I've got a lot to talk about so I may break it up into several smaller posts.

My stbx hit the mid life crisis age (39) and decided to leave me to see about that grass on the other side. This was over a year ago. Though I was devastated, the divorce is fairly amicable, we have three children and both want what is best for them. We were best friends (which is why it hurt so much), and she would love to continue the friendship if she could. I have finally moved on to the point where I am closer to a "gray rock" situation than ever before. Recently stopped texting and switched to email, and just overall pulled back on unnecessary (friendly) chit chat. Trying to keep all interactions strictly business.

Anyway, my question/concern:

This request for order I was served is only about custody, in which we are 100% in agreement. We share them 50/50, and it has worked fine so far. We are both flexible and accommodating to changes in each other's schedule, etc. She has put "joint" on everything in the paperwork, and the court is requiring we attend an appointment for either "child custody mediation" or "child custody recommending counseling" (I guess it is our choice which one). My understanding is this will just be a formality since we are in complete agreement regarding custody. In looking at the details on the county website, it seems that the main difference is that the first one is confidential (and more suited to amicable situations), where the latter is a bit more formal and is non-confidential.

My instinct was to of course to the confidential version, but there is a bit more to the story. She has not yet stipulated what she wants as far as assets. The one point we disagree on is my retirement. She wants half of it, even though she has very wealthy parents and will not have to worry about retirement. Furthermore, not only did she not bring in any income for 90% of the marriage (she was raising the kids to be fair), but she actually racked up $25,000 in debt that she hid from me. When it finally came out, I paid it all off with all of our savings. She left about 6 months later, and lo and behold she has another ~$30,000 in debt suddenly (somehow...). She also has made questionable decisions regarding her parenting choices at times over the last year. Nothing too bad, but definitely things that would paint her in a not-so-nice light if it ever came to a trial. (Drug use, having a guy she was dating take my kid to a dr. appointment, and then an hour out of town into the next county to swing by his house instead of taking my kid to school first, planning to pick up the kids after drinking with co-workers, having no hot water in the house for weeks, etc.).

So it may get messy when it comes to the assets. I don't have much, after paying off all of her secret debt, but I do want/need my retirement. So my question is, should I try for the non-confidential version of custody mediation, since I have nothing to hide and have been the "better" parent? In case it is useful later? Or does that not really matter, because if it goes to trial everything will come out then anyway?

EDIT: All the debt she racked up secretly had nothing to do with the kids, the family, or parenting. It was self help stuff, pyramid schemes, life coaching classes, etc. BS in other words.