A few months ago I had a girl say to me that I wasn't making enough of an effort. We had been texting for a while and had been on one date. She was texting me a lot, and me being a recovering needy guy now talking to several women, I wasn't giving her as much attention as the old me or most other guys probably would have. I wasn't neglecting her either. We still texted every day, which is more than I would usually do. She just seemed to be used to guys chasing her hard. She was not so subtly telling me that most guys were way more forward and she had lots of dating options. Against my better judgment, I started to give her some more attention. It went well for a few days and felt pretty good too. But after a few days, her replies started to get a lot less frequent. Where at first she was the one chasing, somehow I had allowed myself to become the one doing the chasing again. In a matter of a few days we had gone from her chasing me, telling me to make more of an effort, to the conversation dying. We never did go on another date.

This just goes to show how quickly a woman's attraction can drop when you as a man show weakness. Now I do think she wasn't the best example of what one would call a good woman. Telling a guy multiple times that you have other options is not a good way to build something lasting in my opinion. I probably should have walked away there and then. That being said, I still messed up when I went into chase mode. I let her comments get in my head. I became way too available. I was weak and lost the girl.

What I learned from this is not that I shouldn't contact a woman when I want too, but that I shouldn't do it because otherwise she might move on. If she wants someone that gives her more attention, then by all means she should find that guy. And I should be willing to lose her if she has expectations that I can't or don't want to live up to.

This experience sucked, but it made me more grounded in a way. More and more I am starting to live by a new standard that says "This is who I am. If you dig that, then great, let's enjoy each other's company. If you don't, then that's fine too. Hope you enjoy the rest of your day". I have to give massive credit to Corey Wayne for this. His teachings are all about this and I'm starting to become better because of it. I still stray from this frame of mind every so often, but I'm getting there. Peace and love!