I wish to make this post a discussion about frame in general, and I use a recent encounter to reflect on my learning experience.

This amazing girl in a failing relationship cheated on her boyfriend with me. She broke up with her boyfriend after. Then we made plans to stay together in LA. At the beginning, I had this unshakeable frame. I said what I wanted and did what I wanted. She would tell me, "You are so assertive but also so gentle, and it's irresistible." Yes... they call me Sir Diamond Frame.

After we made plans for LA, I became complacent. My neediness and desire for affection began to leak out. She changed dinner plans on me once, and I held my ground, calling it off altogether. But I called her back to make plans only a couple of days later. I should have waited longer (...right?). The next time we met, she hit me with the "let's just be friends". I held my ground again and refused; we could never be just friends. Then she said that she would still go back to her ex if he asked her back, and that if that happened, all our plans are called off. And here... I acquiesced. I agreed to allow the possibility until the end of our LA plans. After, though, she would have to choose. I was so afraid to walk away, to lose my shot at convincing her I was better than her boyfriend. I allowed myself to be her emotional backup. This was five days ago.

Yesterday, she texts me to ask about my day. Awesome, I thought, I'm recovering from my mistakes.

Today, she informs me, "my ex just came and I think I'm going to try again with him", thanking me for the fun times.

It's over. I am so crushed. Part of me wants to "just come" and pull up the way her ex does and say that plans aren't changing, that she made a commitment. But that's not only needy, but also controlling. I just don't know what to do with these feelings. Am I too hard on myself to think that I could have stopped her from going back to her ex? What could I have done better?

In reflection, I learned the important lesson of maintaining my frame over the course of many interactions and even after sex.