My GF says she wont take my name if we get married

livingthedreamnow · 2015-01-26T21:26:01+00:00

Awesome! She saved you the trouble of figuring out if she's marriageable or not.

SoundsLegitButWrong · 2015-01-26T21:00:50+00:00

Advice?

Don't get married.

itsxeno · Mon Jan 26 21:01:07 2015 UTC

Marry on your terms. Also, you have to question how much a woman values her marriage by not taking their husbands name. There was an excellent post on return of the kings on this very subject. I'll update it if I can find it.

secret_barber · 2015-01-26T21:05:53+00:00

Don't marry a dominant woman.

RPthrowaway123 · 2015-01-26T21:29:33+00:00

Tell her you're not getting married unless she takes your name. This is a big deal to me and many other men too. It is a flat rejection of your role as the leader in the relationship and will doubtless lead to more disrespect and pain in the end.

Clyde10 · 2015-01-26T21:33:10+00:00

Tell her "no problem" and you hope her next boyfriend doesn't have a problem with it.

RPSigmaStigma · 2015-01-26T21:02:21+00:00

This is either a shit test or a beta tell. You need to figure out which based on other factors. If it's a beta tell, dump her or alpha up fast.

ConfidenceMatters · 2015-01-26T21:21:30+00:00

Tell that bitch you make the rules, because you're a Man, and you bring home the bacon.

Tell her that one of her sisters can keep their last name "alive."

fnordsnord · 2015-01-26T21:05:45+00:00

Question: Is this "we've just started dating, and she's blue-skying 'what-if's" or have you proposed, and she's telling you her terms.

Mire_Lurker · 2015-01-26T22:23:12+00:00

Red flag spotted.

Bulldog44 · 2015-01-26T23:11:53+00:00

This is simple, if you want her to and she wont, then don't marry her. You are not the one who stands to gain from marriage, understand what I mean? You are selling the product(your commitment) You get to set the price. Marrying her is doing her a favor, not the other way around.

rebuildingMyself · 2015-01-27T08:50:42+00:00

You: "my wife will take my last name"

Her: whiny shit tests

You: "I said my future wife would take my name. Doesn't mean you have to be that person"

Rollo-Tomassi · 2015-01-27T22:03:35+00:00

Ask her how she feels about accepting an expensive wedding ring.

Most women who decline to take, or hyphenate their husband's surname say they don't want to because they don't want to be "owned" in some traditional, patriarchal sense – yet oddly they don't have a problem accepting a $10K wedding ring, which also is a symbol of old school ownership.

What this really is is a woman who sees you as an abject Beta and in no way wants to be 'owned' by a man she's already decided is a Beta. She'll marry you as her only actionable option for a security provider, but only an Alpha can 'own' her.

She knows this because it's likely there were Alpha men before you who already owned her. She knows the kind of man who she'd gladly submit to his ownership and take his name without an afterthought. You aren't him.

Don't marry her.

Galadriel1 · 2015-01-26T22:29:35+00:00

I know some really great couples who each kept their own last names and they seem really happy, some had kids and others didn't. However, the kids usually took the father's name or they hyphenated it. It can work if both parties want it to enough.

rebuildingMyself · 2015-01-27T08:46:28+00:00

You're the man. You risk a lot more in a marriage than she does. It's your way or the highway. Don't ever compromise basic things like last name or children for a woman who has zero incentive to compromise anything with you after the marriage because of the threat of divorce-rape

Title	My GF says she wont take my name if we get married
Author	whybotherx
Upvotes	1
Comments	36
Date	January 26, 2015 8:53 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2trejh/my_gf_says_she_wont_take_my_name_if_we_get_married/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/my-gf-says-she-wont-take-my-name-if-we-get-married.145632 https://theredarchive.com/post/145632

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