Why Everyone Has Approach Anxiety

Every man has anxiety before they approach women. This is because in our ancestor's evolutionary past, men who approached women who were taken was either murdered/ beat up by their man. Additionally, it is because we lived in tribes of no more than 150 people, and if word got out that you were rejected by one or a few women, then no other women would want you because it suggested that you were lower value. So, essentially, approaching women and it going poorly had the potential to result in murder, or an inability to reproduce.

The fear will never completely go away, but it will greatly dissipate the more you do it. So, the obvious answer is to do more approaches, but you most likely already know that the fear will mainly go away if you just simply approach women.

How to Get Rid Of Approach anxiety (Jump Off the Deep End)

Many people suggest to just approach women and have mundane platonic conversations with them to get over this fear. While there is merit to that suggestion, it ultimately doesn't bring you any closer to what you want. Anyone can have a conversation that is platonic, non sexual and boring, but it's not bringing you any closer to what you want -- a romantic relationship with a woman.

So, I propose jumping off of the deep end. That is, approaching the most attractive woman, or even better, group of women, and immediately establishing romantic interest with a direct opener. Because you're unskilled, you'll most likely get rejected, and that's totally fine. The purpose is for you to realize that approaching women and getting rejected is not really a big deal. Approaching women and making small talk is not going to make you any better at approaching women, establishing romantic interest, and building attraction.

I did my first cold approach ever at a gym, and I jumped off the deep end by approaching the two hottest girls in there. They weren't just hot, but they also walked around like they knew they were hot, which added to the intimidation factor. After doing this as my first approach ever, everything else was legitimately a joke because I started on hard difficulty, making approaches were the girl was by herself much easier.

Reframe Your Fear

During my self improvement journey, one aspect of my life I wanted to improve was becoming more masculine, and a component of masculinity is conquering your fears. So, I evaluated this fear through a lens of becoming more masculine, because in order to become a masculine man, you have to conquer your fears, which includes approaching women. So, every time I wanted to approach a woman and was hesitant, I always reminded myself my primary reason for doing so was to become more masculine, not necessarily to get more women. Reframe it however you please, but this was the one that worked best for me.

Become The Person You Want to Be

I always wanted to be a guy who could confidently approach a group of women, make them laugh and pull the one I wanted, so I became just that. I wanted to become that guy so I did a considerable amount of cold approaches up until the point that I became skilled enough to confidently say that I have the social skills and game to pull any woman I approach (not saying I will pull every girl I talk to by any means). So, if you're inexperienced with women and want to be good with them, do enough approaches and regular introspection so you can become that guy.

There is no better feeling you get than from conquering your fears

There is literally no better feeling that exists than the euphoric rush of dopamine you get after approaching a woman, even if you get rejected. The feeling after conquering your fears is one of the best feelings ever and is truly amazing. So, while you may be scared at first, the feeling afterwards is always worth it.

Caring What Others Think

Other people will be around when you approach women. Other people will hear your conversation, and some will ease drop. It's going to happen and it is completely out of control. Don't let this stop you from approaching women. Most men will be envious of the fact that you can approach women and have the balls to do so, as most men don't cold approach because of fear. Don't let the fear of others seeing you get rejected prevent you from approaching a good looking woman you might not encounter from a long time. They also don't really care, have their own problems going on, and will forget about you right after it happens because people are overly concerned with themselves.

Nothing's really a big deal

In the grand scheme of things, approaching a woman and establishing romantic interest isn't a big deal. After approaching so many women, you'll forget about the ones you've approached, and forget about the rejections. I will say, approaching women has resulted in me meeting some very cool (and not so cool) people, and experiencing some great moments. None of which would've happened if I never decided to conquer my fears.

This article goes into more detail about how to conquer your fear of approaching women:https://open.substack.com/pub/jackedguy/p/how-to-conquer-your-fear-of-approaching?r=31tj3q&utm\_campaign=post&utm\_medium=web

TL;DR Everyone has approach anxiety because of how we evolved. It will never go away, but will dissipate with the more approaches you do. It's best to conquer this fear by jumping off the deep end and approaching a group of hot women, or the hottest women in the vicinity to realize that approaching women isn't all that bad. Furthermore, jumping off the dep end will make all subsequent approaches much easier because you've already played on expert difficulty. You should also reframe your fear and establish a reason why you want to approach women as opposed to only wanting to do it for sexual reasons (unless that's your only reason). I wanted to become more masculine, and a tenant of masculinity is the ability to conquer your fears, which caused me to force myself to approach women to become so. You can also reframe it by evaluating what type of person you want to become. I wanted to become a guy who could walk up to a table of women and pull the one I wanted, so I became that guy, do the same for yourself. The feeling you get after conquering your fears (approaching women) is euphoric and one of the greatest feelings in the world. Even if you get rejected, the amazing feeling is still there and makes it worthwhile. Don't let other people around prevent you from approaching, other men probably wish they had your balls, and remember, in the grand scheme of things, nothing's really a big deal, and approaching women can lead to some really awesome life experiences.