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[–]pre_internet 10 points11 points12 points 7 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
You have to forgive yourself. Everybody makes mistakes, even the best of us. Everything you’ve ever wanted is on the other side of fear.
[–][deleted] 7 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
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[–]pre_internet 2 points3 points4 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Of course you can’t control all your thoughts, you’re not a robot, but you can decide to not be attached to your thoughts. You are not your thoughts. You’re thoughts will come and go. Some will be weird and some will be wonderful, however none of them are truly who you are as a person. You are defined by your actions. It’s what you do in this life that matters.
[–]thatcatwhisperer 4 points5 points6 points 7 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You said you've never cuddled or kissed with a girl before. Considering that, what happened that night was a pretty big step for you. I expect you've never been in a situation like this one before, so you're a step ahead of where you were now. This is progress. Maybe you froze up, but you still did manage to get this girl interested enough in you to get her to come over. I think a lot of things were against you that night: no prior experience, almost no time to prepare yourself mentally, no sleep. It's okay. We all mess up sometimes.
You should text her and ask to see her when you're back. Tell her that you were sleepy/tired/jetlagged the other night and would like to make it up to her by buying her some coffee or whatever.
A note about logistics: Maybe she wants to come over to your place again and this is too high-stress for you right at the start of the date. You need to find a way to start off a bit more public. So: give her a hint that you'll probably take her back to your place later by saying something like "There's a cozy little cafe I've discovered near my hotel that I quite like. Let's go there!" - the "near my hotel" lets her know subtly that the date can move to your room later in the evening, so she might be less pushy about coming over to yours right from the get go. It's easier to say this up front rather than getting stuck in a situation where she flakes on you for the actual date and then asks to come late at night once again.
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points 7 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Hey, I’m a girl and you should relax . I’m also a traveler and what I learnt about traveling is that you can be whoever you want and also you don’t see the people you meet on the road again.
I lost my virginity on the road as well as I didn’t tell the guy. I was also super nervous just like you are. He noticed that I was virgin actually (it’s easy to tell for a girl as I was not relaxed at all and he was a jerk anyway!). I was still doing a lot of foreplay to him and he loved it. He sucked in bed although he had experience so you see it doesn’t mean anything.
The key with girls is to be very generous in compliments and foreplay. Spend more time thinking about how hot she is than on how horny you are.
If you don’t want to tell her you’re virgin don’t tell her that’s okay. Just tell her that you usually don’t sleep with strangers and that you want her to guide you and tell her the stuff she likes.
But mostly if you feel like you aren’t ready don’t go. If you feel like you’re ready then go for it. I’m not an expert but I believe that we have to listen to our emotions. You should be nervous and excited at the same time. Maybe have diner with her first in a nice restaurant. Spending a nice moment in a public place with good food and good wine gets us horny somehow. And you can be sexual outside of bed. It’s all about what’s going on in your mind. I can be very turned on just with a kiss
[–][deleted] 7 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 7 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Forget everything you see in porn!! That’s the best advice I can give you. You won’t fuck for hours she won’t scream forever and you won’t do 1000 different positions.
You are really nervous about it maybe you should relax first... you have nothing to lose and even if the experience isn’t too great for both of you that’s okay. I doubt you could walk perfectly the first time you tried.
If she’s experienced and super horny I guess she will initiate the thing. But you can let her know that you like her by complimenting her on how great she looks.
For kissing I learnt from a video on YouTube called “how to kiss/how to French kiss”. Check it out. But like, most men don’t know how to French kiss to be honest so I would say stick to the lips and avoid putting your tongue in her mouth especially early on. The tongue is super sensitive so when it comes too early during the kissing and our mind isn’t ready to be this “close” it kinda gross us out. At the beginning just kiss her lips and her neck. Tell her that she’s pretty when you kiss her. Maybe once or twice. It’s so pleasant to hear it honestly.
During foreplay do what she does to you to keep it simple. You can start with a massage actually. I like it . And for my first time i did it so it gave me some time to think about how I was feeling and what I could do to the dude after that. I was nervous as you lol but usually as you get comfortable you just follow your heart and don’t think about the next move so yeah you can start with a massage. Here are other ideas : kiss her from head to toe. Don’t forget to come back to her face. Give her a chance to touch you too. I notice that when I didn’t have experience touching the other person was easier than letting them touch me. I don’t know if you are okay with orals but if you aren’t you can just kiss the outside and inside of her thighs.
