So there hasn't been any custody declarations yet, but my baby girl predominantly lives with her mother a few states away from me and it has killed me every day that I am apart from her. Finally, through the lawyer fees and spousal support and bills, I was able to be cut a break and got to organize a week-long stint with her with me. I asked my lawyer if I HAD to give her back at the end of this week, but she said that even though there aren't any custody rules in place yet, when the divorce was filed there was a stay in place order enacted, so yes. So many nights in this empty room have been filled with sorrow, with such unrelenting sadness at the loss of my daughter's love that I don't care to recollect them all.

But for the first time in two years, my sweet girl is laying asleep next to me while we listen to music box lullabies, and I don't think I have wept such tears of joy since the day I welcomed her into this world. It's a bittersweet thing, because I know this is a fleeting moment and I'll have to take her back at the end of next week, but I am unashamed to admit that I am crying tears of joy that for the first time in years, I have gotten to hold my child, to kiss her smiling cheeks and tell her that I love her in person.