[deleted by user]

ImJustSo · 2017-11-07T12:15:03+00:00

Sounds to me like you were more concerned with being nervous, sounding silly, not getting words in, not being as cool as someone, etc etc.

Think about the conversation, if nothing really interesting is being said, then don't talk. If something could be more interesting another way, then speak up. If you're attentive and quiet, people will ask your opinion, but you've got to be attentive. You don't have to dominate a conversation to be cool, funny, or interesting. As a matter of fact, dumb people will usually lead the conversation for you, and that's perfect.

l337joejoe · 2017-11-07T12:38:56+00:00

I used to be the exact same way. The answer is to tackle whatever the source of this nervousness is head on. They make you nervous? Throw yourself into that situation. You're like a character that needs experience points, and the only way to break through and gain confidence is to face your social fears head on. BE YOU. Not some cheap knock off version trying to impress them. And keep in mind, in the end who really gives a fuck what anyone thinks but you; at the end of the day it's you who has to live with yourself. So be laid back, natural, chill =) you got this.

DirkDieGurke · 2017-11-07T14:32:01+00:00

I think I have read that if you're in a social situation where someone else is more "dominant" or popular per se', then treat them with interest, and that person will be drawn to you which in return gives you some social value as a result.

flyingkiwi46 · 2017-11-07T14:41:27+00:00

Sometimes less is more. you just need to sit back and listen to what people are talking about. Don't try too hard to be interesting will look off. Instead try to be "chill" speak when you have something worth saying. Keep this rule in general be interested in w.e people are talking about. When you're interested in what they're saying the convo has alot more value. Key words here is listen and actually be interested

NoloRadio · 2017-11-07T20:41:35+00:00

All of the advice in here to listen more, don't go in with preconceived notions of inferiority, etc, is good. Two more points:

Consider if you're actually interested in the subject at hand. Sometimes (and I've definitely had this problem) when the topic at hand doesn't interest us, we say boring or low-status things just to relate to the topic. In doing so, we often conform to the tone set by the leaders of the conversation, who often chose that topic because it makes them look good or because they have a lot of things to say about it. If you have less confidence in yourself, you will often try to 'prove' yourself in conversation by chiming in with any anecdote or thought you might have on the given topic, instead of being more confident and fluid and transitioning the conversation to a subject where you have more status and interest. Guys with low social confidence and understanding of hierarchies/competition are often really bad at verbal transitions, which is why you should study them.
While it's fine to play it cool rather than trying to say things that aren't entertaining or interesting, watch out for a dynamic where the people leading the conversation just roll right over you because you're not speaking enough. This is related to the above problem: If you've been stuck in a conversation where you have nothing to contribute for too long, and haven't managed to bring it around to something that does interest you, your efforts to do so are going to look clumsy and jarring (especially if the other people involved really are interested in the subject at hand).

rptrn · 2017-11-07T13:41:21+00:00

The biggest thing I'm realising is really listen. Practice listening. Evaluate any statement you make before you make it. If the only reason your saying it is it will make you sound good, toss it. If it's valuable, it still will be in two seconds time plus you're not going to be interrupting them with what you want to say. No stranger is going to care about how awesome you think you are but if you can make them feel awesome by listening and appreciating them then they're going to want to hang around you just to keep that feeling.

Ihatevegetables99 · 2017-11-07T23:35:23+00:00

Hey, I wouldn't try to fit in. Use innocence and obliviousness to your advantage. Be unique but better in some way. Joke around, smile alot. Be really really honest with people. Rebel a little bit. Be the class clown and you will attract their attention. Be yourself. Seriously huge one. Do whatever you want, don't conform much. Don't be afraid to express emotion.

flyingkiwi46 · 2017-11-07T14:41:32+00:00

Sometimes less is more. you just need to sit back and listen to what people are talking about. Don't try too hard to be interesting will look off. Instead try to be "chill" speak when you have something worth saying. Keep this rule in general be interested in w.e people are talking about. When you're interested in what they're saying the convo has alot more value. Key words here is listen and actually be interested

Title	[deleted by user]
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	52
Comments	30
Date	November 7, 2017 6:23 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/7bbeo5/how_to_avoid_attempting_to_impress_cool_people/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/deleted-by-user.1436494 https://theredarchive.com/post/1436494

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