"I'm just not focused on that right now"

"If it happens it happens"

2 of the most concerning lines I hear.

It's worrying because it shows a man who has thrown in the towel.

It reminds me of when I had just given up.

When I had decided, to be reactive to what the world throws at me, and hope that the pieces will magically align.

As opposed to being proactive.

And going after what I truly wanted:

Happiness in an amazing relationship.

Being able to come home after a long day at work and have someone to unwind with

An amazing partner who would help sooth the stress of an exhausting day.

Waking up on a Saturday morning and spontaneously looking at her and saying:

"Let's go sky diving"

Then being able to share a heart racing experience like that with my awesome other half.

I remember using these excuses myself.

My personal words were:

"I'm happy alone, I don't need anyone."

"I can jump out of a plane by myself."

Now don't get me wrong.

Being the source of your own validation and being self sufficient is extremely important.

But going to the extreme of living a monk like life?

I was kidding myself into thinking thats what I truly wanted.

What was actually happening was that there were no real good opportunities around me in the dating world.

I myself had had a few bad experiences in my love life.

It didn't help that I would look around me and see troublesome relationships around me.

So I decided to take this tiny sample size and use it as if it were universal.

"There are no good women out there."

Then I experienced adventures in 'monk' mode.

Travelled to 14 countries.

Read 47 books.

Ate more new dishes than I can even remember.

Saw the Berlin wall.

Alone.

You see when we make excuses for ourselves, we're going to have to face the music at some point.

It could be sitting in complete silence on a Friday night at home with no one to turn your head to and voice your opinion about the ending of that Tiger King documentary.

It could be looking in the mirror and seeing a dull expression look back at you, someone who is practically screaming at you to change.

It could even be laughing at the end of a roller coaster ride and then having that laugh quickly fade because there's no one around to keep that laughter alive with.

"I'm not focused on that right now" and "if it happens it happens" are 2 of the most common excuses I hear from men who don't want to admit that they're not full-filled.

You don't have to live life tricking yourself.

You can 100% have it all.

The man with imaginary walls built up will not see the potential on his doorstep.

If you on the other hand take down that wall.

You're allowing yourself to be open to possibilities that you may have not otherwise been able to see.

It all starts with the conversation you have in your head.

So I want you to ask yourself.

What does that current dialogue in your own head look like right now?

Are you making excuses as to why you can't have something?

Are you tricking yourself into thinking you don't want it in the first place?

Or are you opening up that blockade and making room for something amazing to happen?

(Edit: a few people have messaged me asking how to find the right balance, I think it's key to have your mission but keep your options open in the mean time, putting yourself in situations where you can meet people, if you need more help don't hesitate to reach out, happy to help)