Hotties, please explain

Hnikud · 2017-10-20T12:46:43+00:00

You need some inner game my dude. Start by reading Models by Mark Manson. I would also recommend The Subtle Art of not Giving a Fuck by Mark Manson. By the way, they could be intimidated.

RainSnowHail · 2017-10-20T14:47:05+00:00

this was somewhat hard to read

FriendlyIntelligent · 2017-10-20T13:55:42+00:00

I would say they are afraid. People are cruel, especially to those they deem lesser than themselves. And in a society that idolizes beauty and imposes unrealistic expectations on girls, those deemed less attractive are prime targets for cruel jokes. My guess is they have been on the butt end of more than one, and believe you're trying to do it again.

My suggestion? Get to know them, be their friend. And once they see you're genuinely interested maybe they'll drop their guard a little.

...Or make a point of being rejected multiple times, that might work too lol

yael_wexler · 2017-10-20T14:34:21+00:00

I'm an attractive girl, but I like to date "ugly" guys (my friend's words). They say my boyfriends are lucky to have me, but like they say that literally for the only reason that I'm attractive. I feel lucky to have them though because they usually treat me really nice.

I was at a gaming/cyber cafe with a hot bf and I asked him if he could please get my jacket from his car because it was cold inside and raining outside. He said, in front of people, "no. Why should I have to suffer so you can be comfortable?" That's what I should have said that when he wanted to do anal.

Also hot dudes know they are hot and most of them act cocky about it. That's annoying. Or they love attention and can't keep to just one girl because attention from other women comes easily to them. Also if they know they can just get another girl, they'll do that if I do something to piss them off or freak them out (I've cried to a guy before and the next day he broke up with me over text).

So it's like a fear of being cheated on and/or dropped/ghosted for another girl, which you have the ability to do if you're a hot dude.

Those are just a few anecdotal examples of why they could be saying no. Sorry I'm really tired, hope that makes sense

Pasttenseaggressive · 2017-10-20T19:36:07+00:00

Anyway you could be more specific about the behavior you are experiencing?

Unless you somehow find yourself attracted only to very hostile and bitter women, it's hard to understand how this behavior could be the norm for you.

If your nerves and overall self image cause you to clam up and become quiet, closed off, or unapproachable to these women... yet the "hotter" women that you don't feel you have a chance with and therefore nothing to lose, you are suddenly charismatic, open, and relatable to... you could be sending the wrong message to the women you are TRULY interested in.

They may become defensive and start wondering if you really, truly like them. Or wonder why they should believe your "so-called" interest in them when you shut down as soon as they reciprocate.

If you have any trusted female friends, that may have been a romantic interest at one point but now are friends, I would straight up ask them their opinion. How you come across to women you are interested in, and what you might need to change in order to have better results.

SocietalEngineering · 2017-10-20T14:09:54+00:00

No one fails on the 1001st attempt. No one. Just remember that.

DirkDieGurke · 2017-10-20T16:16:34+00:00

Maybe tone down your game and focus on being more fun and friendly. If you are good looking, you only need to express an attractive personality. You might be intimidating, so try a more mild approach. The important thing is to approach and calibrate to the girl's confidence. Girls are more insecure than you think.

glump1 · 2017-10-20T17:08:48+00:00

I have the exact same problem. All my roommates are actively dating and I'm not, which seems to surprise people. I'm a psych major and very introspective, and I've kind of found a couple different reasons;

Leftover Habits: if you used to not be confident, and now you're much more confident, there's lots of little things that you won't change for a while. For example I agree with everything everyone says cause I used to be eager to please, even though I know I don't really need to agree to be liked.

It's my experience that this is almost worse than just being unconfident or less attractive. This is because your confidence level isn't really intuitive to most, so it's kinda disconcerting. Like if there's some attractive guy who's really pulling all the tricks in the book, it feels like there's some secret desperation or sleaze or something. Perhaps it's just me but when I meet people, I'm charming and good looking and all that, and it takes about two months for them to begin to "see through" to an earlier, much less appealing version of my psyche, that's much more noticeable than if I were just less attractive. I find honesty clears that one up pretty quick, along with evidence of some intrinsically good quality, like kindness or wit. It just means you kinda gotta sift through your old self and find the shiny rocks.

The second reason I find that newly attractive people are unsuccessful in social arenas is simply avoidance and anxiety. There are lots of guys that are just more into the prospect of video games or weed, instead of more outgoing activities (which they presumably got a bad taste for in adolescence). Simply because you're in a position to have a better time now doesn't mean you always will, since anxiety can still bounce around in your head, and you'll look back on experiences as worse than they were. It means you might not look forward to social events and such, even though there's no reason for it. I'm super guilty of this one. Now that I think about it, every date or hookup I've had in the last 6 months has been the result of a girl asking me. The clear answer is the "just talk to her" stuff, but imo the secret to doing it well is to strategize. It's like how people that say "just do it" to work are much, much more likely to procrastinate than those that go to coffee shops or set specific times.

There's another part to that, which is that in the moment you're also kind of avoidant, too. IE Words and thoughts don't really latch onto your mind so you can say them, and you wind up being unintentionally awkward. Being confident can reinforce that you're attractive, but being attractive also gives the impression of confidence. If this winds up misleading people, they're bound to have thoughts if disappointment and judgement.

The third reason I see that attractive guys feel unsuccessful is simply because they think they're too attractive. I think it's rare that 'ugly' guys wholly lie to themselves; it's more that guys have developed a tenderness for being attractive, and if they didn't have such an inflated ego they'd sit better with their own thoughts. You might be an ugly duckling or just flat out attractive, but everyone has different tastes. Quelling the concept of your attractiveness, even if you are really attractive, is gonna make the rejection hurt a hell of a lot less than if you're always thinking of yourself as attractive. Kinda like how a rubber ball is bouncier than a metal one (which way bouncier than a deflated sack). Dennis from It's Always Sunny is like the prime example of someone attractive, who knows it, and has no other metric for people's interest. So when he's rejected he freaks out and has no idea how to reconcile it, as it has to be an attack on him. Just YouTube his finest moments if you don't know what I'm talking about.

Hopefully this helped in some way!

Title	Hotties, please explain
Author	AsdGoober1994
Upvotes	1
Comments	11
Date	October 20, 2017 10:46 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/77laz5/hotties_please_explain/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/hotties-please-explain.1435536 https://theredarchive.com/post/1435536

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