The publication of the book The Game by Neil Strauss, over a decade ago, marked the birth of the modern “pick-up” industry, whose intent is to teach men how to become more successful in meeting and attracting women. Many men started religiously following the advice that they got from such books, lectures and online forums, because when applied, it did indeed appear to lead to better results.

However, almost all these men, including the very authors of the advice, often misattributed the reasons behind why their techniques were successful. They believed that the specific actions that they were taking were directly causing their success, when in reality their success was primarily the result of separate factors which were only correlated with their actions.

In all actually, half their success could just be attributed to the fact that they were consistently going out and actively interacting with many new people. The more you interact with strangers, the more comfortable it becomes for you. This is a simple truth that many dating coaches exploit to convince their students that what they are teaching is effective. Such coaches simply have to push their students into many new interactions with women and create the potential for success. Any additional advice or techniques that these coaches teach is often irrelevant. They simply play a numbers game, and then let the students attribute any apparent success to their teachings.

When it comes to 'negging,' attraction is generated by appearing to be a man who is not actively seeking a woman's approval, not because you acted in a rude, mean or insulting way.

A nice guy’s actions can often be interpreted by a woman as an attempt to buy her affection. Thus inversely, being disrespectful to a woman is the clearest way of communicating that you are indifferent to her opinion of you. Most women would likely find it hard to rationalize why a man interested in her would be insulting. An insult can sub-communicate to a woman that you are not trying to impress her or are emotionally dependent on her validation. Thus the woman will not sense that you have an agenda and will be more likely to trust what you say as being honest.

While I do not advocate actively insulting women, you should not be filtering your true thoughts and beliefs in an attempt to impress a woman or tell her what you think she wants to hear. When a woman senses that you are stuck in your head and filtering your words, she loses the sense that she can fully trust what you say and realizes that your emotions are dependent on her validation.

Conversely, when a woman senses that your emotions are not dependent on her validation, an immense pressure is removed from the interaction. Through removing one’s filters and ceasing to seek approval, you will gain the trust and respect of most women. In general, women will more often be intrigued by your honesty than upset that you don’t share same exact opinions as them.

A woman likes a guy who is an asshole because he communicates honest signals. She can trust that he is not putting on some type of act, and that the man she is getting to know is actually who he says he is. The actions of a so called “nice guy” are often extremely dishonest. By pretending that you are not interested in a woman, and that you are only being nice, you are effectively lying to the woman. There is incongruence between your thoughts, words and actions. This incongruence shows the woman that although you like her, you lack self-confidence, crave her validation, and want an intact ego more than you want her. To be clear, the goal is not to become an asshole, but to learn to communicate your honest intent. The types of women for whom you actually need to become an asshole to attract are the same ones that you should probably avoid.

Full Video: https://youtu.be/Gv6mRl6N0WE