don't slam the door in her face and also don't allow her to make you a friend, she'll come to you.

I sometimes look at this idea of the male doing all he work to close, and i don't agree with it. It all comes down to details but as often as possible I insist that the woman have some skin in the game and some sense of responsibility in getting into bed with me. That can involve me drawing back, being unavailable, whatever. But when she does walk that last five feet to me, instead of me walking that last five feet to her, I know I've got her and that sets the tone for the relationship.

UoAPUA · 2017-02-24T02:56:02+00:00

Surely if she wasn't attracted to me she wouldn't have even come back to the bar, let alone walked back to her place with me..

That's spot on, and don't call me Shirley. This is just one girl man. Not every girl fits into the rules. Everyone's different. If anything, the girls who don't play by the rules get me the most excited. If you like her, try again. This is a great chance to hone your game. But clearly she wants something more than a hookup, so I'd only pursue if you're really interested. She wants to know if you're the real deal or not. Ask her on a date. It'll mean more to her than a drunk kiss, you know?

IntensePancakes · 2017-02-24T03:24:39+00:00

You didn't do anything wrong honestly, some nights things just don't work out. I suppose you could have really persisted and possibly scored, but she clearly would have been upset with herself for it.

If you like this girl, definitely ask her out again, since there's a good chance this was a one-off. If it happens again, then it's probably a problem worth further analyzing.

Woujo · 2017-02-24T04:11:37+00:00

Here's the thing:

It's unfortunate what "other guys" did to her. But you are not them and their sins are not your sins. Think to yourself: did you do anything objectively wrong? No, probably not. So her accusations against you don't matter.

The thing about game is that there isn't always a right answer and there are no binary rules you can always apply. Sometimes people have issues. She would have probably done that with any guy. Fucked up shit happened to her. That sucks for her, but it's not your fault.

SunTzuArtofWar · 2017-02-24T19:09:20+00:00

Why would you tease/push a girl right after you kissed her? She has complied to your frame and you punished her for it. That's being the wrong kind of asshole (punishing good behavior).

My friend used to do this, constantly punishing her for good behaviour and rewarding bad ones

I'm not trying to sound like a condescending asshole here, but you fucked up.

And yes, this girl was ready to fuck you that night until you screwed it up

Also you don't tell a girl her blowjob sucked after you cum in her mouth either. Hint hint

1z1z2x2x3c3c4v4v · 2017-02-24T19:28:59+00:00

She told you what was wrong "she's sick of being used".

You can now either tell her something along the lines that "you would really like to just have a nice date with her at a nice coffee house so you two can get to know each other, no alcohol and no drunkin hookups allowed"...and see if she bites.

If that is what you want. If that's too complicated, then move on.

Help me reddit, am I doing something clearly wrong? Surely if she wasn't attracted to me she wouldn't have even come back to the bar, let alone walked back to her place with me.. I honestly don't know where I could have gone better!

Its not about you...maybe that's where your thinking is off. You have to make her comfortable.

abstractpickupartist · 2017-02-24T07:53:37+00:00

She seemed really flustered and started talking and how she 'used to hook up' but now she's sick of being used, etc.

I'm gonna go out on a limb and say "she 'used to hook up' but now she's sick of being used, etc. ".

I don't think there was anything wrong with your approach, it was just wrong for this girl, at this time. Probably because she has seen it run too many times before.

I think, for this girl where it went wrong was "a kiss to which she had zero response.". Zero response is almost a stronger signal than a negative response. It means she's really uncomfortable.

I think she wanted to feel like she was more than a hookup. More intense than usual LMR.

Having seen how it played out, I think the teasing was the wrong response to someone who is struggling with something (attraction vs getting used). She wanted to know you weren't a player, and you negged her. Oops.

I think she likes you, but got burned before.

A better approach (20/20 hindsight) might have been to acknowledge it. "Hey, I feel like we've been connecting all night, but you seem uncomfortable now. Let me know if you want to talk about it." Then continue walking, and hold her hand. Don't be afraid of silence.

For recovery now, I'd just suggest something not too date-like. Getting coffee, or something. Make her feel comfortable.

Also, continue with other girls. This one may not be open to anything. But I would bet she is.

JawounGeorge · 2017-02-24T02:16:56+00:00

This is what I would say " You know i feel insulted by how you treated me, just because a guy shows you a good time and walks you back to insure your safety doesn't mean he wants to just hook up with you, don't flatter yourself ... I had an exam in the morning anyway." These would be my exact words, it shows her that your not a typical guy who just wants to fuck, even if you are you wont appear to be. It shows her your not a pussy and you'll speak your mind and lastly it shows you have other things to worry about than just sex. Thats just my 2 cents dude. Good Luck!!

Title	I don't understand what went wrong!
Author	Nanganator11
Upvotes	3
Comments	15
Date	February 23, 2017 11:25 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/5vtxkh/i_dont_understand_what_went_wrong/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-dont-understand-what-went-wrong.1420742 https://theredarchive.com/post/1420742

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