I grew up in a house where hugging lasted only a second.

It was a way of saying hello & goodbye; simple social formality out of politeness. Maybe grandma would get a peck on the cheek, under duress from my mom, but that was the extent of physical affection in my family.

There are lots of different types of emotional intimacy, but the least complicated of them comes in the form of embracing someone. Think about it...A hug can completely transcend language barriers, culture, age.

Every culture in the world understands the concept of holding someone you care about, and a 20 second hug releases a spike in oxytocin, showing that the concept is ingrained in our very biology.

Hugs are powerful.

So next time you’re finding yourself hugging someone, try this:

  • Close your eyes and take a deep breath
  • Take inventory of the feelings present in your body and mind. (comfort, longing, recognition, etc…)

Once you’re aware of how you feel during the embrace, you can shift a portion of your focus to the other person’s energy

I’ve found value in applying a 70/30 rule.

70% attention in 30% attention out

Don’t stop this exercise just because you feel self-conscious.

Work through that feeling.

You wouldn't expect to go into a gym for the first time and bench as much as the guy who’s been going for six years. Everything gets easier with repetition and over time this shit will become second nature to you.

This same concept applies to any physical interactions you have: from hand holding to home-runs.

Kissing gets shoehorned into just an aspect of foreplay--tragically written off as an end to a means, though nice in itself. In long-term relationships especially, small repeated actions of intimacy can help keep you feeling close to your partner.

I mean when was the last time you really made-out without hoping it would lead to sex?

So next time, I want you to focus on the connection you’re experiencing in the moment. It's time to go back to the basics and re-learn the art of good old-fashioned teasing. (Remember when you were ecstatic just to get to second base?)

Kiss like when you first met.

Now how is your partner responding to this? How does she taste? How does she feel? What sounds does she make while you’re kissing her?

These are the things I want you to bring your awareness to.

With mindfulness and techniques, that I’ll talk about in another post, one can even reach orgasm without direct stimulation (and there are many, many, different types of orgasms.)

Make an evening out of this activity. Light some candles, turn on some music, & enjoy each other’s company without expectation.

Cheers for now,

Dani