Last week i made the most stupid decision of the year. I went to my ex-girlfriend's home. We made out, cuddled and had sex.

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In the moment it felt great but it left my emotionally scarred for days again. My ex still likes me a lot. I stayed way to long into our relationship. I'm so bad with my feelings. During our relationship i didn't even know if i really liked her or just the idea of being with her. I wasn't clear with my feelings because i really didn't know what i felt. It stressed me out so much that i broke up with her. I saw her cry so hard and it was the most painful thing i have ever experienced. I really didn't want to hurt her and she was hurt so many times before (Shitty ex-boyfriends) that where just using her for sex.

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It becomes more and more clear to me that i'm just lonely. Not in my social circle because i have a lot of friends but i just want somebody that loves me romantically . Somebody to cuddle with. How do i stop this feeling? and how do i become more self aware with my feelings?I think i have some sort of childhood trauma, my parents where always working and never really been there for me. I still to this day don't tell them anything personal.