Boyfriend doesn't want to become a better person – only focus is his work.

Wife_and_Mama · 2024-03-06T18:57:58+00:00

It sounds like you're on different paths, in different phases of life. You can't "fix" him, by your estimation. He may grow to have what you consider more fulfilling priorities. He may not. Your only options are to stay and risk years hoping things will change or leave and find someone whose priorities better align with your own.

At first glance, this sounds like a "high value man" - since he is a provider.

If I had to choose one most overrated quality for a "high value man" on this sub, I'd say it's money. Of course it matters, but it can't make up for someone who bores you or doesn't want the same things.

Kwassadin · 2024-03-06T18:59:10+00:00

It seems like he might be channeling most of his energy into work at the moment, leaving little for personal growth in other areas. I prefer this approach to work-life balance as well—immersing in a single pursuit until achieving the goal, then gradually incorporating the new situation into the broader scope of life.

Assert whether his decreased attention to other aspects of life is temporary. It's possible that he's feeling exhausted by work, which is a common challenge in maintaining work-life balance. Introducing him to strategies and techniques for balancing work and personal life could be beneficial if you care about his well-being.

Focus on presenting the benefits of achieving a better balance rather than attempting to change him directly. He might feel resentful to outside change. You should introduce these concepts and strategies gently, offering an exemplary plan.

Be mindful of the fact that full-time-ing Jordan Peterson's advice, a career, and a relationship, while taking care of any other possible things might be pretty exhausting.

AutoModerator · 2024-03-06T18:16:35+00:00

Title: Boyfriend doesn't want to become a better person – only focus is his work.

Author Immediate-Seat-5632

Full text: I am slowly giving up, I think I already have?

My boyfriend is not perfect, neither am I. I am far from it and strive to be better everyday.

My boyfriends only focus in life is his work. He is drained and has no energy for other things. He has no interest in deep conversations with me. When problems arise he rarely handles them actively, he is too focused on work and when not working he is too drained to handle anything else that is serious.

I have recently understood that the only aspect of his life in which he tries to be better is his work. Our relationship? No, in his opinion I should just love him the way he is and be extremely patient with him.

He really likes Jordan Peterson and we bonded over that. I thought he was the type of person who liked to evolve on a personal level. That is not the case.

He has a long way to go before he is ready to have a wife and chuldren. I was so excited to be a part of that journey but now it seems he doesn't even want that for himself. His life is his work. He doesn't really feel the need or have the motivation to succeed on a personal level or in our relationship.

At first glance, this sounds like a "high value man" - since he is a provider. But honestly... I don't know how to stand by a man who would be the most happy to just work and get a bj every now and then. No intellectual conversations, no motivation to be a better man, no interest in books and new ideas...

Help. This is a cry for help, if you hadn't missed it.

Is there someone here in a similar situation?

^{This is the original text of the post and this is an automated service}

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

AutoModerator · 2024-03-06T18:16:36+00:00

Thank you for posting to RPW. Here are a couple reminders:

If you are seeking relationship advice. Make sure you are answering the guidelines for asking for advice on the rules page
Do not delete your post once you have your answers. Others may have the same question!
You must participate in your own post. If you put up a post and disapear, it will be removed.
We are not here for non-participants to study us. If you are writing a paper or just curious, read our sidebar and wiki and old posts.
Men are not allowed to ask questions and generally discouraged from participating unless they are older, partnered and have Red Pill experience.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

ArdentBandicoot · 2024-03-06T22:42:23+00:00

[permanently deleted]

PerfectThrowaway2024 · 2024-03-09T23:36:09+00:00

I will try to offer a different perspective.

You state that "My boyfriends only focus in life is his work. He is drained and has no energy for other things.".

Questions should consider:

Why is he focused so much on his work?
What does work give him, that he is not getting when he is spending time with you?

When i read this, my thought was... is it more of a symptom/side-effect rather than the main thing/"problem"?

I do wonder....

"Does he feel pressured by you" to be a certain way?
Does he pressure himself to advance as much as possible in his work/career? If so, why? (Maybe this is the way that he thinks, is his best shot being able to eventually sustain a family in the future?).
Is work is way of avoiding/coping with some other issues/stress in the private life? (Avoiding them, by just applying himself to a work where is is getting positive feedback?)

kunimistu · 2024-03-16T19:27:06+00:00

What work? And maybe you two are in compatible.

I know two women who married a wealthy business man, but the man didnt have time for home. When both the guys died the women didnt i acquire anything nor did they know anything about the assets or business & just lost everything.

But there are women who are involved in everything their husband do/does and have been able to take over all of his belongings including businesses.

Wooden-Grape-4660 · 2024-03-20T16:16:19+00:00

Maybe just your opinion. Think about in positive ways. He had a job, responsibility,hard worker.., support him and be thankful for that. He’s not cheated. Have a deep conversation with him… be positive and it will be happen like you want it he is for you girl 🤙

TheBunk_TB · 2024-03-06T20:10:03+00:00

Do you want him as a project or do you want him?

Are you secretly wanting to change him?

Title	Boyfriend doesn't want to become a better person – only focus is his work.
Author	Immediate-Seat-5632
Upvotes	11
Comments	18
Date	March 6, 2024 6:16 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1b86vc1/boyfriend_doesnt_want_to_become_a_better_person/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/boyfriend-doesnt-want-to-become-a-better-person.1426245 https://theredarchive.com/post/1426245

Comments