Losing hope but still trying to improve myself

Leonhart93 · 2024-03-26T19:07:28+00:00

Okay, I will provide you with a shortcut out of your problems. Firstly, you would be surprised about how understanding and chill a lot of guys can be about your occupation, since it doesn't involve you sexualizing yourself, which is the one that most guys avoid. Don't worry that much about it, just say you draw adult erotica without speicifc details.

The main important part that is left and which will win you a lot of points is to lose weight and get a good enough body shape. There are several ways to do it, just focus your efforts there. I cannot overstate this enough, it's almost more important than facial beauty. After that learn to have a light personality that is not a pain to be around. If you get to the point where you start to enjoy being like that, as everyone will treat you better as a result, then you can keep it up until it becomes second nature. And of course the fact that you are a virgin will also not be a downside at all.

ArkNemesis00 · 2024-03-26T20:58:18+00:00

Have you heard of Dr. K and the HealthyGamerGG YouTube channel? He's a psychiatrist and has videos that touch on a lot of the topics you've mentioned here (autism, ADHD, social isolation, anxiety).

I also really really recommend the book "Atomic Habits" if you're looking for ways to improve your day-to-day life and function.

If you look into either of these, I'd be really curious to hear your thoughts!

PerfectThrowaway2024 · 2024-03-27T10:12:59+00:00

From a male perspective:

I'm a 30 year old virgin and I still haven't been on a date. It's not entirely for lack of opportunity.

You shouldn't worry about that.

Before I ballooned in weight, I knew a few men that may have been great partners but I was not in the right headspace to date and I still don't feel like I am.

Aim to improve your general state of being. Try new things, see if they make you happy. Don't waste your time on youtube/social media looking at other people doing stuff that makes them happy. Just make a list of things you want to improve and go for it. As this may feel like work, find a list of hobbies, select one that reads mildly interesting and dive into that - see if that brings you joy.

I grew up in a broken home and I might have autism/adhd, so I struggled with socializing and keeping friends all my life

From your Text you don't have a ton of experience/practice when around other people in real life. So what you think is adhd/autism could just be patterns/behaviors manifesting in social situations that others are uncomfortable with (resulting in weird reactions from them). Pick a hobby that has a social component where you have to interact with people. (Find a local roleplaying group? Boardgame meetup? ...)

Socializing takes practice. A lot of it, especially if you are a few years behind on practice. - Dont give up :)

I'm trying to lose a significant amount of weight and I want to get help with my mental struggles too, but I don't even know where to begin.

These are two different issues. Healthy Weight loss generally has three components: Sleep, Diet, Exercise. I would suggest improving the first two before jumping into the third. Its almost impossible to loose weight by exercise when your sleep and diet are messed up. Try going to sleep and getting up at the same time every day. For exercise you can start with just walking half an hour to an hour every day. Then take it from there and see if you want to add running, joga or going to the gym (for lifting weights - dont worry this one won't make you look like a man).

There is a lot of good/well established evidence that having a structured day/routine helps a lot with mental struggles/issues. Your posts read like you are doing a lot of freelance/self employed work. Make a schedule for when to work, when to fill with sport/hobbies/... when to sleep. Stick to it.

I'm very messy so I live in squalor

Schedule like two days for cleaning. Then just get an initial "spring cleaning" done. Try to get rid of as much unused junk as possible. After that just schedule 4x 30 minutes of cleaning per week if you are in an apartment. (more if you are in a house with more space). After a month, evaluate the state of things to see if you can scale down or need to scale up.

I was duped by the trans stuff when I was a teenager so I did some damage to my breasts from binding.

The good news to you is: "in real life most women do NOT have perfect breasts". (If we ignore the ones that have had a surgery to improve the looks). So dont get mislead by pictures you may find on the internet.

The things I struggle with the most is being genuinely feminine and not being a degenerate. I know how to wear cute dresses and do my makeup and hair, but internally I'm fighting the masculine side of myself.

