How to deal with female attention after becoming attractive?

elinaeuw · 2019-05-27T08:35:39+00:00

in my opinion,you shouldn't lower your standards,experience or not.you worked your ass off to be where you're at,so why shouldn't you be picky on your side too? it's everyone's right to be as picky as they want to be when it comes to a potential life partner,how unrealistic these standards may seem to be for other people,it's none of my business.

find someone whom you find atttactive and take it easy!

stkdrake · 2019-05-27T10:00:51+00:00

r/humblebrag But for real man don’t lower your standards just keep doing you.

stkdrake · 2019-05-27T09:19:56+00:00

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buttfacenosehead · 2019-05-27T10:50:40+00:00

I wonder if subconsciously you feel these women didn't want you before, so they don't deserve you now. It can be hard to forget how they made you feel before your (essentially) metamorphoses.

hernanemartinez · 2019-05-27T13:44:22+00:00

Hahaha...love how in this subreddit everybody talks about “how-to’s” and this guy just got girls hitting on him straight.

Awesome.

stkdrake · 2019-05-27T11:38:09+00:00

/u/recyclablebanthas

Would appreciate your insight into this, especially in the example I gave. Cheers.

stkdrake · 2019-05-27T16:53:08+00:00

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stkdrake · 2019-05-27T16:58:55+00:00

You were short and got above 6 foot?

Chrisanova_NY · 2019-05-27T17:54:11+00:00

At 20, your self-awareness, and introspection, is wayyyy ahead of most guys in their 40s and 50s.

The girl: What do YOU want from her? Sounds like you have the definitions muddled right now.... Do you WANT her as girlfriend? And if she rejected you (did she??) back when you were lame, then it seems that it's not a great idea now. She missed out, on all your other cool properties.....

As far as lowering standards to gain experience: Sure, why not.

But remember, YOU WERE the lower standard some time back, and now that's reversed.

Someone's true character always reveals itself when they gain power.

How wisely do you choose to use your new power ?

recyclablebanthas · 2019-05-28T03:09:28+00:00

1

20 years old for reference.

Obviously, you're working on this early; a lot of guys don't get started until late 20s or early 30s.

2

The short of it is that I look a lot better and am more of a catch. I'm very confident in myself.

It's not uncommon for me to receive female attention, I've had girls ask me out, I catch them staring at me sometimes. Usually I'm not interested so I don't take advantage.

It's worth it for YOU to examine your own disinterest in these girls you mention. You say you're not interested, and that's valid. But you should know, for your own sake, what it is that turns you off. Maybe you already know but you haven't mentioned.

But in any case, keep an eye on this because it's common for guys who are used to feeling unattractive, to unintentionally hack into their own feelings so they end up apathetic towards all women, as a sort of defense mechanism. Like they can't hurt you if you don't want them.

3

I'm pretty socially onto it, can have good conversations no problem and make people laugh, but when it comes to touching and escalation, I'm not onto it.

Physical escalation require two things:

The confidence to put yourself and your desires out there.
The empathy to tune into the people around you, to calibrate. Simply putting it out there means nothing if you come at girls with a one-size fits all approach and don't make adjustments based on the (verbal and non-verbal) responses they give.

This is where your self-assessments might be an issue; you say you have confidence and that you're basically socially savvy. One of these is untrue if physical escalation is a hang-up for you. If I had to guess, I'd say that confidence is more the issue. You might have developed it, but perhaps only enough to feel secure in your comfort zone.

Point blank, you're going to have to do things that make you feel a little uncomfortable if you want to get anywhere with a girl. You're facing rejection, which is not easy to deal with. BUT, empathy includes having the wherewithal to start your escalation in a small and safe way. There are so many routine ways that we all physically interact with each other, that give you feedback on how a girl feels about you being in her personal space.

Testing her space bubble. Edging into her personal space and seeing if she makes the adjustment to get her space back. Does she move her leg away from yours to maintain distance. And so on.
Safe, non-sexual touches that you could engage in with anyone, even guys. Arm jabs, shoulder, outside of the arm stuff, high fives, etc. Any sort of contact (or expectation of contact like when you put your hand up for a high five) will force a reaction from her as to how much she likes contact with you.
Her reaction to incidental or accidental contact. You can't plan this one, but sometimes you'll bump up against her or something, and her reaction might tell you something.
Overall, it's key that you pay attention throughout this process. You need to be aware of her reaction to you being in her space, or physical contact. It's the only way to know if you are welcome to do what you're doing, or if you should make adjustments.

4

Over the weekend I went out with a girl-friend of mine ....

.....whenever we were walking she'd either grab my arm and have me lead her or link arms/lean on me while walking abreast.