Oh! The clit is for us what the the top of the penis is for you. It’s extremely sensitive . As you see that she is relaxed you can start to touch it gently. You will notice that she is turned on as her vagina gets more wet. As it gets wet you can touch her clit faster . You will notice that it actually gets hard too. Spend a lot of time on her clit it’s very important! Maybe after kissing her entire body you can let her do something for you and after that start to touch her clit. You might come super fast the first time that’s why doing more foreplay is great for her as we can get orgasms just when the dude touches the clit long enough.
For the position I think it’s better to let her ride you so that you know the kind of thrust she likes. You could just lay on your back and tell her “come on top” . I don’t recommend the missionary as most men come fast in that position since they lose strength and exhaust their arms in that position. The doggy style could be great for you. As you don’t see her in the eyes you might feel more confident. Eye contact is super important tho so make sure you look at her in the eyes often. But when we are shy it’s a bit hard at the beginning.
When you thrust: avoid putting your entire dick in her the first time. Just put your very first inches and play around with it . The entry of the vagina is super sensitive and if you go too deep too fast, she might experience pain. (But some lub btw. We are never wet enough. No matter how horny we are! A lub changes everything) . Put some lub on your condom or give her the lub so that she can put it on you or she can put in on her vagina too.
When you are ready to enter: try 5 small thrusts for 1 big thrust. Or 9 small thrusts for 1 big thrust. This will relax her vagina and slowly but surely you will be able to go deeper and faster. You can ask her if she wants your thrust to be faster or slower. Communication is key. You really have to feel like you can tell her anything. This is why I suggested the dinner so that you learn how to communicate with her in a non sexual environment.
If you come before her you can ask her if she wants you to finish her . Ask her to lay on her stomach or to put herself in all fours so that you can play with her clit from behind. Most girls have a lot of pleasure in those 2 positions (even during sex)
I’m a girl and some dude that have experience didn’t do the advice I just gave you. If you can memorize some of those tips. I’m sure you will be better than some of the dudes that call themselves “experienced players “ or whatever. Keep in mind that we are all someone best lover and someone worst lover. Just like you can’t be friends with everyone. In bed it’s the same. Your energy might match with someone when it doesn’t with someone else !
Let me know if this helped !
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Spending some time with her outside would help. Having someone you don’t know in your very private space is weird and intimidating so I’m not surprised by how you feel!
If you start kissing outside as well you start to build sexual tension.
[–]-Still-Waters- 1 point2 points3 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You're normal, relax. I still have a little internal battle with myself to make the first move and I've been piping since I was 15 (28 now).
You just have to go for it, man. Its like going bungie jumping or sky diving (well, maybe not that dramatic). Take the leap! Will yourself to make the first move and everything should flow from there. 1 step at a time. Kiss. Caress. And than Yes!
[–]dayonetactics 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You'll do fine eventually.
One day you will realise this means fuck all in terms of life.
[–]tallrasputin 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Don’t sweat it. You deserve it. We all deserve it when the times comes. I lost my v card later by choice as I was going to try and wait, but when I did it wasn’t a big deal at all. Nothing about you changes, you just bust a really nice nut. I enjoyed my first time but most people don’t, so I’d say just know you probably won’t even enjoy it and hopefully that helps take the pressure off.
[–]tallrasputin 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Just bring your expectations down a bit. That should take some pressure off yourself.
[–]NoRiceForP 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
So you're probably not going to be good at having sex with her. In this situation, even if you managed to overcome your fears it would likely not end well for you if you lead. It's just not possible to take charge when having sex with a girl if you're a virgin. So my recommendation is to simply admit to the girl that you're inexperienced. As long as you don't act to insecure about it, most girls are happy to take the lead for a bit and help you out.
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[–]pre_internet 10 points11 points12 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]pre_internet 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]thatcatwhisperer 4 points5 points6 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points (4 children) | Copy Link
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[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points (2 children) | Copy Link
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[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]-Still-Waters- 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]dayonetactics 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]tallrasputin 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]tallrasputin 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]NoRiceForP 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link