It really reads like you are trying to force things. Whats your motivation? Whats your definition of feminine (the text reads a bit like you are very much focused just outward appearance. Try to make it less about symbolism. I have met plenty of girls that feel genuinely feminine, even in t-shirts and jeans. Don't get me wrong - For men its joyful if women dress cute, but you should really dress to make yourself feel good. )

The trans stuff really fucked me up because I still feel like I'm a little boy inside, yearning for a father figure.

Can only comment on the the "yearning for a father figure." part.... That one is very common in females. So you are not alone.

Money isn't a problem. I live very comfortably, but the way I earn money might be problematic..... but my job is drawing adult erotica.

Don't worry about your job with regard to dating. As you are not "sexualizing yourself" with it, most men will not care in the slightest if you are a good person to hang out with. However, i do wonder how your job affects your mental well-being. If you spend hours thinking about how best to display some more nonstandard sexual practices/context, then this may have an effect on your general thought patterns... In terms of freelance work just depending on one particular source of income especially if its a niece market may not be optimal either. So you should consider exploring some other ways to generate income with your skillset/illustrations/... or if you feel that you may benefit from it in the long term, picking up a new skillet in a different field as a fallback option (or for when your interests change).

countrylemon · 2024-03-27T02:20:31+00:00

Start cleaning a 1x1ft square of space everyday, watch cleaning tiktokers like aurikatariina, just start to add cleaning focused moments in your day to day. Slowly you’ll find systems, like I can’t do dishes without watching content, I would literally be full of anxiety without it while doing them. Small things like buying a soap that you love the smell of, and slowly learning little things to make your space nourish you.

Baby steps OP, your heart is in the right place, little girls yearn for their missing fathers too, don’t blame yourself for your younger years, they were meant for growing and making mistakes, we all did it.

Just be nicer to yourself and the rest will come, the negative mindset will be what your actual downfall is.

Your job is fine btw, your future husband will be the star of your irl hentai dreams.

petitguelah · 2024-03-26T19:55:28+00:00

You seem like a truly fascinating individual! I think there are a lot of guys that would love to get to know you if you'd allow them. Your feminine energy is shining through via the vulnerability in your post. Keep doing what you're doing, and remember you're a gorgeous gorgeous girl through and through.

AutoModerator · 2024-03-26T17:27:25+00:00

Title: Losing hope but still trying to improve myself

Author asmonbb

Full text: I'm a 30 year old virgin and I still haven't been on a date. It's not entirely for lack of opportunity. Before I ballooned in weight, I knew a few men that may have been great partners but I was not in the right headspace to date and I still don't feel like I am. I grew up in a broken home and I might have autism/adhd, so I struggled with socializing and keeping friends all my life. To this day, I don't have any but I am putting myself out there. I got ghosted recently, but I will continue to make an effort.

I'm trying to lose a significant amount of weight and I want to get help with my mental struggles too, but I don't even know where to begin. I'm very messy so I live in squalor and I was duped by the trans stuff when I was a teenager so I did some damage to my breasts from binding. I also have major identity problems. The things I struggle with the most is being genuinely feminine and not being a degenerate. I know how to wear cute dresses and do my makeup and hair, but internally I'm fighting the masculine side of myself.

The trans stuff really fucked me up because I still feel like I'm a little boy inside, yearning for a father figure. Some of my messed up fantasies reflect that. No sane guy wants to deal with that, so I feel like it's over for me. I'm still trying to improve myself, but that's mostly so I can remain somewhat functional. I've struggled with depression during my childhood and I'm scared to take medication that could mess with my fertility. I know I might be too old to have kids, but I just don't want to take drugs that are capable of making me infertile.

Money isn't a problem. I live very comfortably, but the way I earn money might be problematic. I want to date someone that isn't obsessed with sex or porn, but my job is drawing adult erotica. I'm also paid to write and illustrate a normal story, but the hentai is what brings in most of my income. I'm worried about giving that up with this economy, especially if my hypothetical relationship doesn't work out. I don't know if I could replicate the success I have now if I give it all up.

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Title	Losing hope but still trying to improve myself
Author	asmonbb
Upvotes	8
Comments	7
Date	March 26, 2024 5:27 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1bodkrc/losing_hope_but_still_trying_to_improve_myself/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/losing-hope-but-still-trying-to-improve-myself.1513290 https://theredarchive.com/post/1513290

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