TLDR -> I've been trying to get better with women on and off for 15 years without much success, eventually realised alcohol was a big problem. I'm still going and promise myself to get comfortable going out alone and learning to approach again.

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It's been 15 years since I started to try to fix myself and get better with girls.

Back then, I went out every week 2-3 times a week every week for 2-3 years with other guys in the "community".

I was never comfortable with the canned seduction stuff, I just wanted to be myself and become naturally attractive to women.

I had read a lot of theory but tried to focus on the teachers that made sense to me (mainly those that taught inner game type stuff).

It's hard to define success, but I didn't really progress much. I was able to go and approach attractive women at times and strike up long conversations, occasionally get a phone number which usually flaked. I did get a 3 month casual relationship with a chinese girl, who ironically approached me at a singles event.

But after 3 years I pretty much gave up the regular outings as it felt like a waste of time by then.

A couple years later I found Mark Manson's Models and that gave me some more inspiration and seemed to help a bit, but I wasn't meeting new women very often and seemed to still be struggling to get dates even though I was more relaxed about things.

Fast forward a couple more years and I realised that my alcohol drinking needed to be addressed. I was 39 at this point and I had been drinking 4-5 days a week, not getting drunk all the time but usually more than a few drinks to pass out at night. This had gone on for 15-20 years and I never really thought it was a problem until I read a book that really opened my eyes and got me to stop drinking completely for 6 months. Without the alcohol fog, I started feeling better immediately.

During the 6 months I found it was pretty easy to give up cigarettes as well and now I only drink lightly in social situations, virtually never at home on my own and I can easily go many weeks or months without touching a drop, my mindset has completely changed for the better.

Anyway, I realised the alcohol was probably one of the big reasons why I never progressed I was always drinking when out meeting women and even if I wasn't drunk, it was holding back my learning and just making things more difficult than they needed to be.

Not long after this, I revisited some old attraction material which focused heavily on fixing mindsets and I started going to bar meetups on my own. I started seeing some progress where women were really responding to my social confidence, however there were not many attractive women at these meetups in my age group.

I decided I need to be able to approach the women I am really attracted to on my own and went out to some bars on my own, one night about a year ago. I didn't approach anyone, just wanted to start getting comfortable being out on my own at first.

Then the COVID hit a few weeks later and I stopped going out for the past year for obvious reasons.

In my area, restrictions have now been lifted somewhat and I went out on my own again last Saturday to continue my mission of being comfortable out on my own. I went and got myself a burger and a light beer in a popular restaurant/bar area and just practiced good mindsets to make myself feel comfortable. I didn't approach anyone, just some chatting with the bartender but I did see at least 3 opportunities where I could have easily opened a cute girl in my proximity.

So, I'm feeling very motivated now to go out and again and keep getting more comfortable being alone and building myself up to get approaching hot girls again. I actually feel now like I have the confidence to attract some women, just opening them is the main barrier I face, there is still a lot of fear due to all the lack of success in the past.

I am struggling with thoughts about being out by myself, is this a waste of time again, will I ever be able to open some girls on my own, am I too old to be going to bars and talking to younger girls etc

Thanks if you've read this far, there is not much inspiration for others here, but would to love from anyone else in a similar situation who is struggling or starting to see light at the end of the tunnel in their late 30s or 40s?