I feel like I probably could have escalated (should I have?) or maybe she was being friendly.

A few things to evaluate:

Just like the bar is set a little higher for women in the service industry (the so-called "hired guns" who have to be friendly for their jobs), girls that you have established a friendship with, also have a higher bar to meet before you can consider them as crossing the line.
- Guys don't grab each other's arms or do any of that stuff with each other because we're all, "No homo bro!" and all that.
- Girls though, do all that stuff with each other. And if you're friends with a girl, it's not strange if they end up relaxing and doing that stuff with you.
So if you've known more than a month or two, none of this stands as escalation.
If it were a first date with a girl you just met, it would mean something.

Here's the difficulty with trying to investigate a girl like this that you've friend-zoned yourself with apparently: Remember all those safe and small ways I mentioned in #3 that are great for testing the waters with girls you JUST met? Well, those are all going to fall under the category of normal friendly behavior with a friend like this girl.

So in order to test the waters with her, it's a WAY more advanced affair. You've going to end up having to push the envelope a little further and likely end up risking the friendship in order to find out. If you go this route, anyway.

One way could be to set up a movie night, just you and her. Then at some point on the couch, while you're all in her space, you could gauge her reaction to turning towards her in that whole prelude to a kiss thing. Like just turning towards her and looking at her eyes and mouth ought to do it. Just long enough to see if she responds positively or not. If not, then you can still back off a bit and preserve the friendship.

If positive, then slowly lean in and see if that continues.....

Don't have the balls for it? Don't want to risk the friendship? Then you're done here.

5

I'm also really picky with women I find attractive....

Like I said, you need to have a talk (with yourself) about why you're so picky. No one else can judge it fully but you, but a general rule of thumb is that fear often leads us to be "picky," so that we have an excuse to be idle and take no action. If you rarely meet women you find "attractive," then one of two things is true (or a combination of the two.)

You don't socialize enough, or in a way that places you around enough new people
Or you find something wrong with most women, to subconsciously justify never acting on anyone.

The truth is, it should be EASY to find someone who's at least attractive enough that you have to investigate further to see what's up before they're eliminated from contention. It's also easy to end up feeling like you're "picky," when you might just be doing too much of the process in your own head instead of gathering information directly from the girls through direct interactions/dating, etc.

6

.....is it a good idea to "lower" my standards for the experience?

Of course, this is a fucking terrible idea. Lowering your standards has the following side effects:

Attunes your game so that you will end up unintentionally attracting girls you're not attracted to
You risk falling into a pattern of going for girls you don't want, and adjusting your game so that it attracts girls unattracted to you and repels girls you are attracted to.
You devalue yourself by going for a girl you don't value, and you're not doing her any favors, either. This drags both of you in the mud.

reginalnz · 2019-05-27T09:22:01+00:00

Damn dude! My situation/background is similar to yours. Let me know how you manage to go about it?

manwomanOG · 2019-05-27T15:06:18+00:00

Don't do anything just to "gain experience". It's using women in a way you wouldn't want to be used yourself. I'd say keep the high standards. Sex and dating aren't about being "good" at anything, they're about a bond between two people. Me, for example -- I have zero "game", but women I become friends with, even married ones, become interested due to my job (maybe) combined with my personality (I am able to find common ground with almost anyone and have that desire to in the workplace or places I'm stuck with certain people). It isn't even about trying to win anyone over; that's the secret. Keep your standards, view women as people no matter what they look like, and be yourself. If you're nothing more than yourself, you're more likely to get a long lasting, quality relationship than someone dumping you in a few months because you can't keep up with your own lies. Also try to hurt as few women in the process. AKA don't get with any woman for experience. Blech. It just hurts them and turns them all jaded about dating too. Then men and women end up hating each other because we've all been hurt by the opposite gender.

Anyway, that's a great sign she's interested. Women can read subtle cues better than men. Try to let this friend down gently as just a friend, but also let your confidence build from women being interested. You'll find some awesome women out there that you may have believed were "out of your league" before. Leagues don't exist unless you believe in them. Wait it out.

ekoagobuchi · 2019-05-27T16:47:11+00:00

Sometimes there is fear of growth and development that gets masked as standards. Don't lower your standards, but explore the motivation behind them... Are you interested in having sex, or only looking for a new relationship? What are you seeking? This will help clarify your intent...

Title	How to deal with female attention after becoming attractive?
Author	stkdrake
Upvotes	15
Comments	38
Date	May 27, 2019 8:16 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/btjg9c/how_to_deal_with_female_attention_after_becoming/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-to-deal-with-female-attention-after-becoming.1469835 https://theredarchive.com/post/1469835

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