emotional insecurity

PhantomDream09 · 2014-10-15T18:37:51+00:00

Text less. I read this and thought you were a woman (meaning I read the "Me: ..." entries and thought to myself "OP texts/talks like a woman").

Me: im not trying to give you tips.. not sure how you expect me to do that when i hardly know anything about you..

Hopefully reading that makes you cringe a little at yourself. You broke frame, and you sound like you're pouting.

This is a common mistake that, when it happens in person can be quickly turned around - but this happened via texting. She can go back and look at every mistake you made at any time.

When she next comes to you looking for 'help' make one suggestion and pull her in for a hug/kiss while you're talking. If she tries to interrupt you - just tell her (gently, but firmly) to stop and simply relax. My SO will interrupt me when I'm stressing too much and instruct me to 'hush' (it makes me smile and laugh every time) and he holds my hand or draws me close to him. I'm familiar and comfortable with that exchange, and it works via text/over the phone now as well. It's a little quirk in our dynamic, the word signals that he knows exactly what's going on, and he's going to help me by (A) interrupting my thought-process (which helps me slow down), (B) fixing my worry without indulging a useless habit (stressing without pursuing a solution or thinking in a purposeful manner), and (C) showing me that I can count on him to help me in ways that I actually need (even though initially I thought I just wanted him to let me ramble). My SO also saves us both a lot of time, energy, and potential fall-out/stress because he addresses things directly.

MarriedRP · 2014-10-15T20:19:07+00:00

Are you trying to hook up with this gal? Because you sure aren't acting like it. You are 100% inside her frame, being one of her girlfriends. Your platitudes and life hacks are not what she wants. Her world is boring her right now, she's practically begging you to invite her out of hers and into your world. Be awesome, and be awesome immediately.

Play it like this:

Her: I'm having a so- so day

Me: grab a 6 pack and come on over. I'll make sure you have a great night

SpinalArt · 2014-10-15T19:08:53+00:00

I think every guy makes this mistake. The mistake is in trying to fix her problem or offer solutions. That's not what they want, they want you to listen, console them a bit and ease their mind. We are naturally fixers and love to fix problems but when it comes to a woman coming to you with problems it's all about listening unless she specifically says otherwise.

The way you could of played this is You: "damn that sucks. What is the test on?" Her: "blah blah blah" You: make a witty comment on subject and her being a nerd or party girl depending on what you know about her. Her: "blah blah blah" You: Something about you two getting together and studying real hard so she can pass her next test but with double meaning aka perverted way.

If in person adjust the interaction to what shes going through. Just don't try to fix. You annoyed the shit out of her by offering solutions and shit and then getting mad because none of it helped.

secret_barber · 2014-10-15T22:31:30+00:00

Don't try to solve her bullshit. Just listen, acknowledge (or don't) and change the subject to something you do want to hear about.

peacewhale · 2014-10-15T23:05:51+00:00

Please limit relationship questions to those regarding women you have met in person...

oldredder · 2014-10-16T05:12:32+00:00

Plates don't go with dates. Plates are also girls you are laying already, the difference between actual plate and prospective plate.

Emotional support is not supposed to happen. Sex is the purpose. Nothing else.

If you really want a girlfriend you still can't really give emotional support & you can't even properly pretend until after you've met her. Once you have you don't actually give emotional support, you just mess with her emotions to make her not a pain in the ass. A woman's emotions are random, uncontrollable, sometimes pure stupidity and it can't ever be on you to properly give emotional support - any more than you can be expected to control a nuclear reactor with no training and no more controls than the stickshift of a racing car (which is impossible). If you find a real good, stable one she won't need support - only occasional validation that you can give her the emotions she wants, which you will when you have the insight to do so, again just so she won't be a pain in the ass.

prettylatebloomer · 2014-10-15T18:19:47+00:00

Improve your communication skills...your responses are too wordy. This can't be said enough, you need to read more sidebar. You didn't really screw up too much, your text game needs improvement though. Don't get hung up on your mistakes, you live and learn. Continue to read the sidebar, and keep learning through experience.

Title	emotional insecurity
Author	BrappZanigan
Upvotes	6
Comments	12
Date	October 15, 2014 6:08 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2jc7ln/emotional_insecurity/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/emotional-insecurity.142856 https://theredarchive.com/post/142856

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