Now that I'm finally realizing online dating is a waste of time for black men, I'm ready to approach random women but think I'm somehow in the wrong....

Woujo · 2017-06-10T14:24:49+00:00

And lemme tell u - women in this city are extremely superficial and stuckup.

Stop right there.

No.

It's a typical loser tactic to call women superficial and stuck up. These guys look at women, don't approach them, and then call them "stuck up" just because of the way they look. It's sexist and stupid. It's also extremely stupid to generalize an entire city.

I don't even know what the word "stuck up" means (you don't either) but if you are trying to say that women are snobby or arrogant for not wanting to fuck you, that's just silly. No woman is snobby for not wanting to fuck you. Women like what they like, and they're allowed to not like you.

Previously, in the city where I went to uni, I would receive the odd tinder match or hit on okcupid, but here NOTHING. I mean almost absolutely NOTHING.

Ok, so like I predicted, you haven't actually talked to any of these women you've dismissed as snobby or stuck up. Ok.

You realize that Toronto is one of the most cosmopolitan, liberal cities on the planet, right? It's probably one of the best places in North America to be a black guy. But yet you've never approached because you want to do it from the safety of your computer, and because it's not going well, you are hating all the women of Toronto. think of how stupid that is.

.but being a guy with a small social circle with not many opportunities to hit the town

Why don't you have any opportunities to hit the town?

its starting to seem like talking to random hotties is my only option

Wait a second? Didn't you just say that all the women in Toronto were superficial? But now you are saying talking to hotties is your only option. You are just as superficial as them. In fact, you won't even consider talking to a girl you don't think is "hot" but yet you think that Toronto women that you've never spoken to are all superficial.

I'm not saying all this to beat you up, but to show you how your self-limiting beliefs and semi-sexist attitudes are limiting you.

Is that somehow contributing to rape culture?

Are you going to rape them?

Women here do not EVER make eye contact with me - maybe they do that for all guys or maybe Im just ugly - but without getting those kinda signals it really turns me off from approaching them.

Doesn't matter, you have to approach anyway. And if you're ugly, stop being ugly. Go to the gym, dress better, etc...

Is a 6 ft 4 black guy with a below average face approaching random women with sexual intent really allowed in a feminist city like this?

First, feminists want to get fucked too, and if some random dumbass think it's bad to approach women because she read some blog post you shouldn't let that affect you.

But I don't know what "sexual intent" is. If you approach in a creepy way, then yes, women will not like it. And also from your post it seems like you have some sexist attitudes, so if you approach women with that attitude you're gonna fail.

These are all questions that boggle my mind - nevermind deeper shit like thinking my appearance isn't good enough (growing up I was called skinny a lot and I think in my subconscious this just translated to 'you're fuckin ugly'). How do I get over all this bullshit, cuz I just wanna date and have fun with people.... :(

Just fucking approach and stop overthinking it.

You wrote all that bullshit and you haven't even approached one woman.

Cymry_Cymraeg · 2017-06-10T14:56:46+00:00

Eh, why would online dating be a waste of time for black men?

slap_dash · 2017-06-10T14:55:00+00:00

Uhh I don't know the area but walking up to random people you dont know is a bit creepy. I get you are frustrated but I feel unless you have an immense amouny of luck and "swag" this will only frustrate you More.

But its not "rapey" in my opinion. So don't think that.... Unless people say otherwise.

I know you already mentioned time but your best bet will be to participate in something that forces you to interact with people. Gym, class, bar, volunteer... Something.

Also, I know a lot of people delete their online dating apps when they give up. Dont do it. Even if it's not working right now it may at some point and you should keep the option open.

And dont be so hard on your appearance, without make up and many of the tricks women do, we would also look more average.

Anyway good luck.

2017-06-10T17:08:26+00:00

"Is this contributing to rape culture?"

Fuck rape culture, it ain't real. Talking to women in the street because your attracted to them isn't contributing to rape culture. What's more creepy than learning pickup, not learning pickup.

letsgetrandy · 2017-06-10T17:29:08+00:00

Ugh. Are you back again already? Don't you usually take a longer break before returning to troll all the dating subreddits?

enkae7317 · 2017-06-10T21:05:34+00:00

You are putting all your eggs into one basket, bro. Online dating should augment your game, not be the main focus. Go out and go to clubs/bars or even hit the streets during the day or night and try to talk to women. You'll find they aren't as stuck up as you imagine. Get better and you'll see that all these superficial aspects of your life are just things you're inventing as excuses that holds you back.

Tenth_10 · 2017-06-10T21:26:34+00:00

"Now that I'm finally realizing online dating is a waste of time for ~~black~~ men" There dude, fixed that for you. Black, white, whatever color you want : Onlide dating, no matter how appealing it may seems, IS a waste of time. :)

Good luck !

Aeon199 · 2017-06-11T02:37:39+00:00

Going to give my perspective on this first some back info:

I'm half Black and half Japanese, so our experiences and perspective may align in some ways but may not in others

I lived in a range of different communities. Working class, predominately Mexican, Asain neighborhood from ages 1-15 (Gardena, Ca, 15-21 upper middle class, work class- upper middle class 21 -24.

