I've been trying to put myself out there more lately, but the more I do it, the more I just want to give up. I walk into a bar or club and it's packed with people. Every seems to be there with someone. I am literally the only person standing in there alone.
It's so busy and the bartender doesn't even seem like they want to serve me. Like I'm just a nuisance to them when they're waiting on other people at the bar. I just want to talk to someone. I don't even care about meeting women at this point.
I moved to this new city a little more than 2 years ago and still have yet to establish any friends or meet a girl worth more than a ONS who isn't going to ghost immediately. I feel like I'm starting to go crazy from loneliness. I'm not ugly, I don't dress super nice but I still have a sense of fashion and how to match clothes. I have ambition and drive.. I lift. Everytime I open my mouth though I feel stupid. Like people are judging me. Sometimes people say snide remarks toward me for not having the same knowledge of them in niche subjects like underground music or art.
This really is starting to affect my psyche. What if I'm crazy and I don't even realize it? I could be that guy everyone talks shit about as he walks away from the group. I am beginning to believe I'm just a loner who is meant to die alone. I'm 28 for fuck's sake and all I could muster in my life was a 1 year LTR with my unicorn and she crushed my heart. This happened 5 years ago, and it's about when my anxiety and depression began. I just feel like I'm not worth enough of a fuck for anyone to care for. Like I could be laying on the sidewalk starving to death and I would be invisible to society.
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