Im just gonna get straight to it. I got out of a 4 and a half year relationship about 3 months ago and for the entire relationship I was a complete beta and didnt notice it. When I read the book "No More Mr. nice Guy," I could have sworn he was writing about me. Anyways I discovered trp about a month later from some people bashing it and read about it out of curiosity and it all made so much sense to me. It felt like I had found all the answers! But I guess I am stuck in the anger or denial phase because my mind is torturing me.

I still long for that relationship where I could sit on a couch next to the fireplace and snuggle up with a woman that I could call my wife and best friend completely trusting her and having wonderful moments with the whole dog and all of the stuff you would see in movies. I feel like this has been shoved into my brain for the past 21 years and I dont know if I can snap out of it. A part of me refuses to let go. I have been going to the gym as trp suggests and am slowly putting on weight (10 pounds the past 2.5 months) but I still want that innocent joy thats stuck in my mind. I know it makes me sound so stupid but it seems almost impossible to let it go and I really dont want to lose that little hope I have left.

I know the world is a harsh place and I need to just man up and deal with it but do any of you have advice for me? I have read the sidebar and reread a lot of things. I am currently reading the rational male, but I still feel stuck and im not even over the relationship I just got out of and it was my first and only relationship I wish it hadnt have lasted this long because now I am scared that it will be my last real LTR.

Any advice would be much appreciated thank you for your time in reading this.