Feelings of guilt and social pressure when dropping a plate

flatox · 2015-08-01T15:05:49+00:00

Do you really think they would even consider your feelings and thoughts on the subject if the roles were reversed?

btharmony · 2015-08-01T15:08:59+00:00

men love unconditionally, women love conditionally.

ItIsMyPrivilege · 2015-08-01T14:21:08+00:00

They feel no guilt leading on betas and such. They would leave you if you started sucking, like if you weren't so red anymore for whatever reason. If you groveled for them to take you back (like in a blue pill way, after a red pill relationship) they would try to friendzone you.

Don't feel bad at all

allfunkedout · 2015-08-01T16:52:20+00:00

I'm a married guy so I haven't had lots of experience with this lately.

What I tried to do, and what I know other men do, is two things.

First, what u/stickfiguresk does. Hold frame. "This is what I am, if you don't want "what I am", then we want different things".

Sometimes things just don't work out. That's just how it is.

Second, I try to remember what it would be like if the tables were turned and she were the one cutting me loose. I try to remember how she would approach it. She would have no qualms about it at all -- we were together, now we're not because she wants other things. She is moving on and leaving me behind. She is simply doing what is best for her.

By the same token, you should have no qualms at all about doing what you must do for you. You want different things. You are moving on and leaving her behind. You are simply doing what is best for you.

Men are different from women in this regard. Men are conditioned and innately wired to protect women in their vicinity from harm. Men are especially wired to keep themselves from "doing harm" to a woman. Women will lead you to believe that your not giving them what they want when they want it is "doing harm" to them. Women will shame you. "You're breaking up with me?! You're cruel! You don't care about me or my feelings! You just want to fuck me! You're a PIG!"

Just remember that when the tables are turned, when she is breaking it off with you, she'll do it and move on without batting an eye. You must do the same thing.

We don't live in the same world we did 50 years ago. She has the support system and the "you go GRRRRL" girlfriends and the beta orbiters and the alpha cock whenever she needs it. She can go out and get another dick whenever she wants. She has at her disposal all manner of men and women to help her, support her, and give her what she needs when she needs it. She has her own job and her own money. She doesn't need you at all.

You don't. It's you and a few other close friends, and that's it.

You have to remember all this when breaking up with a girl. You break with her, she hurts for a day or two. She'll be with another guy in a week or two. She'll have forgotten you in a month.

You must act the same way, and steel yourself against feelings that you have "done harm" to her. You have not. Any hurt or pain she feels will be completely GONE in a week.

Good luck.

stickfiguresk · 2015-08-01T15:19:16+00:00

Frame: This is what I am; if that's not what you want, I'm not the man for you. I am very obviously uninterested in a relationship. She should know better. If she can't handle it, she can take her bullshit elsewhere.

I had one girl cry, but that was more from her shitty situation. I make it abundantly clear that I "don't want" them.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2015-08-02T03:54:05+00:00

I feel bad for these girls who are approaching the wall and reaching out to me. They don't realize what they are doing, and it is only natural they would want more from me.

Remember how you felt when you were 19, and you felt the pain of loneliness because these same women would string you a long with promises of "someday", how they "weren't that type of girls" and they "weren't ready". They "weren't ready" because they were busy getting plowed by Chad Thundercock.

A plate remains a plate so long as she is compliant, respectful, and observes The Rules of being a Plate. When she no longer does, she's gone.

Think about what would happen to you if your SMV fell--you got in a car crash, or lost your job--then ghost them like they'd do to you.

Don't worry, there will be a Billy Beta to pick up the pieces for them. He'll be posting about it in 'Dead Bedrooms' in four years.

Terminal-Psychosis · 2015-08-01T17:41:32+00:00

Boundaries are not only external, we have internal boundaries too.

You have some chinks in your armor. Time to turn those holes into doors, that only open from within, when the deal is to YOUR liking and benefit.

Lots of good advice here how that would look on the outside.

Deapluv · 2015-08-01T23:07:37+00:00

You guys are really awesome. You've given me a lot to think about. I really appreciate it and all the community has done for me. Thx

Kalepsis · 2015-08-01T17:30:54+00:00

Work on your abundance mentality and your IDGAF. You need to be able to have the same mindset a gold-digger has about dropping a poor guy for a rich guy. In your case, the "gold" for which you're digging is her appearance and personality.

king_of_red_alphas · 2015-08-01T18:30:28+00:00

Man. I have this same problem. TRP has helped me mediate it recently, but I've literally wasted years of my life trapped in LTR's I didn't want to be in because I was afraid of hurting the girl. Or even worse, because I thought i "couldn't do better".

I don't have an easy answer. It is difficult to watch a girl desperately cling while you try to tell her to move on.

My best advice is to always be crystal clear about the "no commitment" thing from the get go so they don't develop dependence on you.

[deleted] · 2015-08-01T19:39:33+00:00

I felt the same after dropping a girl in college wanted to tame me. I told her, I don't want a relationship because I'm not ready for a commitment. I don't want to commit to ONE girl while I have all these options. And it was the truth. There's no reason to feel bad about what you want and what you don't want. You might want sex from girl, but not relationship with girl. And that's fine bro. They have to respect that and you have to respect yourself for that.

MattyAnon · 2015-08-01T21:37:24+00:00

Do you realise you are prioritising the happiness of someone who doesn't give a flying fuck about yours ?

The weak way is to treat them worse and worse until either they leave or you lose all respect for them and leave. (Women do this of course).

The strong way is just to tell them it's over and stick to it. (Make sure there are no consequences to you when that hamster goes mental, be in a public place or on the phone, etc).

As regards guilt - you are entitled to do whatever the fuck you want. All's fair in love and war. Most men choose to be honest with women, and let the cards fall where they may (ie "this is not exclusive" and my personal favourite "I fuck other women").

Yes things may well get worse for them, or they might finally find the beta provider of their dreams. You don't know.

Remember how much these girls fucked over guys like you, and will fuck over other guys in the future. They don't deserve your love. Just because they are nice to you, does not mean they are nice people. Women get a nice easy ride from 18 to 32, and all their romantic problems are of their own making through their own bad choices. You probably suffered at their hypergamic hands, I know I did. But now you get to cash out.... you can date effectively for 20 years longer than she can.

Having suffered the costs of dating females, don't feel bad now for her lack of good decision making, and don't compromise your own sexual strategy in favour of hers.

[deleted] · 2015-08-02T02:43:02+00:00

Do any of the more experienced TRP guys here have any strategies or mindsets they bring to feelings around guilt with dropping a plate / Next'ing a woman?

Internalise the fact she can replace you in 5 minutes.

Title	Feelings of guilt and social pressure when dropping a plate
Author	Deapluv
Upvotes	11
Comments	19
Date	August 1, 2015 2:09 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/3feoyg/feelings_of_guilt_and_social_pressure_when/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/feelings-of-guilt-and-social-pressure-when.151849 https://theredarchive.com/post/151849

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