Lack of vulnerability in men caused by parents?

RussianFakeNewsBot · 2019-07-19T15:51:03+00:00

Yeah I've always struggled with vulnerability. I was a shy, easy to embarrass kid so when anyone teased me about a girl it really got to me. I wanted to be a tough, confident, gregarious kid and I wasn't. I realise now there was no malice in it, it was just funny to see my reaction. I learnt to be non reactive and never mention girls due to it, as a form of self defence.

I've got over a lot of it, but I still struggle to be truly vulnerable. And I still struggle to bring up girlfriends to my family (much to their annoyance).

It helps a lot that I realise it's a bit of a complex I have and that it's not reality, it's something I've constructed in my mind. I just need to work on my first reaction not being to shy away, or compartmentalise it. I need to carry on confronting it and I will chip away at it.

Redgiant54 · 2019-07-19T14:43:44+00:00

Yes. Sex and romantic relationships were very uncomfortable to talk about in my family. Didnt reveal i had a girlfriend till about 6 months in... i feel like i had problems being authentic and expressing myself because of the envoirment i grew up in. Leading to lots of friendzoning... its changing though where game helped me take more and more risk by opening up and im more comfortable with my emotions every year! Takes lots of work though.

recyclablebanthas · 2019-07-19T19:34:19+00:00

1

They would say stuff teasingly like: Oh wow Jump865 a girl, is she your girlfriend? And say generally annoying and awkward stuff causing men to be less vulnerable towards girls when they got older.

It's pretty common for parents to fail at seeing children as PEOPLE who are growing up. For parents like those, their kids get put in a category which involves them not being taken seriously, at least until they get out of high school. The problem is, they don't realize that they're breaching the trust of their kids and accidentally teaching them some unhelpful things.

As a result, there are a potentially complicated set of effects in play in this sort of situation.

This is because your parents represent a few really important things:

Your first example of what love and passion look like, or what they should look like.
Your first meaningful interactive relationships with people, and what those look like, or should look like.

So if your parents were burning you like that every time you opened up, that could affect a few things:

Your comfort level regarding being vulnerable to anyone about romantic love or passion.
Your ability to share stuff about your feelings.
Sadly, your ability to maintain a healthy long term relationship.

2

Anyone else feel the the same?

This sort of thing is a pretty common mistake among parents, treating their kids as cute babies or children instead of realizing that they're more like little people trying to grow up.

MrDownhillRacer · 2019-07-19T17:42:09+00:00

I think it goes beyond just how your parents would talk about romantic relationships, and whether they'd patronize you about it.

People like me had parents who were very critical and would become quite angry with any mistake their kids made. Holding them to a very high standard, and making it a big deal if that standard wasn't met.

In situations like this, the kid doesn't feel safe to express themselves or be honest about vulnerabilities. Always walking on eggshells, knowing that any error will be seized on by their parents.

KrAzyDrummer · 2019-07-19T21:32:01+00:00

Not necessarily lack of vulnerability, but it sure as hell is why I don't tell my parents about my dating life. Every time they ask "so, you dating anyone", the answer is a swift "no". Didn't tell them about my last girlfriend until after we had already broken up, just so I wouldn't have to deal with all that bullshit "oooh do you liiiiike her" crap.

2019-07-21T13:51:10+00:00

Same for me [23 M]. My strategy has passed from denying my sexuality answering "I don't like anyone at this moment" to the question "do you like some girl ? / Are you having some girl ? " , to saying "Yeah, but not just one.".

That's why I decided to switch my behaviour : with those questions (and with the jokes they did on me if sometimes I revealed something to them) I understood they perceived my potential gf as an enemy (I've a sister, and I've seen this always applied with her bf, that she declared to them).

So the idea is : you parents created in me suffering and shame for my sexuality in adolescence(not now, in past, but I DON'T CARE, they are and were adults, they should had reflected about they fucking behaviours), so now I'm gonna shame you for your ONEitis way to approach the problem.

In addition : I'm, day by day, making them aware I'm (not yet, but I want to become) a player o some sort of. The only way to not crack their heart one day saying to them "I have sex with multiple girls in this period" is just starting now to convey the idea that, despite their poor education strategy about relationships, I'm already behaving like a player.

Maybe, reading my comment, I'm seeing I've some sort of hate for this aspect of the relationship with my parents, but hey, they have a paradigm and have given me an education that surely didn't helped me with girls. At all. So now I'm on my way, fuck them.

2019-07-19T18:55:19+00:00

You should check out r/menslib

Title	Lack of vulnerability in men caused by parents?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	15
Comments	12
Date	July 19, 2019 2:10 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/cf80sj/lack_of_vulnerability_in_men_caused_by_parents/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/lack-of-vulnerability-in-men-caused-by-parents.1474082 https://theredarchive.com/post/1474082

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