Also because I'm biracial and because how dress (hipster I guess and clean cut or "semi-formal- business" I'm actually not sure how to define it the second factor) I don't always "look black" or fit the mold for being perceived as black (this goes both ways for being Japanese as well) so I come off as looking racially ambigous to some or a lot I don't go around asking "how do I racially look" to people. I'm basising this off of people who have said this to me

That being said I Identify as black more so than Asian this is not because I've individually chosen to but that's how I feel I've been more treated as throughout my life, and in different periods of my I've tried to prove my blackness and Japaneseness ,when I was younger, to others, but I'm very much an Americanized individual (or white washed depending how you look at it).

I'm better in real life to talk to than I am online or through social media. Mostly because I am actually more engaging in real life than am through social media (I'm somewhat camera shy and I just am not interested in consistent updates in peoples lives who hardly).

That being said I classify myself socially as an extroverted introvert. I spend most days chilling with me or one other friend in preference but I'm a very talkative person that just likes to talk about nothing and just like to keep things light and have a good in a more extraverted oriented setting

ex. me - Nice rings where did get them

girl - Oh a friend got them for me for my birthday

me - I tried to get my friend a ring for her birthday, she didn't seem to appreciate it lol

Girl - Well what ring was it

Me - I guess looking back...

A Nuva ring probably wasn't the choice

Girl - (laughing, smiling or whatever)

Me - Probably didn't help that her family was there lol

Girl - Omg lol (or whatever)

Me - yeah, that being said me and Ivanka Trump don't talk too much these days

Honestly what was that conversation about this is literally how I talk to people lol, so dumb haha

it's good times none the less haha

That being said there are people that take this seriously and both girls and guys usually respond to this in the same way though positively for the most part

Now let me give you some criticism on my dating life :

I'm inherently a more socially engaging person, than sexually engaging person. I'm fairly good at talking to girls (two older sisters, a sociable mother, and a formal and awkward relationship with my father definitely steered it that way), but I am not good at transitioning a conversation or whatever bullshit I say into a casual sexual encounter (assuming the girl wants one). As my friend puts it I'm a better opener than closer.

I come off as unapprochable or unfriendly if I don't initiate a conversation. As my gay friend Dimitri told me "I need to smile more" (fuck that guy 😑), but nonetheless it is true I do come off as uninterested if I don't talk to girls first.

I'm a very hesitant to ask a girl out. I need to know so much before considering them an option (which I guess is the point of dating lol), this has to do with some paranoia on race differences even if they are Black or Asian. I am, if you can tell very self conscious lol. I feel no such ways about now like I did in the past, but I still have some apprehension on how people look at me. The way I can is explain is whether or not a girl is looking for a certain type cultural racial characteristics that I can't realistically fulfill, because I'm not sure if I can

ex. girl is dating me expecting me to be a certain model of black a person (super hip hop culture, super i reggae) or is she dating me for me (it's a weird sort of dynamic that gets me to in my head.

That being I am private person and have trouble with opening myself up to girls and letting them in my life it's as I said I like to talk about nothing. I consider myself fairly opinionated person and politically conscience and sometimes I feel like if I let girls know how I feel about certain things they won't see me as this light hearted person they met also being biracial it is sometimes hard to find people that can relate to on this level, and in some ways when I do if just feel like it would be just as effective to talk to an animate object

I'm saying this to help maybe gain some insight on what you may need to work on, what are your strengths and your weaknesses our experiences may not be similar but they may not be different hopefully listing who I am and my distress can give you some enlightenment and hopefully can help solve yours

And honestly I'm tired of typing and I've hangout with a friend right now watching 50/50. back to life bitches lol ( jk jk wish you nothing but good times)

Just4Lulzz · 2017-06-11T05:11:47+00:00

Toronto has a scene. Seek them out for a night out. That way, even if you don't get lucky, you can still have fun with a group of people.

Also, what do you think are your best features? I try to accentuate my best features while hiding the other ones that might hinder me.

DaygameCoach · 2017-06-11T06:57:46+00:00

Your approach anxiety is stopping you from approaching, and is creating excuses for you.

Kill the self limiting beliefs, because if you believe them, they are true for you:

If you think online dating is a waste of time for you, it is. Same with:
Thinking you are ugly.
Thinking women in your city are extremely superficial and stuckup
Thinking you don't have opportunities to hit the town (make them!)
Thinking approaching women is part of rape culture.
Thinking women here do not EVER make eye contact with you
Thinking you have a below average face
Thinking it's a feminist city.

Stop framing women are random. Unless you are approaching every 4th woman, it isn't random. Approaching women because they are hot isn't random either, unless you approach every 4th hot woman.

Increase your social circle.

You are overthinking things.

Now, cold approach 100 women (don't count multiple women in the same set) in next 29 days, and let us know how it goes.

And whatever you do, don't reply to my comment with excuses, self limiting beliefs, or justification or self-limiting beliefs.

Title	Now that I'm finally realizing online dating is a waste of time for black men, I'm ready to approach random women but think I'm somehow in the wrong....
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	7
Comments	51
Date	June 10, 2017 1:06 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/6gf51w/now_that_im_finally_realizing_online_dating_is_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/now-that-im-finally-realizing-online-dating-is-a.1425905 https://theredarchive.com/post/1425905

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